Hello Goodbye

 Many years ago, our youngest moved out of our home and into her first apartment. I bought a welcome mat for her that was very similar to this photo.

I figured this mat would welcome people coming into her apartment and say goodbye when they left, but it was also saying goodbye to her living at home and hello to going out into the world. I thought of this welcome mat when I was considering this post... this final post on my blog.

In case you haven't seen the news, I have moved my writing to Substack, and you can follow me there if you want to continue on this journey with me. I will be writing about new things, and sharing some older blog posts too. But, before I go, I thought I would give you one final update about my breast cancer treatment.

Over the last couple of months, I have tried four different drugs that reduce estrogen in my body (my type of cancer "feeds" on estrogen). I have also had to stop all four medications due to unbearable side effects. I experienced dizziness, nausea, stomach pain, and brain fog. It got worse over a couple of weeks and made watching my granddaughter very difficult. I was supposed to take one of these medicines for the next 5-10 years to help prevent the cancer from returning, but at this point I have had to make the difficult decision to stop treatment.

It feels like I have had to choose between living well today or possibly living fewer years in the future. It is not that simple though, as we don't know what the future holds. 

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?"  (Luke 12:25-26)

It is impossible to not think about how this choice will affect my future, but I know that no amount of worry will add a single hour to my life. I fully trust that God, who has numbered the hairs of my head (Luke 12:7), will sustain me for all the hours, days and years that He will graciously provide. Today, I will try to focus on every little, daily blessing that God provides, and enjoy all the time I am given with my family and friends. 

For now, I will monitored closely and we will pray that if the cancer returns, they catch it early. May God's will be done. To God be the glory!

For the Last Time~

Shari

Latest Endeavors

 Hello! I was recently asked to join the Beauty Berry Writers Collective. Today is my first day writing with this team of wonderful Christian women and you can read my introduction on our Substack Upheld. Upheld was started to provide encouragement to parents who have raised children with special needs. I am joining the team to expand the focus to include life as an adult living with a disability. Please subscribe for weekly devotionals designed to strengthen your faith and encourage your heart through life's trials.

Going forward, my blog will focus on personal health updates. I have another appointment soon and hope to let you all know the latest in a couple of weeks. Thanks for reading! I look forward to you joining us on Substack!

Until Next Time~

Shari

From One Generation to the Next

I listened to a podcast recently about technology and kids, and the guest briefly mentioned she lived with her parents in a multigenerational home. While this was not the main point of the podcast, it got me thinking about what a blessing it is to provide daily care for my grandchild.

Our oldest was born when we were just 20 years old. Not only were we young and selfish, we were not Christians and had a very worldly view of children and family. My mother babysat on weekends and other times when she wasn't working so we could go do things we wanted to do. Selfish is the only word that comes to mind. I am honestly not sure if I even gave much thought to my mother's desires or the true benefit to my children of getting to spend time with their grandmother. I knew my kids were safe and I was free to pursue my own interests.

As I look back now, I am so grateful that my kids had as much time with my mom as they did, and that she loved them so much. I wish she would have lived longer so I could talk to her more about my foolishness back then and how thankful I am now for all that she did. Maybe this is just the nature of aging? The older I get, the more I realize how important time with family is. We love our grandbaby almost as much as her own parents do, so what a blessing to be able to pour into her life!

Two of my grandparents died before I was born. My father's father was an abusive alcoholic, and I remember meeting him once in a nursing home, where he told me you get freckles from wearing a straw hat in the sun. My mother's mother lived with us briefly when I was in my early teens before she went to a nursing home. She did not like me and made that clear. She once called me the "spawn of Satan" due to her hatred of my father, and I wrote more about that here. 

God has been so faithful to us! Our faithful Father has taught us over the years to put aside our own selfish desires, cherish time with family, and make Christ central in our lives. He has enabled us to be able to pour our time into Maddie, even before she is old enough to know the blessing of the rich heritage of faith and love surrounding her (and future grandchildren). 

Ever since we became Christians in 1998, my prayer has been that we might parent faithfully. I have prayed that we would see our children and our children’s children be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and that God might be pleased to see generation after generation of our family live to follow and serve Christ!

Each person in our family has different strengths, gifts, and levels of patience, each of which will be useful in the lives of all the grandchildren we may have. I believe God will use these multigenerational relationships to refine us, teach us humility, and make us less self-serving. Our grandkids will see a genuine faith modeled by different generations in everyday life, resembling a micro-version of the body of Christ.

Glory be to God!

“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.”

Psalm 145:4 (ESV)

Until Next Time~

Shari

Choose Your Own Ending

 When you were a kid, did you ever read a "choose your own ending" adventure book? I have fond memories of reading books like that, and my super organized personality (yes, even back then) made me go through the book many times to combine every possible story telling option. It was fun to see all the different ways a story could progress if just one choice had been changed. Unfortunately, our lives are not like that. We don't get to go back in time and choose a different pathway to see if it leads to a better outcome. 

My breast cancer journey began almost 6 months ago now. There have been a lot of twists and turns, and choices I have had to make. Currently we have decided that I cannot tolerate any of the three available aromatase inhibitors, so I will start the fourth and final medication on Monday. It is a different type of drug, and works differently, so hopefully I can tolerate the tamoxifen, and it does what it is supposed to: prevent cancer recurrence.

Chad and I joke sometimes about doctors and the term "practicing medicine" as it does seem like they are all still practicing! I have met with an oncologist, surgeon, radiologist, and each of them has a physician assistant, so there have been 6 different medical professionals handling my case. You would think that a multitude would be good (and it very well might be) but it has also caused some confusion. One doctor says "the cancer is gone" and the next says they will order a test to be sure "the cancer hasn't spread". One tells me the medication is essential if I want to not have the cancer return, and another says they tend to over-medicate and my risk is low.  How is one supposed to navigate a system where even the educated medical professionals can't seem to agree?

I wish I could approach this like a choose your own ending book, and see which choices make the best outcomes, but that simply isn't reality. Instead, I spend a LOT of time researching on my own, talking to all 6 of my health care team members, discussing it with my family, and then I pick a path forward. I do not know where the path leads. I do not know what the foreseeable future holds.

One thing I do know is that ultimately my future is secure, entirely anchored in Christ (who He is and what He has already done) and not dependent upon my choices or the strength/health of my body. I make the best choices I can and move forward one day at a time.

1 Peter 1:3-9 (esv)

"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I would appreciate your prayers as I begin the new medication and continue to make difficult decisions. May God graciously provide me with many more years, but I fully trust whatever my God ordains is right! 💜

Until Next Time~

Shari

Another Fork in the Road

 You may have realized by now that I never do anything the easy way! I had to stop taking the second medication because of difficult side effects. After a lot of research and discussing everything with my doctor, we have decided to try another medication. The meds they want me to take will help stop the breast cancer from returning, although it is no guarantee.

There are 3 drugs classified as aromatase inhibitors, which basically rid your body of all the estrogen and starve the cancer cells. I will start the exemestane this weekend (after my scheduled Friday colonoscopy). The risk/reward ratio is substantial enough to give it a try. If I experience adverse side effects again we will stop this medicine also, and move on to one last similar drug.

Tamoxifen has been around much longer than the above mentioned aromatase inhibitors. Tamoxifen is in a class of drugs called selective estrogen receptor modulators (SERMs). It works differently. It binds to estrogen receptors and blocks the hormone from fueling cancer cell growth. My mother took this medication back in the late 1990's.

I will try exemestane first and stop it if I run into problems again (I will know within two weeks). If I need to, I will start the Tamoxifen and do the same two-week trial. If I cannot tolerate either of these, then I will be carefully monitored, and if the cancer returns, they will recommend doing the double mastectomy at that point.

I am still managing one day at a time. It is well with my soul. I am enjoying every minute with my granddaughter. Life is pretty good, even in the midst of these trials. Glory be to God!

Until Next Time~

Shari

Still Trekking Down The Path

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster! The highs of providing full time childcare to our first grandchild intermixed with starting the aromatase inhibitors (anti-estrogen cancer meds) and the dreadful side effects. If you have read much of my blog over the years, you probably know that I joke about always being the 1% of patients that experience rare side effects. I don't know why I seem prone to medication difficulties, but whenever I need to start a new medicine, I ask about the less common side effects and weigh the benefit / risk ratio.

Aromatase Inhibitors are a common treatment in hormone+ breast cancers and are highly effective at reducing the risk of recurrence by 40%. The drugs work well, but they also come with some unpleasant side effects. To be fair, up to half of the women who take the medicine actually tolerate it very well; I am not one of them. The most common issues are: 

• typical menopause symptoms (hot flashes, night sweats, and among others)
• bone density loss over time
• weight gain
• joint and muscle pain

I am experiencing some of those (not the longer-term effects), but I also have some less common side effects like dizziness/lightheadedness and nausea/stomach pain. I tried letrozole first and the side effects were unbearable, so after 2 weeks we switched to anastrozole, but only every other day instead of daily. I have been on the anastrozole almost 3 weeks. I am experiencing the same side effects, but they are somewhat more tolerable. It has been a rough 5 weeks on the drugs and cannot imagine doing this for the estimated 5-10 years. I am thankful I did not need to do chemo and try to find some comfort knowing that these meds are not as bad as chemo would have been.

I am reminded of the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-14), in which we ask God to provide our daily bread, and the refrain and last verse of the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness-

Refrain:

Great is thy faithfulness,

Great is thy faithfulness,

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed thy hand hast provided;

Great is thy faithfulness,

Lord unto me.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine and ten thousand beside. 

If you looked up the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6, you could keep reading through that chapter and see that God cares for each of us individually. He clothes us and feeds us. He provides grace each day to face whatever we might be facing. In verse 34 we are reminded to not worry about tomorrow because each day has enough trouble of its own.

To all who are in Christ Jesus, who have come to Him weary and heavy-laden, and have trusted in Him for forgiveness, we can rest in Him, knowing that His burden is easy and light (Matthew 11:28-30). Ultimately, I give thanks to God for the strength and mercy He provides me each morning. I look expectantly towards that "bright hope for tomorrow" of my imperishable inheritance that is found only in Christ (1 Peter:3-9), my only hope and comfort during this difficult life.

Until Next Time~

Shari

Resting...Sort Of

 Hello! I thought it was time to update how I am doing. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since I finished radiation, and the fatigue is lingering longer than I would like, but my skin has really healed up. I am moving in the right direction! I started the anti-estrogen medication (Letrozole) two days ago, and so far, I don't have any side effects. 

Now that the hard part is over, I think this next season will be one of resting. If you know me, you know resting is not easy for me. I tend to keep pushing through to get things done, but that isn't the best idea right now as I let my body heal, so I keep on trying to learn to just R-E-S-T.

This past week, I started my new gig as full time grandma providing childcare. Nothing helps you slow down a little like an 11-week-old baby that likes being held. 😁 My cancer diagnosis has really helped me to think more about how I spend my time, and what is truly important. Holding my sweet grandchild is way better than to-do list, social media scrolling, and other busyness that draws us away from the better things.

So, my current prayer is that I learn to just rest, not only physically, but keep learning to more fully rest in Christ. He did all the work, so that I could enter His rest, and I pray also that you are able to do that as well.

Until Next Time~
Shari

I will leave you with the lyrics to the hymn: Jesus, I am Resting, Resting

Jesus, I am resting, resting

in the joy of what thou art;

I am finding out the greatness

of thy loving heart.

Thou hast bid me gaze upon thee,

as thy beauty fills my soul,

for by thy transforming power,

thou hast made me whole.

Refrain:

Jesus, I am resting, resting

in the joy of what thou art;

I am finding out the greatness

of thy loving heart.

O how great thy loving-kindness,

vaster, broader than the sea!

O how marvelous thy goodness

lavished all on me!

Yes, I rest in thee, Beloved,

know what wealth of grace is thine,

know thy certainty of promise

and have made it mine. [Refrain]

Simply trusting thee, Lord Jesus,

I behold thee as thou art,

and thy love, so pure, so changeless,

satisfies my heart;

satisfies its deepest longings,

meets, supplies its ev'ry need,

compasseth me round with blessings:

thine is love indeed. [Refrain]

Ever lift thy face upon me

as I work and wait for thee;

resting 'neath thy smile, Lord Jesus,

earth's dark shadows flee.

Brightness of my Father's glory,

sunshine of my Father's face,

keep me ever trusting, resting,

fill me with thy grace. [Refrain]