If I Died Today (What Would My Friends Say?)

 A part of me wishes to remain silent. I wonder if speaking even does any good. Will I just be one more voice among the thousands of voices that will likely only be heard by those who already agree with me? Is there any value in speaking up? I hope so.

After seeing that the term "6%" was trending on Twitter, I looked to see what it was all about. I also quickly found many FB posts regarding the new CDC number breakdowns of all the coronavirus deaths. We have known all along that COVID-19 disproportionately impacts the elderly, people of color, and those with underlying medical conditions (AKA co-morbidity). The numbers did NOT change, but the CDC statistics now clearly show that 6% of the deaths were young, healthy individuals with no underlying medical problems. The other 94% of the deaths involved age and/or health issues; however, the virus is still the reason for their deaths. Heart disease, stroke, diabetes, obesity, and other conditions do make your chances greater for having a serious case of COVID-19, or dying from it. Every one of those deaths was just as much caused by the virus, and every one of those deaths matters!

If I had contracted the coronavirus and died today, my death would be in that 94% bracket, but I MOST definitely died because of the virus. My neurological condition perhaps puts me in a higher risk category than you of serious illness or death from COVID-19, but my disease by itself is not deadly, thus the virus would still be the precipitating event in my untimely death.

If I died today, what would my friends say? Sadly based on social media, I think many would say she was "older" and "sick" so she wasn't worth shutting down an economy or wearing a mask. Others would blame the people who are out having parties, not wearing masks, and "don't care about others." Neither would be accurate, but I see both views on display every day.

The division in our country causes me so much heartache, and I find myself in tears this morning. Sometimes all this bickering is exhausting, and it saddens me to see fellow Christian sharing memes of "sheeple" instead of the gospel. I will continue to pour my heart out to God, but would you join me? May He show us all mercy, and help us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Christian brothers and sisters who say ALL lives matter, surely each and every soul lost to this virus, regardless of any preexisting condition, is a tragedy, most especially those who die apart from Christ.

How did we become such a polarized and hate-filled nation? I ask myself what part have I played? Maybe you are willing to ask yourself the same thing?

The facts and truth are harder than ever to discern. As an example, the CDC was once a nonpartisan organization that presented the medical and scientific facts to educate the public. It has recently become more political, changing policy due to politics rather than science.It should concern us ALL that any group/organization/company would only speak along party lines, never listening to the other side. We must be vigilant and discerning, my dear friends!

While we live in an age of information overload, the truth gets lost in a sea of rhetoric and misinformation, but we have a duty to speak and defend the truth. Especially as a Christian, I know the importance of studying and searching to uncover the truth, being slow to rush to judgment or point fingers. May God help us all to listen, discern, and seek the truth! May it start with me. May God give wisdom and humility freely to all who ask, as they are both much needed!

You who are angry and tired of fighting in the midst of injustice and inequity. I hear you and I see you. Would you share your personal experience and pain you have felt from racism with me? Would you allow me to share my concerns and fears as well? Can we move forward together, giving each other grace to grow and learn?

You are fearful that your rights are being striped away, and the government is taking your freedoms. I hear you and I see you. Would you join me in praying for our nation? Will you tell me what worries you the most? Can I share with you how hot and uncomfortable wearing a mask is, but also explain how it can help protect me, and makes me feel like you care for me? Might we come together in our love for Christ and one another, extending grace as we grow and learn? 

Please don't turn a deaf ear to your neighbor! Maybe we can all agree that these are difficult times! We must be slow to anger, slow speak, and quick to listen. Seek the facts, and the science, and then filter them all through the Scriptures. Be willing to hear the pain and stories of others, showing compassion. Turn off the news/social media and go start a dialogue with your neighbors. Each of us has differing views, unique experiences, and contrasting cultural backgrounds, yet we might all find unity in Christ, and I pray that we will. 

Until Next Time~

Shari

P.S. If you made it this far in reading my post, please pray for our upcoming trip back to Mayo Clinic September 8-10. Will post some updates afterwards!

We're Not Crazy

By now, unless you live in a cave, you have surely heard of the COVID-19 "novel coronavirus". The divide in America that I have mentioned before, is now focused on the virus instead of politics, but it still gets ugly very quickly! So, whenever I have a lot of thoughts gathering in my brain, I blog about them. I thought I would add my non-medical two cents worth to this whole ordeal (aren't you lucky).

1. "Panic Buying" - Stores are relatively empty of virtually all kinds of grocery items, and definitely out of hand sanitizer, face masks and toilet paper by now. My first point that we should consider, is that people are SCARED. This fear reveals the worst of humanity, the total depravity of man shows itself clearly as shoppers fight over toilet paper. Please pause and consider the shopper behind you who may not be able to get basic supplies they need for survival. If you weren't concerned about the virus at all, you may now be worried about the lack of food, and resulting ripples throughout the economy.

If you have seen people shopping with masks and gloves, it is not always because of fear. Slowing the spread of the virus is not just to protect yourself. There are individuals that are at greater risk for contracting the illness. Some must wear masks to protect themselves or their children, so please be kind. It is so easy to laugh and think they are being ridiculous, like this mother who experienced shaming as she shopped for her family.

This is an opportunity for the body of Christ to reach out with the only message that can calm a soul, the healing balm of the Gospel. As a Christian, I should be wise, educate myself about the virus, be considerate of others and try not to spread the virus. I should recognize this fear, be understanding, listen, and spread the love of Christ instead. Hopefully we can all give consideration to others, and share some of our excess supplies with those who may have very little.

Another thing to consider about the excessive hoarding is the fact there are people with compromised immune systems that need some of the items that were bought in large quantity in the early days. (Read this article for a personal perspective). This leads to my next point....


2. "Price Gouging" - The market generally allows manufacturers and store owners to recognize demand for certain items. They lower prices to help get things sold that aren't selling (think clearance racks). They raise prices to slow sales when items are flying off shelves, while they increase production. Times like this bring out the greed in our society. Some people in an effort to make a lot of money, bought supplies so they could turn around and sell them for a huge profit. (This guy is stuck with 17,700 bottles of hand sanitizer) Again, this is our opportunity to share with those in need.

Under this heading, while I mentioned greed, I thought I could add the fact that almost immediately scams popped up regarding the virus. Selling useless/fake products, including offers of cures and vaccines. Please check for the facts from a reliable source like the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)


3. "Down Playing the Seriousness" - If you aren't concerned about the virus at all, then I think you need to read more about it. It is new, which is why it is called "novel". A couple months ago, they knew nothing about the virus. As experts try to learn quickly, they offer the best practices from the data they have received. I have seen many posts about people overreacting for no reason, or the flu killing more people each year. This virus doesn't have a year's worth of data. As far as all the closures being an overreaction, I would say they are not. Italy is literally choosing which patients get to use the available medical equipment (like ventilators) and which ones die. The US response is meant to slow or stop the spread of the virus so that it does not overwhelm the medical system. The virus is deadly, and while you might be young and healthy with mild symptoms, you can still spread it to others for whom it may be life threatening. To these people, this is a very big deal!

As a side note, please know that even if the virus doesn't end up affecting millions of people does NOT mean it was no big deal! It does mean that all the actions taken (closing businesses/schools, social distancing, washing your hands, etc) DID work, and the disease was starved of hosts. We should be thankful for that and not smug that you were right.

You may have also seen ageism and ableism rear it's ugly head with subtle comments like "it only affects the elderly and sick" or the not so subtle use of the term "the boomer remover" to label the virus. Things like this story are sickening, but again clearly display the sinfulness of man. In the midst of all of this, I hope we can remember that each of us was created in the image of God. As image-bearers, my prayer would be that we might be able to trust Him for our needs; that His Word would bring comfort to our hearts; and His Spirit would prompt us to act in a loving manner towards one another.

Times like these make it clear that none of us are promised tomorrow. The Bible is clear that "today is the day of salvation." So, you should "choose today whom you will serve" and place your faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Believe that Christ died for your sins and was risen to provide eternal life for all who believe. Repent of your sins. Whether you have toilet paper or not, you can trust that God is in control. Life won't be easy, and you might still feel fearful, but you can absolutely trust Jesus and God's Word, and rest in Him. (2 Corinthians 6:2; Joshua 24:14; Mark 1:15)


4. Final reminders - Please, brothers and sisters, check on your neighbors, and help where you can. One thing this whole situation has helped me to see is that I should try to keep a few extra pantry goods, so that when something like this happens we have plenty to share with our neighbors in need. What a beautiful testimony to the unsaved world to be a calm and shining light in times like this! Be safe everyone and together we will get through this.

Until Next Time~
Shari

Who I've Become

If you have met me in the last few years, you might be surprised to learn that I used to be somewhat adventurous. While I was never one to be a thrill seeker, I did frequently hop in the car at the last minute for a road trip, or impromptu outing with the kids. As a child, my mom would drive me into Chicago to the Planetarium (it was free back then) just to buy an ice cream sandwich from the vending machine (She swore that brand was better, and not available locally). I think her crazy ideas like this rubbed off on me!

In fact, if I think back over the years, even though I have always been introverted, there was rarely a day I didn't get out of the house: nature walks, shopping, museums, movies, or just yard work. Slowly over time, as our kids grew up and moved out, and my health declined, getting out of the house seemed less attractive, and more problematic.

Chad and I were talking about this a couple of days ago, and it has been on my mind ever since. I am very content in my day to day life, but my world has definitely shrunk. I routinely go to church on Sunday, and consider it a victory if I have nowhere to go until church the following Sunday. I still love the outdoors, shopping (especially at thrift stores), and even road trips, BUT (and it is a big but), things have just become much more challenging.

I can no longer just wake up and decide to be spontaneous, heading out for the day to a local museum or park like we used to do. For starters, on the rare occasion that I feel well enough to head out for the day, there has to be much more planning. Medications, medical devices, mobility equipment, etc. are part of my daily life. I have to think through the outing to decide what needs may arise. How long will we be gone? How far would I have to walk, or is it wheelchair accessible? Is there van accessible parking? (especially if I am alone, because I frequently get stuck unable to deploy the ramp either because there are not enough handicapped spots, or someone has parked in the access aisle/striped lines) The list is LONG.

Sadly even when we plan the best we can, trips frequently end with an serious increase in pain. Pain rises throughout the day normally, but increased movement and lengthy activities will increase it more rapidly. Sometimes, I do a cost-benefit analysis and decide the trip just isn't worth the pain.

There is usually some stress and anxiety involved in going somewhere unfamiliar also. Many trips end up disappointing when we discover we can't get around by wheelchair, or there are no bathrooms I can use. Even stores with wheelchair accessible entrances often have narrow or blocked aisles, racks that are too close together and inaccessible bathrooms. Besides being more physically difficult to navigate, it is mentally draining for me as well. I struggle with feeling unwelcome and like I am constantly in other people's way (some of this is my own insecurity, but also because people will literally say it out loud).

When I do have a "good day" it just seems easier to stay home, where it is comfy and Chad has made it all very accessible to me. I can keep myself occupied with crafts, jigsaw puzzles, puppy cuddles, reading and many other favorite activities within my home. Easier for sure, and it makes me happy 😊

Sometimes though, I do miss going out. Frankly, I don't often visit a clothing store to feel the fabrics, browse clearance racks, and try things on just for fun anymore. Having the endurance to do all of that is rare at this point. (even getting my leg brace off and on is quite the workout. The struggle is real, people!) To some degree, my low pain level days seem wasted by going out and struggling to do things that used to be easy and enjoyable....so I just stay home, and use that energy on something that truly is enjoyable.

A little over 10 years ago, when I was healing from the life changing surgery on my left leg, I would have never dreamed that I would become a hermit! I have read about disabilities being isolating, and families with special needs children feeling alone, but didn't really understand why, until now.

I am very thankful that God has given me a contented heart. The introversion I once saw as a huge hindrance, I now see as a true blessing. I don't need a lot of activities or people to have a pleasant day. Seeing a dear friend, talking with family, or keeping busy at home are all real treats. I do know that there are plenty of people in the disability/special needs community who DO need more human interaction. Extroverts are not immune to medical issues, and while I am okay being more isolated than I once was, some people are struggling with loneliness and depression.

Honestly, this whole issue continues to be a struggle in my marriage. Chad is way more social and adventurous than I am anyways. I don't want him to be miserable never going anywhere, and he doesn't want to make me go somewhere knowing I will be in more pain. We run through ideas, evaluate how I feel, imagine how draining it will be and decide if it is worth it or not. I do more with him and for him than I would ever do on my own. Some days I push myself over that hurdle, get out and enjoy the day with my husband. Sometimes it isn't even as hard as I imagined it would be!

This unexpected change in my life has been a slow, sanctifying process. I have learned to be truly content, needing little fanfare to keep me entertained. I appreciate the little things in life more. I appreciate friends who are willing to drive to my house for a visit. Maybe you are able to visit a neighbor or friends who is going through something right now and could use an encouraging word, listening ear, or a push to get out of the house. (Don't push too hard, just offer!)

I am thankful that God has given scientific and technological knowledge to many individuals who bring us new innovations (like the internet), and all the good things that come from that to help us daily. There has never been an easier time to stay home and shop from the comfort of your couch! I am beyond grateful for a Savior, who is ever by my side, good day or bad. Maybe you could bring His word to someone who needs it today!

Until Next Time~
Shari

We Are Not That Different

In my medical journeys I have met many different people. I can put them into two groups for the purpose of my blog today. There are pessimists and optimists. In other words, there are people that can't see anything beyond their pain and loss of ability to do what they enjoy, and there are others that focus on what they still can do, and the good things in their life. My doctors believe that the people who can focus on the positive have better outcomes than those who don't (or perhaps can't).

In waiting rooms across the area, I have met many people who feel life isn't worth living because of their disability, diagnosis, or pain. I have also met people who seem happy despite their struggles. In most areas of my life, I think I probably fall firmly in the pessimistic camp, but if you have read any of my blog posts you might see that, by the grace of God, I am able to see the positive blessings in my life much more clearly than the struggles.

So what does all this have to do with my post today? Not much, except I wanted to point out the way we tend to group people into categories. We think in terms of black and white, even when we don't admit it. I personally like thinking in black and white terms because it makes sense. It is a neat, orderly way to view the world, but the problem is that the world is messy and gray. It took me years to figure that out. This is what my post is about. I am straying from my normal medical post to broach the subject of *gasp* politics.

I have witnessed an alarming trend the last few years, and I want to start a dialogue. We are more aware of bullying now than perhaps any other time in history, and yet my social media newsfeeds are filled with adults calling each other, groups, political parties, and specific people idiots (and much worse). Sadly and frequently these are the same adults that I see standing against bullying for their children, and fail to see that they are engaging in the same behavior.

Here is the truth: You are NOT an idiot, and neither am I. We are human. We make mistakes, we fail, do things we should not, say dumb things sometimes, and the list goes on and on. We have all been there. We have believed things we later discovered were not true. We jump to conclusions. We pass judgment (frequently without having all the facts). We criticize and name call, instead of truly trying to understand and learn from people who think differently than we do.

I have friends on both sides of the "aisle". Liberal and conservative. Christians, atheists, and other religions. Different races, classes and backgrounds. No matter what each of us believes, the truth is we are all human. Fundamentally the same. Largely comprised of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. (for you Star Trek TNG fans we are "useless bags of mostly water" 😃) When we boil it all down to that, NONE of us should feel superior.

As a nation that once prided itself on standing "united", we are the most divided we have ever been. We have lost the ability to have a civil conversation on many "hot button" issues. We dig our heels in, read things that confirm our own biases, and watch news stations that feed us the spin they know we already agree with. In a lot of ways, social media makes this all easier. "Trolls" are free to roam the internet and say things no one would ever say to someone's face.  It emboldens all of us to some extent. We "like" and "share" with little to no effort, and also with no confirmation of facts. We believe what we believe and are not likely to listen to groups who espouse contrary views.

I only bring this all up today, because yesterday, as I scrolled through social media, I saw posts from one group of friends who were calling certain political people morons. The very next post, from my other group of friends, was calling a different person crazy (which is a word I dislike for many reasons), and I felt disheartened. First, it is hard to hold out hope that our country can be united again. Do you remember the afternoon of September 11, 2001? Do you remember that feeling? Remember that you hugged your neighbor, despite their political or religious leanings? Can you fathom today that a random group of strangers would stop and pray, even if they all believe differently, simply because they had to do something....TOGETHER?

I feel sad that our nation that this era is punctuated with bullying at every age. That we are quick to name call, and spread "news" without really knowing it's source, or the bias of the person reporting it. I am especially downtrodden when I consider my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, fellow Christian believers, who post the same inflammatory, derogatory remarks, despite knowing that God clearly calls us to love our neighbor.

So, here it is. I love YOU. I believe with my whole heart that you and I were both created in the image of a holy and just God, and for that reason alone, you are deserving to be listened too, to be loved. We can love our neighbors (and are in fact called to do so) because He first loved us (1 John 4:19, Mark 12:31).

It is true that life has a lot of gray areas.  I pray that you might forgive me if I have ever said or done anything to imply you were stupid, or less than. I pray too that we might be able to share our beliefs in a non-judgmental way, really listening to each other, even if we still walk away with differing viewpoints.

This whole post was started because of a short clip of a documentary, and an interview of it's maker on WGN this morning. The documentary is called List(E)n. The preview shows the filmmaker bringing two people together over coffee to hear each other out. Two people on the opposite side of important issues, coming together to listen. This is how we stand united. We can believe differently, and still show respect and compassion for each other. Part of what made America what it is, is the ability to freely choose our religious and political views without fear of repercussions. Sadly, I fear this is no longer the case.

We are not that different. We are quirky and can be wrong sometimes (maybe even often?). We can be united in the fact that we have more in common than we do differences, or we can continue to see only the differences that divide. We can be optimistic and move forward together, choosing to focus on our similarities, or we can continue to bully everyone who doesn't believe the same as we do. Then maybe we can change our nation's motto to "divided we now stand". Can we start the conversation here? Tell me, what do you think?

Until Next Time~
Shari

The Glory Days

I think there is a real danger in, or an allure to, relive the “glory days.” Perhaps we look back at our younger years with fondness and nostalgia. Maybe there are some great memories from the years prior to knowing Christ. Those “great memories” get better with age, and distance. Were they really wonderful events to be recalled, or a sinful past to be repented of and forgotten?

People tell us—“oh, I wish I had your testimony, I never got to experience any of that stuff” or “I don’t have this amazing story of what God saved me from.” It always frustrates me to be honest. How much more amazing to say “God saved me from ever having to go through those painful experiences.” How I wish I didn’t have the scars of all my sins to carry around in this life. Do not discount the incredible testimony you have.

Don’t look back. There can be no glorifying our sins. The wages of sin is death. There was pain in those days. We forget the pain of childbirth, remembering only the joy of holding that newborn. Don’t forget the “pain” of those sins. Do you REALLY want to go back to a life without Christ? The worst day with Christ is infinitely better than the best one without Him.

Do you struggle with feeling like you “missed out”? Has God spared you from some of the pain others of us had to experience? If so, take time to give Him thanks for the excellent gift you have received.

I will end with a few of the lyrics from a Sara Groves song, “Painting Pictures of Egypt”:

“The places I long for the most

Are the places where I’ve been

They are calling after me like a long lost friend”….

“I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt

Leaving out what it lacked

The future feels so hard

And I want to go back”

Poked, Prodded and Scanned, Oh My!

Each December I plot my New Year’s resolution. Each December I actually plot out the exact same resolution; year after year. (quit snickering Chad!) I haven’t kept it yet, but try and try I must. My resolution has been this: I resolve to NOT meet our maximum out-of-pocket expense from our health insurance this year. Alas, I have failed again.

To give you an idea of what my January looks like, I will summarize. As of right now, I have had or will have:

4 doctor’s appointments

3 MRIs

1 Spinal Tap

1 Colonoscopy

An ultrasound

And my yearly mammogram (This is very important! My mother died from breast cancer, so please go get checked!)

You may think this sounds daunting and overwhelming, but for me it is normal. (For more information about my past health issues please read the two posts entitled “My Story” Part 1 here and Part 2 here).

Currently doctors are perplexed again. My newest issue involves both of my feet being numb. I am talking so numb I can’t really feel them when walking or driving. (Yes, let this be a warning to you. DO NOT drive closely behind my car, as I frequently make abrupt stops not realizing how hard I am pressing the brake pedal. I am hopeful that I will not add broken nose to my list of diagnoses!)

My job has become being a patient; which has made me more patient. I have learned to enjoy my time spent in MRI machines and waiting rooms and long car drives. It is a distraction-free time to spend with the Lord in prayer, and with His Word. I have also found the waiting rooms to be an untouched mission field. I have met many scared, worried, and despairing souls in waiting rooms. I tend to be pretty introverted, but have tried hard to notice these hurting people. I have found that many are bursting to be heard. (People love to talk about themselves, so I let them.) I listen, and then I share about God’s amazing grace in my own life.

Every one of you will be in a doctor’s waiting room at some point, granted maybe less frequently than I. Will you sit and bury your nose in a celebrity gossip magazine (I have been guilty of this as well), or maybe you will be that one patient that is loudly complaining to the young lady behind the front counter about how long your wait is and how valuable your time is? (By the way, it isn't her fault.) Maybe you can be the one that strikes up a conversation with a fellow patient, and pray that it leads to you sharing your faith with the lost and broken?

Do you have any waiting room stories to share? We would love to read about them.