ODAAT

I like schedules. Actually, my life is full of lists and schedules. I even make a weekly dinner menu. Order and structure characterize my days, so much so, that some days you will find me doubled over in pain cooking dinner. If the menu says spaghetti on Tuesday, we are eating spaghetti on Tuesday if there is any humanly possible way for me to get it done. Sometimes, Chad comes home from work and just shakes his head in disbelief. "You know that no one else does this, right?" he asks.

Since I like things planned out (no surprises for this girl!) I begin each day looking over the week's activity list. When I was younger and healthier, I always got everything done. Now, I try to save energy for the days that have the most important tasks. The trouble is, ALL the tasks on my list are *important* to me. According to the Meyers-Briggs personality test my kids had me take a few years ago, I am "the duty-fulfiller" type. Basically, this means that I have a list of things that I need to get done each day. I push through to get every last item done, always have, and always......well, actually not anymore. Some days, no matter how hard I push, there are still items left on my to-do list at the end of the day, which tends to leave me feeling like I failed. (Yep, I got issues)

I have always planned my days and weeks far in advance, even down to life's least important tasks. I am a creature of habit. I do laundry on Mondays, clean each level of the house on their specified days, and grocery shop on Thursday mornings. Every chore, and even things like reading or art, are in my calendar in their official time slot. Chad also shakes his head when my phone buzzes every few minutes reminding me to do basically everything. What a glorious time we live in to have smart phones with reminder alarms! I used to write everything on a wall calendar, and use notepads for endless lists.

I have written before about managing expectations. Honestly, I am WAY better at letting others off the hook, giving them grace, and lowering my expectations of them, than I am of myself. I am my own worst enemy. I know that my list doesn't really matter. Although I like structure, I do know that if my laundry doesn't get done until Friday, the world won't fall apart. Honestly, I won't even run out of clean clothes that soon! If my life seems ridiculously organized, all I can say is that I am a LOT more laid back than I was twenty years ago. (Hard to believe, right?) Age, children, marriage, poor health, and most importantly, my faith in Christ have all impacted me in a positive way, and helped me to let go of some things. I have learned to cut myself a little slack. I am still a work in progress.

Lately, each day seems to start differently, unpredictably. I never know how I will feel. New challenges present themselves, and as Chad likes to say, we adapt, improvise, and overcome. I have been made more and more aware of my tendency to want to perfectly perform my (never ending) lists. I am a taskmaster. I place unnecessary burdens upon myself, especially now. There is nothing quite like completing a task, and being able to cross it off my list! I am learning that most of what is on my list is unimportant. I need to prioritize, but I also need to learn to let go. Everything is not of equal importance. It really is okay if the furniture is dusty.

I am trying to take each day as it comes. I can't change how I feel when I wake up every morning, but I can choose how I view each day. I am working to figure out why I am how I am, growth is an important part of life (although I am not a huge fan of change). For now, I am learning to take One Day At A Time (ODAAT). By the grace of God, I am learning to forgive myself, and give myself permission to "fail" at finishing my list. The Lord has been teaching me so much through all these trials, and most recently, He has been gently revealing the heart issues behind my compulsive behavior. My need to do everything on my list is a form of works righteousness. It shows my sinful tendency to want to do something to earn favor, or feel accomplished. It speaks to my trying to control things, which reveals a lack of faith and trust. All my striving to complete a list is simply futility. The good news is that Christ's work was complete. I do not have to contribute anything to my salvation, nor could I add anything to it. Jesus said, "It is finished." I don't need to run myself ragged over a ridiculously long and detailed list of chores. I need only to enter into His rest. I am grateful for God's loving correction, and His grace to live ODAAT.

Until Next Time~
Shari