OUCH!

All of us 1980's kids, probably remember when that little alien came on the scene. No, not ALF, the other one. You know who I mean! The 1982 film, E. T. the Extra Terrestrial, was a heart warming story of friendship. Of course, thinking of friendship with an alien sounds, well, alien. If you haven't seen it, go now and watch. I'll wait.

Aliens were about the only thing that didn't happen this past year (although the US military has acknowledged some unidentified flying objects, and leaked video footage, so who knows!) The past year and a half have been difficult, to say the least. A global pandemic lead to unprecedented shutdowns. Illness, death, lost jobs and businesses, isolation, riots and looting, and some natural disasters as well, lead to day after day of seemingly bad and painful news. No one remained untouched by these recent events. We have all suffered in one way or another.

Today in Illinois, we officially "reopen" without any pandemic restrictions, for the first time since March 2020. There is reason to be excited about getting back to normal, and yet some of us might not be ready to throw away our masks and pretend like none of this happened. I have shared in previous posts about the need for love, grace and patience as we deal with each other. This has all been painful and traumatic, more so for some than others. 

You all probably know my love for all things medical. I have my "armchair MD" degree, mostly due to my own health issues, and my love of research. Like most other relevant medical topics in my life, I kept up with the research on COVID-19 as it became available. You are well aware of the need to find reliable sources for all of our news. Ignorance and untruth abounds on the internet! We ALL had to weigh the facts, consider our own health and family situation, and make difficult choices these past 14+ months. 

If you have followed any part of my health journey, you might know that we have been to Mayo several times, and are set to return again this September. I am currently on a "drug holiday" (as the doctor called it), and not taking any treatment. I am currently going through a particularly difficult, painful, downhill path in my disease process the last couple of months that has me reevaluating my treatment options. I hurt everywhere! Widespread joint and muscle pain, as well as worsening neurological symptoms make me think it may be time to consider if more medication is necessary.

In the past, I have had to weigh a number of factors in deciding which treatment to try (or not). My disease is rare, and so the research is sparse, ongoing, and thus hard to decipher at times.  It is not easy to make a choice to take a chemotherapy drug that comes with lots of health risks, when the scientific studies were only able to try it on a handful of patients. Many of you have probably made decisions that seem to have no "right' answer and it can be heart-wrenching, or perhaps have disastrous consequences. This new coronavirus pandemic gave us all a taste of what it is like to have a disease no one knows much about. Studies are needed, but take time, and leave a lot of unanswered questions as we make decisions about our health.

It is normal for us to have our emotions and feelings sway our decisions. It is hard sometimes to trust the facts. The most recent research of COVID-19 and the mRNA vaccines seem to suggest that they are very effective at preventing serious illness and death, even with the current variants.  (I recommend CIDRAP for trustworthy research, and a great podcast too) After 14 months of caution, worry, masks, bad news reports, shutdowns and everything else, it can be very difficult to set aside the difficult emotions we have had, and trust the science. Some will be totally comfortable jumping in the deep end of the pool. Others have never gotten out of the pool. Still others are slathered in sunscreen, and just starting to dip a toe in the shallow wading pool. We need to extend grace to each other as we wade back into life, at our own pace. Encouragement, support and love are called for here, not judgment and ridicule!

God made us emotional beings. We should feel things deeply, however we cannot trust our feelings to be the basis of our decision making. Feelings may tell us it is unsafe to drive after watching hours of car crashes, and reviewing accident data. Science and engineering data may help us to trust the braking system in our cars. Those two things are seemingly at odds with each other. Most of us will trust the car to work as we expected, and yet many might still be anxious while driving or being a passenger in a vehicle. We have to move past emotion in many situations. The Bible tells us that "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7).

That is not to say that we shove our emotions down deep and ignore them, but we also can't trust our emotions completely. I feel lots of pain, and that makes me feel sad. I feel like I can't do things I want to do, and that makes me feel like I can't contribute in a meaningful way. I could keep going with the "I feel" sentences, but what I know is that God is faithful. God is sovereign "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) He is trustworthy, my feelings are not. I have to function in the space where I feel all the feelings, but can still trust Him enough to step off the diving board in faith, without drowning in my emotions.

I am struggling right along with all of you. It has been a ROUGH year in so many ways! Pray that we all learn to trust God more fully, love each other more in humility, and forgive others as we have been forgiven. Pray for those who have not yet trusted in Christ alone for salvation. Pray we all suffer well, in a manner worthy of our calling, and in a manner that brings glory to God!

Until Next Time

~Shari

Counting Our Blessings

I should be used to the frequent monkey wrench being thrown into our lives, and the past couple of weeks have been no exception! I called my urologist back on Friday, January 22nd to tell him I think I was passing a kidney stone. (This was #21 for me, so I keep him on speed dial). If you have been getting church prayer requests, or FB updates, you may want to skip to the end and see where we are now.

He ordered some meds and testing to confirm my diagnosis (I was correct), and I settled in at home praying that I could pass this stone without much additional intervention needed (I did).....and then came the monkey wrench. On Thursday, January 28th the doctor called and said that my right kidney (not the one that was hurting) showed a decent sized stone (making this one #22). He said that he would prefer to proactively schedule lithotripsy (a shockwave ultrasound procedure that breaks up the stone into smaller sand-like particles). I REALLY didn't want to, because I have done it a couple times before, and had some discomfort. My pain was better, as I passed stone #21, and wasn't looking forward to undergoing more treatment, especially during the pandemic. After a lengthy debate with my doctor, who stressed that if we did nothing and waited, he placed odds at 50/50 that I could pass a stone this large without intervention. We didn't really want it to become an emergency, so I relented and scheduled the lithotripsy for Tuesday, February 2nd.

The procedure went well, and I was rejoicing when the doctor said a stent was not necessary. They are very irritating and unpleasant, so I felt like I dodged a bullet. The next couple of days I was resting at home, and coping with the pain but it gradually worsened. By Wednesday overnight, I told Chad something wasn't going well, as pain was getting out of control, and urine production had slowed. By Thursday morning, pain level was at 10/10, even with oral pain meds I had left, so off to the emergency room we went. After a 3 hour wait in the waiting room, writhing in pain, moaning and crying. Trust me, I have a high tolerance for pain and low tolerance for drawing attention to myself. For me to be in a crowded waiting room making a "scene" is a good indication of my level of misery. We had a new CT scan and quickly realized a larger chunk of my now broken up #22 stone, combined with my "smaller than normal anatomy", had wedged itself in the ureter just outside the kidney, and was blocking the flow of urine.

We love analogies and visual aids in our house, mostly Chad likes them when I try to communicate nerdy science/medical info. This week has been the following two charts. One indicating my pain level:

The other one helped indicate the problem with the kidney stone blocking my kidney function, made specifically for the beer lover, like Chad.  haha 

I am thankful to report I am currently back to a blonde ale coloring, hovering only around a 3 on the pain scale with at home meds. Yay!


Thursday, as I sat in the ER waiting room, praying for mercy for myself, I heard one announcement after another, that reminded me that I am not the only one suffering. During that time, 5 or 6 ambulances incoming, 2 stroke team alerts, and a code blue. God gently reminded me that not one of us expects today to be a day of pain or loss, but for many it will be. So, I began to pray for those other families who were worried and waiting, separated from their loved ones during covid also.

Much to our dismay, the ER did the scan as the doctor wanted, gave me a dose of IV pain meds that brought from a 10 to about a 5, then promptly sent me home all in about 2 hours. They refused to give me a pain medication prescription, due to the "opioid epidemic", and sent me home knowing I had only 3 pills left. I was told to take Tylenol if needed, which is laughable! (this whole opioid topic is a much longer rant, but I will just say as a chronic pain sufferer, millions of patients are being denied drugs that once made their lives livable, because some have abused them. Hopefully they start to come to a more realistic stance and let these pills help those who need them)

The urologist added me to his schedule for surgery on Saturday to unblock my kidney. He was happy to do this, in frigid weather, on his day off, and I am truly thankful. Unfortunately, when the at home pills ran out, so did my ability to tolerate being an 8/10 on the pain scale by Friday after lunch. So the doctor sent me back to the ER to be admitted to the hospital, where they could "better manage my pain" at CDH, until the procedure Saturday. (Sorry to keep ranting, but literally a prescription for a handful of pain meds, could have kept me more comfortable at home than a night in hospital with IV morphine, which is a MUCH a stronger narcotic, and the whole thing makes no sense to me)

My wait time in the ER at Central Dupage was only about 30 minutes. It was just long enough for a homeless couple to come in, asking to be tested for covid, saying they were seeking shelter from the brutally cold temps outside. God once again opened my eyes to those suffering around me. In the midst of all of this, I have also chatted with dozens of healthcare workers, who all shared a sense of fatigue in this pandemic, and I knew I haven't prayed enough for all of them either.

God really used the last couple of weeks to reveal my own failings, and to reveal the love He has for us, using others to be His hands and feet to carry that love to us in a tangible way. I realized my own health issues can be overwhelming, and make me self-centered to a large degree. I spend a LOT of effort just getting through the day with my normal health struggles. Times like these just make the facade crack and reveal, once again, I am still striving, planning, trying to manage it all in my own strength, feeling that I have to keep all the plates spinning in my well organized little world without help. God graciously opens my eyes to see the struggling, the hurting, the needy all around me, and wake me out of my comfortable, scheduled life.

Today I am beyond thankful to have a beautiful home with heat (upon waking this morning the temperature outside was -15 with wind chill "feels like" temp of -35). I am grateful for the medical staff who have worked so hard to provide excellent care. I am reminded to pray fervently for so many others. Let us praise God for working in our hearts, getting our eyes off ourselves and our problems, and bringing us to our knees in prayer and reliance upon Him.

He has also dealt graciously with my sin. I am very "self-sufficient" (in my mind anyways), and accepting offers of help doesn't come easy. I don't want to be a burden, or pitied, or an inspiration, and so I tend to just plug along without help, trying to blog my story to remind myself and everyone else that ultimately it is God, and Him alone, who deserve all the praise and glory! He alone is our source of provision and strength. This week He has sustained me with so many words of encouragement (prayers, texts, emails and calls) and many offers of help. (Incredibly thankful for the church Meal Train page they set up, so I don't have to worry about meals for the next couple of weeks) I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for Chad and I (and even our adult children Rían and Katherine). Truly, from the bottom of our hearts, Thank you! 

From family, our closest friends, all the way to distant acquaintances, you all showed up for us in the midst of a crisis. I hate feeling like a burden on someone else's busy, stressful schedule, many of whom are very likely suffering in their own way. I have NOT been made to feel like a burden, rather the opposite as so many of you wanted so badly to "do something" and this was a way to bless us and serve in a way that we all experience God's goodness. 

God has really healed my heart to see how we can set aside our differences, "being there" when needed, and focus back on the truly important things. I have seen that suffering has a way of healing in these ways and more. God has been at work in my heart, and given me a glimpse of that heavenly unity that awaits ALL of those who have placed their faith in Christ. Unity is definitely not a word defining our current cultural climate, but we still have hope that is found in Christ.

I pray that each of us might look to God in faith, and repent, placing our faith in Christ alone for our salvation. Always remembering that He alone is in sovereign control over our lives, in good times and bad. Join me in praying for all whose paths I crossed in a brief way this week, and glimpsed a bit of their suffering as well. None of us wake up thinking this will be the day that our world will fall apart with an ambulance ride, a stroke alert, code blue, or even homelessness, but for many people that will be their day today, and we all need Christ. 

~Until Next Time

Shari

If I Died Today (What Would My Friends Say?)

 A part of me wishes to remain silent. I wonder if speaking even does any good. Will I just be one more voice among the thousands of voices that will likely only be heard by those who already agree with me? Is there any value in speaking up? I hope so.

After seeing that the term "6%" was trending on Twitter, I looked to see what it was all about. I also quickly found many FB posts regarding the new CDC number breakdowns of all the coronavirus deaths. We have known all along that COVID-19 disproportionately impacts the elderly, people of color, and those with underlying medical conditions (AKA co-morbidity). The numbers did NOT change, but the CDC statistics now clearly show that 6% of the deaths were young, healthy individuals with no underlying medical problems. The other 94% of the deaths involved age and/or health issues; however, the virus is still the reason for their deaths. Heart disease, stroke, diabetes, obesity, and other conditions do make your chances greater for having a serious case of COVID-19, or dying from it. Every one of those deaths was just as much caused by the virus, and every one of those deaths matters!

If I had contracted the coronavirus and died today, my death would be in that 94% bracket, but I MOST definitely died because of the virus. My neurological condition perhaps puts me in a higher risk category than you of serious illness or death from COVID-19, but my disease by itself is not deadly, thus the virus would still be the precipitating event in my untimely death.

If I died today, what would my friends say? Sadly based on social media, I think many would say she was "older" and "sick" so she wasn't worth shutting down an economy or wearing a mask. Others would blame the people who are out having parties, not wearing masks, and "don't care about others." Neither would be accurate, but I see both views on display every day.

The division in our country causes me so much heartache, and I find myself in tears this morning. Sometimes all this bickering is exhausting, and it saddens me to see fellow Christian sharing memes of "sheeple" instead of the gospel. I will continue to pour my heart out to God, but would you join me? May He show us all mercy, and help us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Christian brothers and sisters who say ALL lives matter, surely each and every soul lost to this virus, regardless of any preexisting condition, is a tragedy, most especially those who die apart from Christ.

How did we become such a polarized and hate-filled nation? I ask myself what part have I played? Maybe you are willing to ask yourself the same thing?

The facts and truth are harder than ever to discern. As an example, the CDC was once a nonpartisan organization that presented the medical and scientific facts to educate the public. It has recently become more political, changing policy due to politics rather than science.It should concern us ALL that any group/organization/company would only speak along party lines, never listening to the other side. We must be vigilant and discerning, my dear friends!

While we live in an age of information overload, the truth gets lost in a sea of rhetoric and misinformation, but we have a duty to speak and defend the truth. Especially as a Christian, I know the importance of studying and searching to uncover the truth, being slow to rush to judgment or point fingers. May God help us all to listen, discern, and seek the truth! May it start with me. May God give wisdom and humility freely to all who ask, as they are both much needed!

You who are angry and tired of fighting in the midst of injustice and inequity. I hear you and I see you. Would you share your personal experience and pain you have felt from racism with me? Would you allow me to share my concerns and fears as well? Can we move forward together, giving each other grace to grow and learn?

You are fearful that your rights are being striped away, and the government is taking your freedoms. I hear you and I see you. Would you join me in praying for our nation? Will you tell me what worries you the most? Can I share with you how hot and uncomfortable wearing a mask is, but also explain how it can help protect me, and makes me feel like you care for me? Might we come together in our love for Christ and one another, extending grace as we grow and learn? 

Please don't turn a deaf ear to your neighbor! Maybe we can all agree that these are difficult times! We must be slow to anger, slow speak, and quick to listen. Seek the facts, and the science, and then filter them all through the Scriptures. Be willing to hear the pain and stories of others, showing compassion. Turn off the news/social media and go start a dialogue with your neighbors. Each of us has differing views, unique experiences, and contrasting cultural backgrounds, yet we might all find unity in Christ, and I pray that we will. 

Until Next Time~

Shari

P.S. If you made it this far in reading my post, please pray for our upcoming trip back to Mayo Clinic September 8-10. Will post some updates afterwards!

Shattered Comfort

What can I say about the start of 2020 that you haven't already been made aware? Global pandemic, protests, riots, and SO much political bickering it has, quite frankly, become depressing to be on social media at all. Who could have ever predicted that asking to wear a mask would become a political divide? I am not a theologian, politician, or historian. I am a suburban, white, Christian (reformed), woman with a disability, who feels a bit like giving up. What that means exactly, I haven't quite figured out, but what was once my comfortable little corner of the world, now seems disquieted.

Racism has been the topic most recently dividing my social media newsfeed into an "us" and "them." There seems to be no end to those divisive words thrown about on any given topic. I have just been shook from my comfortable suburban life these past few months, which is a good thing. I have said before that my prayer, my desire, is that God might show me areas in my life where my thinking has been wrong. That I might never get too "comfortable" thinking I have it all figured out. I pray He would reveal to me those hard to see personal sins and my lack of concern and compassion. Give wisdom in areas of ignorance, and grace to change wrong beliefs. Lately, I have prayed for forgiveness in turning a blind eye. So easy to get wrapped up in ourselves, our family, our problems, and forget there are others.

I am sure we all have our favorite spot to sit and read, or that well-worn seat where we wrap ourselves in a blanket and binge watch our favorite show. We have our routines. Each family settles into their "normal" busy lives. We get very comfortable there, don't we? There is a sense in which we think that other people's lives look much the same....or maybe we don't think of their lives at all.

I have noticed the defensive posture many of us take on social media (a posture we may not be so bold in maintaining if we were face to face). Someone calls mask-wearers sheep, or non-mask-wearers are heartless people who don't care if they infect others. It is hard not to put up your shield when approached in such a strong way. We may feel the posts on racism don't include us. Our comfortable live is shaken thinking about some of these issues. And it should be!

If our first thought on any issue is to indignantly reply, "Not me!" instead of taking a close and honest look at our lives and hearts, we have chosen a prideful and dangerous response. I have learned so much about the virus, studied medical journals, read peer-reviewed studies, learned about COVID-19 as the doctors around the world are learning about it. I have also read YOUR posts, both sides of the debate, and then I have tried to form my own (hopefully wise) opinions. BUT I hold that all loosely! So much is still unknown about this new virus. I cannot dogmatically hold firm to what I believed 2 months ago, because new information is coming in that changes that. I must be willing to learn and change also.

The same is true of the recent talks of racism and the Black Lives Matter movement. I have learned more in the last few weeks about black history, reading personal stories from people of color, and have more fully realized that all of our experiences are NOT the same. We do not all have the comfortable suburban life. We do not all have the same struggles or opportunities. I do not think all white people are racist. I do think all people of all colors need to be willing to learn and listen. If someone accuses you of being a racist, I understand the tendency to assume the defensive posture. No one thinks of themselves as a bigot, but we do all have biases. We all have difference experiences/backgrounds which shape our worldview. We must begin to understand that our lives, in fact, do NOT all look the same on a day to day basis.

This hasn't been on the news much if at all, but there have definitely been other forms of discrimination made clear to me these past few months as well. Ageism and Ableism.

Ageism: "Ageism is the stereotyping and discrimination of individuals or groups on the basis of their age; ageism can take many forms, including prejudicial attitudes, discriminatory practices or institutional policies that perpetuate stereotypical beliefs." (source World Health Organization)

Ableism: "Ableism is the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. At its heart, ableism is rooted in the assumption that people require 'fixing' and defines people by their disability. Like racist and sexism, ableism classifies entire groups of people as 'less than,' and includes harmful stereotypes, misconceptions, and generalizations of people with disabilities."

(source accessliving.org)

I am saddened to see how hard hit nursing homes and group homes for individuals with disabilities have been hit. To be clear, these are not the expensive, private homes that you may see in the upper-middle class neighborhoods. These are the state and federally funded homes that Medicare covers. Places like my grandmother lived. I remember the horrible smell, and the patients left sitting alone in the hallway. Others wandering around half dressed, and seemingly uncared for. We only went to visit her a few times. Our society doesn't place a whole lot of value on the "old" or the "infirmed". If you can't contribute or produce, you don't have much value. That may seem harsh, maybe you feel that impulse to assume a defensive stance. You may not feel that way about your own mother, but that doesn't mean you aren't ageist, much the same as having a black friend doesn't mean you aren't racist. 

People with disabilities are an often overlooked and neglected group as well. Homes like I mentioned above are frequently places of abuse. The National Institutes of Health estimates 1 in 10 are abused in settings like this. Are you aware of this? Recently a man who was living in a care home like this was allowed to die of COVID without treatment, because doctors deemed his quality of life not worth saving.

I have personally experienced ableism (and sexism, but that is a story for a different day!). The ableist says things like: "Such a shame, you're too young to be stuck in that chair" or "I would want to kill myself if I had to deal with what you are going through." (real life examples)

Sometimes it is blatantly obvious, other times it is more subtle. Maybe just a superior attitude of "I can do it better/easier" or condescending "you poor thing." People talk to me like I am 3 years old sometimes, "Look at you, doing that all by yourself." It is more than just words, but again, a systemic problem. Society as a whole does not give any thought to people who are not the same as them. In this case, not the color of my skin, but the ability of my body. Could be missing limbs, or paralysis. Might be a developmental issue or genetic disease that cause you to move, act, speak differently or not at all. Maybe you are deaf or hard of hearing. The world around us is built by and for people who look and move a certain way....."normal."

I have not counted, but conservatively half of the places I go have accessibility issues. Even places that have been made by laws to add an accessible bathroom, block the hallway with chairs or boxes. The worst is all the hospitals and doctors that have step-on garbage cans in the accessible bathroom (I have mentioned this issue before). Recently I had a test done at a local hospital and the bathroom in the room had the handicapped accessible plaque. Unfortunately, it was an old surgical room turned into the testing site, and the sink only had step-on (foot controlled) water. I can stand, but am not stable. Just trying to balance on one foot to step on something to wash my hands is very difficult, and puts me at risk for falling. Others may not have use of their legs, and would be unable to clean up after using the bathroom. I came out after my ordeal, and mentioned to the tech about the foot pedals not being accessible, and they should fix the bathroom to be ADA compliant or removed their sign. Her response is an example of ableism. 

She replied, "It has a grab bar, so that makes it accessible."

Me, "No, much more is needed for a bathroom to be accessible. If I have no use of my legs, how do I wash my hands?"

She thought for a minute and said, "Maybe the person who hung the sign didn't think about someone having legs that don't work, do you think that's it?"

me *blink* *blink* "Yeah, I think that's it."

This seems like a battle I can't win. Maybe you think that ignorance doesn't mean you are ableist. Maybe you are right. Maybe you are wrong. My main point about all of this is that we don't need to attend a white nationalist rally to be racist, or knock little old ladies down in the street to ageist. We need to open our eyes to see the differences around us (color/race, age, sex, ability, etc.), acknowledge and honor those differences. Recognize that when you say "all lives matter" it doesn't excuse ignorance of the situation. All people's lives do matter. Absolutely! And because they do, they are worth our time to get to know, to learn about their struggles, to love, and to treat like a fellow human being. Stop using terms like "us" and "them" and start seeing all of us and "we."

So far, 2020 has been the perfect storm in a sense. Isolation during the shutdown. Perhaps fear of the virus, or for loss of liberty. The nation watched George Floyd being killed, and the desire for justice gave way to protests and riots. We all want to be heard and seen. Take some time to learn about people that are different from you, if all our lives matter.

It is so easy to stay in our comfortable corners of the world, and pay little attention to things that don't impact us. Lately I feel shaken, broken even. There is SO much injustice, so much passing the blame, so little self-reflection. 

So, I pray. 

I pray for myself. May my eyes continued to be open, and may God show me how to contribute in a meaningful way. May He continue to guard my tongue, helping me to respond in love to people who show me ableist attitudes. I pray He helps me to truly see and hear the people created in His image; to love them as He loved me.

I pray for all of you also. May each of you set down your shield, and be willing to read things from the other person's perspective. May we all compare these things to God's word, being willing to grow, change, and repent in areas where needed. May we seek to reconcile and love those across the divide. 

I pray for the US, that we might not just go back to our comfortable pre-pandemic lives, and forget all that 2020 has revealed to us. May God be glorified in our lives, and throughout the world!

Until Next Time~
Shari

We're Not Crazy

By now, unless you live in a cave, you have surely heard of the COVID-19 "novel coronavirus". The divide in America that I have mentioned before, is now focused on the virus instead of politics, but it still gets ugly very quickly! So, whenever I have a lot of thoughts gathering in my brain, I blog about them. I thought I would add my non-medical two cents worth to this whole ordeal (aren't you lucky).

1. "Panic Buying" - Stores are relatively empty of virtually all kinds of grocery items, and definitely out of hand sanitizer, face masks and toilet paper by now. My first point that we should consider, is that people are SCARED. This fear reveals the worst of humanity, the total depravity of man shows itself clearly as shoppers fight over toilet paper. Please pause and consider the shopper behind you who may not be able to get basic supplies they need for survival. If you weren't concerned about the virus at all, you may now be worried about the lack of food, and resulting ripples throughout the economy.

If you have seen people shopping with masks and gloves, it is not always because of fear. Slowing the spread of the virus is not just to protect yourself. There are individuals that are at greater risk for contracting the illness. Some must wear masks to protect themselves or their children, so please be kind. It is so easy to laugh and think they are being ridiculous, like this mother who experienced shaming as she shopped for her family.

This is an opportunity for the body of Christ to reach out with the only message that can calm a soul, the healing balm of the Gospel. As a Christian, I should be wise, educate myself about the virus, be considerate of others and try not to spread the virus. I should recognize this fear, be understanding, listen, and spread the love of Christ instead. Hopefully we can all give consideration to others, and share some of our excess supplies with those who may have very little.

Another thing to consider about the excessive hoarding is the fact there are people with compromised immune systems that need some of the items that were bought in large quantity in the early days. (Read this article for a personal perspective). This leads to my next point....


2. "Price Gouging" - The market generally allows manufacturers and store owners to recognize demand for certain items. They lower prices to help get things sold that aren't selling (think clearance racks). They raise prices to slow sales when items are flying off shelves, while they increase production. Times like this bring out the greed in our society. Some people in an effort to make a lot of money, bought supplies so they could turn around and sell them for a huge profit. (This guy is stuck with 17,700 bottles of hand sanitizer) Again, this is our opportunity to share with those in need.

Under this heading, while I mentioned greed, I thought I could add the fact that almost immediately scams popped up regarding the virus. Selling useless/fake products, including offers of cures and vaccines. Please check for the facts from a reliable source like the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)


3. "Down Playing the Seriousness" - If you aren't concerned about the virus at all, then I think you need to read more about it. It is new, which is why it is called "novel". A couple months ago, they knew nothing about the virus. As experts try to learn quickly, they offer the best practices from the data they have received. I have seen many posts about people overreacting for no reason, or the flu killing more people each year. This virus doesn't have a year's worth of data. As far as all the closures being an overreaction, I would say they are not. Italy is literally choosing which patients get to use the available medical equipment (like ventilators) and which ones die. The US response is meant to slow or stop the spread of the virus so that it does not overwhelm the medical system. The virus is deadly, and while you might be young and healthy with mild symptoms, you can still spread it to others for whom it may be life threatening. To these people, this is a very big deal!

As a side note, please know that even if the virus doesn't end up affecting millions of people does NOT mean it was no big deal! It does mean that all the actions taken (closing businesses/schools, social distancing, washing your hands, etc) DID work, and the disease was starved of hosts. We should be thankful for that and not smug that you were right.

You may have also seen ageism and ableism rear it's ugly head with subtle comments like "it only affects the elderly and sick" or the not so subtle use of the term "the boomer remover" to label the virus. Things like this story are sickening, but again clearly display the sinfulness of man. In the midst of all of this, I hope we can remember that each of us was created in the image of God. As image-bearers, my prayer would be that we might be able to trust Him for our needs; that His Word would bring comfort to our hearts; and His Spirit would prompt us to act in a loving manner towards one another.

Times like these make it clear that none of us are promised tomorrow. The Bible is clear that "today is the day of salvation." So, you should "choose today whom you will serve" and place your faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Believe that Christ died for your sins and was risen to provide eternal life for all who believe. Repent of your sins. Whether you have toilet paper or not, you can trust that God is in control. Life won't be easy, and you might still feel fearful, but you can absolutely trust Jesus and God's Word, and rest in Him. (2 Corinthians 6:2; Joshua 24:14; Mark 1:15)


4. Final reminders - Please, brothers and sisters, check on your neighbors, and help where you can. One thing this whole situation has helped me to see is that I should try to keep a few extra pantry goods, so that when something like this happens we have plenty to share with our neighbors in need. What a beautiful testimony to the unsaved world to be a calm and shining light in times like this! Be safe everyone and together we will get through this.

Until Next Time~
Shari

Ignoring The Warning Signs

Sometimes you know that you have a problem. Maybe you are too busy to deal with it. You might not want to face the problem (denial- it ain't just a river in Egypt!). You could even be dealing with another bigger problem, and choose to ignore the warning signs. I am an endless supply of prayer requests, and am always dealing with multiple issues. Sometimes, it feels like the more I pray for relief, the more new things pop up!

I had been feeling the stomach discomfort, and knew I was taking more NSAIDS recently to help with pain. I have had an ulcer in the past (twice actually) from steroids and ibuprofen usage, so I know what the signs are. I was aware enough that there was a problem, that I started taking over the counter stomach meds, but honestly, I didn't want to think about one more problem.....so I didn't. Sometimes, you ignore the warning signs until you are doubled over in pain after every meal, and it refuses to be ignored any longer.

Doctors now have me on a stronger, prescription medication for a gastric ulcer, and I am adjusting my diet to help also. I was left with no other option, than to accept the fact that I could no longer ignore the symptoms. Choosing to overlook little "problems" can often be life-threatening. An ulcer, if ignored long term, can grow larger until it literally eats a whole in your stomach, and you could die. A medical condition that is very common, and usually benign, over time becomes a very serious issue.

Our lives are all like this. We ignore signs, especially when the problem seems small, and easy to overlook. We convince ourselves it isn't a big deal, or we will deal with it at a more convenient time. Sin is the same way. We can let ourselves off the hook regarding our thoughts, words or deeds. We make excuses or convince ourselves it won't happen again. Eventually, that unchecked sin can becoming life-threatening. The Bible tells us that all of us sin, but did you know that your conscious can become so dull, that you no longer feel the gnawing pain of your sin? Your heart becomes callous, with repeated sin, like hands that are submitted to daily hard work. Eventually it fails to cause us pain any longer, and therefore we fail to take notice and rectify the problem.

Some of you might be tired of my constant reminders of our sin. Our need to repent, and turn to Christ alone for salvation, but what is more loving? Should we let our loved ones just fly passed all the clear warning signs, when we know the bridge is out ahead, and they are heading for disaster? Of course not! If we could help a friend or family member to accept and deal with a difficult issue, before it becomes life-threatening, we most certainly would! God's word is clear that sin will result in death. Not just the physical death that we all with face, but spiritual death- left dead in our sins, being eternally separated from God in hell, where there is no longer any hope for salvation.

Don't ignore that gnawing pain in your gut, my friends. It was put there to awaken you from your spiritual slumber, and cause you to see the deadly consequences of your sin. Go straight the Thy Great Physician, God Himself, in faith, and repent today so your healing may be complete. 💜

Until Next Time~
Shari

Is There Something In My Teeth?

Have you ever come home after a day out, and realized you had food in your teeth (or maybe it was toilet paper stuck to your shoe, a spot on your shirt, or something in your nose)?

You immediately start to wonder:

How long it has been there? 

Who saw it? 

Why didn't anyone tell me!?!?! 

You may feel embarrassed or ashamed. It might make you more vigilant on your next outing, so you double check to be sure it doesn't happen again.

This has happened to me. More than once actually. We confidently walk around a party, meet new people, and enjoy the company of old friends, all the while unaware of the leftover meal protruding from our smile. It is blatantly obvious to everyone else around us, yet we remain blissfully ignorant. People might turn away from us, or stop talking to us because they are uncomfortable, offended or grossed out. Some may talk about us to the other party goers. A few may bravely whisper in our ear, and help us avoid further embarrassment.

Once we become aware of the food in our teeth, we would likely hurry to the nearest bathroom, and look into a mirror to examine our teeth.

I was thinking about how this situation is similar to us recognizing our own sin. Or perhaps, our failure to recognize our own sin. We all have sins that we seem unable (unwilling) to see, and yet are on display for all the world to notice. We fail to recognize these sins perhaps because we have hardened our hearts to them, or have excused them as personality traits, or simply bad habits.

Hopefully, we all have friends that would quietly confront the issue with love, rather than walk away and leave us in our current condition. One that would love us enough to overcome their fear of confrontation, talk to us privately, and point us back to Christ in repentance. Matthew 18:15 tells us to do just that.

God's moral laws, the Ten Commandments, act like a mirror for each of us. We look into that mirror, seeing the perfection and holiness of Christ reflected back to us. The mirror shows us our sinfulness; just as the bathroom mirror exposes the specks of food in our teeth.

James 1:23-25 warns us not to just glance into the mirror, then turn, walk away, and promptly forget what we look like. In the same way we would not leave the food in our teeth, and just walk back out of the restroom, and continue to mingle. We need to deal with the problem.

Unlike getting parsley out of our incisors, we cannot simply get all the sin out of our lives. The mirror simply reveals the truth that we all fall far short of God's holy standards. We cannot just "fix" ourselves. However, our good deeds don't earn favor or status in God's kingdom, the way perhaps, a clean smile earns friends at a party.

This quote I just read in the book, The Imperfect Disciple by Jared Wilson, seems to explain this concept fairly well:

"You are more sinful than you realize, but you are also more loved than you know." 

We are hopelessly sinful. The bad news is that we can never be good enough to get to heaven, or earn God's love. The good news is that God so loved the world that He sent his son to die for our sins. God offers us that free gift of grace, through faith in Christ, to all who believe and repent of their sins.

Jesus took our place. He paid the penalty (took our punishment). When we trust in Him alone for our salvation, God sees Christ's perfect reflection when He looks at us, instead of our sinfulness. This is why it is called the "good news". That is what is so amazing about grace, that it is none of us, and all Jesus Christ. (John 3:16; Galatians 3:13-15, 24-26; Romans 5:8, 3:23-25)

Hopefully you have checked the mirror, and don't have anything in your teeth! More importantly, I pray we all look into God's Word, compare ourselves to that standard, and find that we are all lacking. I pray that drives you to Christ, seeking His forgiveness, and placing your trust in him alone.

Until Next Time~
Shari

P.S. The Imperfect Disciple: Grace for People Who Can't Get Their Act Together by Jared C. Wilson, is a wonderful book full of grace for those of us who struggle to see past our sins, and a beautiful reminder of Christ's finished work.

Dark Circles

Have you ever had that feeling like you are about to pass out? Dark circles envelop your vision, blackness closing in. This seems like a decent analogy of my life currently. Darkness seems overwhelming at times, closing in from every side. I feel like I might "pass out" as I lose the light in my vision. The last several years have been difficult (that might be putting it mildly), but this past year has definitely hit an all time low. My health has continued to decline and the accompanying chronic pain has been overwhelming. Medical treatments and side effects are exhausting. I have spent a LOT of time sitting with a heating pad or ice pack, and zoning out in front of a screen. I haven't done much art, or cleaning, or even leaving the house. I have missed a lot of Sunday morning worship services. Due to my accessibility needs, we switched churches in December of 2017, which combined with my recent spotty attendance record, has made it difficult for me to feel connected. I have lost friends, been unable to do things I love, and gained weight. Any one of these things would be enough to deal with, but all together, I feel alone and surround with darkness.

Disability and suffering are often isolating. When I do go out, I put on a smile, and try not to turn every conversation into a gripe fest of how bad I feel. So instead, I try to love others and ask about their lives. Listening is one of the first things I have learned this past year. As I have spent more and more time alone, stuck in the house, and wishing for someone to talk to, I have learned how valuable a listening ear is! In today's electronic world, it is a rarity to find someone that stops, makes eye contact, and actually pays attention. I am SO very thankful for those friends I have that are willing to do this, and hope I can do the same for others.

I have also learned some things (of the not so pleasant variety) about myself. I have put too much worth on friendships, letting hurt creep in when those relationships fell apart. I am reminded of my own words about managing my expectations of others. In truth, I should be seeking Christ. Wanting a deeper fellowship with Him. Going to Him in prayer, and with my concerns, worries, and pain. Not that friends aren't deeply valued! A good friend is a rare jewel. They can rebuke and encourage us. They help carry our burdens. But we must also remember they are sinful humans, just like us. Christ alone is the "friend that sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24), and to Him alone should we look to truly fulfill that need for acceptance and love.

Besides feeling super crummy, gaining back a lot of the weight I lost back in 2013-2014 has added to my frustration and encroaching depression. This issue has also got me thinking about my beliefs on weight, self image, and food. Yes, I do feel worse when my clothes don't fit. My blood pressure is high again, so there is a real health concern, but if we get down to the brass tacks, I want to be thin to "look good." Our culture pushes this agenda, and I have bought in hook, line, and sinker!

I have been going through the book Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick again, and there are plenty of idols coming out of my little "idol making factory" as John Calvin describes our hearts. One more lesson to be learned in all of this darkness.

We want what we want. What we shouldn't have for reasons perhaps unknown to us. We desire that which we think will make us happy: friends, thin bodies, perfect health, no pain, etc. The list goes on and on seemingly forever. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to bear up under the weight of all these things. The dark circle surround us, and just like my analogy about the feeling of passing out, just about the time we think our entire vision is going to go black, and we will most definitely pass out, a tiny light in the center of our vision starts to shines through. Slowly, the center light grows, and chases back the black circle that had threatened to overtake us.

In those moments, I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 4:8-9

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; 

perplexed, but not driven to despair; 

persecuted, but not forsaken; 

struck down, but not destroyed"

This is where my hope is found, in Christ, the Light of the World. Just when I think I can't take any more, as I lie alone begging for mercy, wondering if the pain will ever end, asking Him if He is listening, if He even cares, that small dot of light emerges in the distance. As I begin to focus on it, it grows larger and brighter. That is not because God finally showed up, or decided to intervene, but simply because I wasn't focused on the light. I began to focus on the overwhelming blackness. I started to believe He doesn't care, or isn't listening. I begin to believe it will never end. I start to focus on my symptoms and circumstances, and lose sight of my Savior, and His truth. But then, I hear God's still small voice prompting me to remember what is true. God tells us many places in His Word that He will not leave us or forsake us. That is the truth. God never left me, his Light was there all along, I just chose to focus on the darkness. I missed His tender mercy in a card from a faithful friend, because I was thinking instead of the friends I lost. I failed to see the simple joy God brought to my days by way of a little 12-lb dog, and looked only to my feelings of loneliness.

I am not trying to minimize the struggle. I am suffering. I am miserable. This is all very hard. I know you hurt too. I am simply trying to remind you (and myself) to stop focusing on the black circles closing in around us, and focus on the light instead. Keep your eyes fixed upon Christ! (Hebrews 12:2). Be grateful for the faithful friend, or that tiny rescue dog! That is how we give thanks to God in all circumstances, like Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18. We start to change our focus to God's blessings, and stop making the pain and disappointment the center of our world. We aren't thankful for the pain and suffering, but we can be thankful to God, even on the worst of days, for His loving care. 

I am thankful that God has been gently revealing the sin in my heart, and for His forgiveness. I am thankful that I am learning to trust Him more, even on those days when I cry out like the child's father did in Mark 9, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief!" Remember to give thanks for His Son, the Savior of our souls, who also knew the pain of suffering and isolation. The One who suffered all of that in our place. 

We used to joke that the light at the end of the tunnel was a train, and some days it still feels like that! I pray we can all look down that tunnel of blackness, and see a small light in the distance, and then draw near to that Light! Keep searching and clinging to the One who preserves our souls, and I know the darkness will fade, even if the suffering continues. That is the truth for all who are in Christ Jesus! Will you choose to cling to the Light, or continue in the darkness?

Until Next Time~

Shari

I Was Only Trying To Help

We all know the feeling we have when a dear friend, or beloved family member is hurting, sick, depressed, or grieving. We feel helpless. We want to do something to help. In some ways, we need to do somethings tangible to feel useful, and let them know we love them. I understand this need. I am a "fixer" of problems. A trait perhaps most often considered a "man thing" to do. Over the years, I have learned to become a better listener, without listing out the steps to fix the problem (as I see it). I still find this difficult at times, as my mind works in a logical and sequential manner. I enjoy solving puzzles. When I hear a hurting friend say they are struggling, or they have a problem, I immediately think "well, let's fix the problem, then you can be happier, and in turn that makes me feel good to be useful."

I also have had moments when I am sharing my struggles with someone, and they pounce on me with a list things I can do to fix the problem. Over the years, people have bought me vitamins and supplements (or try to sell their brand to me). Given me medical or cook books. Sent me a mile high stack of articles and emails regarding treatment ideas or research. I am also learning something being on the other side of the "fixer." I am learning grace. To be very honest, my first response is irritation at times. I question why people would think I have not considered any of the options they are suggesting. I am a researcher by nature, and have read books, articles, blog posts, and many medical journals looking for answers over the years. I do eat a diet I feel is healthy for me. Perhaps the worst is my response to my several friends who sell the products they believe in, and have worked for them, when I think "No I don't want to buy product x, or I would have bought it." I feel guilty when people spend money to buy books and supplements, when I know that I will likely toss them. I have learned that people need to feel useful and they show love by trying to help fix the problem, just like I am guilty of doing.

One of the problems with being a "fixer" is that it is a way to make ourselves feel better. We feel the need to help, so we do, but in a way we think might be helpful instead of finding out what would actually be helpful to the individual suffering. I have come to understand that feeling of helplessness. I know that I have so many wonderful friends who care, and truly want to help me. They hurt because I hurt. I have to be gracious in my response to their offer of help, and hopefully they will be gracious in return if I seem to not take their advice. (Let me just take a minute here to ask forgiveness to those I have turned away with an unkind word. I am sorry. I am learning to think before I speak, but I am a sinner. I love you all, and would not want to hurt you, and I know you have a concern for me at the root of your offer.)

You all know how I love an analogy, although sometimes I have trouble thinking of a truly effective image, but I am going to try! I am sure you have been in a grocery store when you realize you are in the way of another shopper. You swerve to be considerate, thinking you will give preference to the other person, and patiently wait. But then, just as you swerve, so does the other shopper! You are both trying to do the "right" thing by helping the other person, but in the process you both have gotten in each other's way again! I have had this happen numerous times, and occasionally we have both then corrected our swerves and again ended up in the way. This situation is uncomfortable, and frequently ends in a nervous smile and one person saying "you go ahead, I won't move."

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to help someone else, but perhaps we should take a minute to listen and identify how we can really be of use. For me, I would prefer someone just say "how can I help?" If I need a ride, or someone to grab a prescription, or mail a package for me, I will ask those whom have offered to help in the ways I need. Some people may not have a tangible way that they need help, maybe a kind word or card, and a listening ear without judgment, is the best "fix" you can give them. Prayer is always a wonderful gift! When we serve others the way they want to be served, instead of in the way we want to serve them, we avoid the nervous smile. We walk together, instead of one of us stepping aside, and telling the other one to go ahead and pass by.

Hopefully, you understand that I am not upset with anyone, I am just trying to say that we could all do a better job of helping the hurting in a way they want/need to be helped, instead of a way that we think will solve the problem. The truth is there are not many things I haven't tried (at least for a time) and the only thing remotely useful thus far has been dietary changes. I lost weight, lowered my cholesterol and blood pressure, but I also continued to worsen with the neurological disease, so clearly it is not a cure-all. I am thankful that your aunt's neighbor, or your cousin's best friend tried a certain diet/vitamin/doctor and got much better. I really am glad to hear that, but I also know that all our bodies are very different, our diagnoses are not the same, and a "one size fits all" approach does not work. When people ask about my dietary changes I tell them, but I do say "it worked for me, but I doubt it will work for everyone." This may be a whole different post, but just the fact they call it "practicing medicine" gives us a glimpse into the difficulty of how different people's bodies respond differently to the same health issue. This is why you can have many people with a herniated disc, and have them all have different outcomes. One gets better, or maybe never has any pain. One needs some therapy, a steroid injection and takes a few months to feel better. Another may need surgery or may be permanently disabled. Doctors tell me half the population would have a herniated disc show up on an MRI, but most never know it because they feel no pain! I am sure you can begin to see the difficulties with treating every person with the same plan!

At the end of the day, hopefully we can all learn to love less selfishly, pray more diligently, and extend grace more consistently, growing more and more each day to reflect Jesus in our lives. I love you all, and am so thankful for your prayers! 💜

Until Next Time~
Shari

Like It Really Matters

The internet has changed the world. Growing up, I still went to a library to research answers, talked on a phone with a cord, and the only games I played were done with a board (until I got an Atari). Recently I have really appreciated that I can sit on my couch and schedule appointments, order food, research anything, and keep in touch with distant friends and family. This is particularly of interest to me because of my disability. I have mentioned plenty of times how living with a disability can be isolating. It also makes getting out and about more difficult. If going to a library to research an answer was still the only way to get information, I am afraid many of my interests would just not be investigated further.

The internet has a lot of great attributes. Besides the things listed above, we have instant access to world wide news, endless music, and how-to videos. It has done many good things, but it also can make it too easy to stay isolated. It is less personal in a lot of ways. It is nothing like real life fellowship, and is a poor substitute for a visit with friends. We have gotten so use to using the internet for everything, that we rarely question what we read. Now fake news spreads like wild fire. We read, click share, and believe things, without ever doing our own research. This internet complacency is obviously not good, and sometimes I fear what our world will look like in a couple decades of social isolation and fake news!

This whole post arose out of this photo that popped up on my FB page a this morning-

Another thing the internet, and social media in particular, has done is entice us to seek approval. We constantly check our phones afraid we might miss something. It is easy for the internet to make us a bit neurotic. We post and watch to see if there will be likes and comments. Viral posts and videos are like striking gold in our society today. Attention-seeking and people-pleasing feed our desire to be "liked." We have a tendency to become self-centered. We feel disappointment when our friends are taking their third vacation this year, and we aren't going anywhere....again.

Does it all matter? Does it matter if everyone likes our funny cat video, or our vacation photos? Should it matter? Of course it is easy to say no, it doesn't matter. We say, "I don't care what everyone else thinks." Then, we are privately disappointed. (Am I alone in this?) Part of the reason I share my struggles is because it appears to me while scrolling through my newsfeed that everyone else's life is perfect. Or at least it is easy to start thinking that way. 

"My husband got a raise" 

"My child won an award" 

"We just bought a new home" 

We see smiling family photos and happy stories. We begin to wonder why we can't get our acts together like everyone else. Rarely does someone post things like:

"I lost my job and have no money for food"

"My spouse cheated" or "I cheated"

"I yelled at my children today"

"I am hurting/struggling"

The internet and social media would have us to believe we are different. We are failures and everyone else is successful. Bitterness, sadness, shame begin to creep in to our hearts, as we compare ourselves with others.

We must be vigilant over our hearts. There is a war going on. Actually there are two wars. There is a war raging within us, one between the spiritual man and our sinful flesh. The other war is the spiritual battle that goes on in the heavenly realms for your very soul (Ephesians 6:12). The battle is real, and it has serious, life-threatening consequences!

As believers, we are called to be pleasers of God, and not people pleasers. We need to do and think what God would "like", what is pleasing to Him, and not do things hoping others will "like" it.  We live in a society that tells us that you are nothing if you don't have fans, followers, and likes, but we serve a God that calls us sons and daughters. We have been grafted in to His family vine. We are to be followers of Jesus Christ. We ought to live lives, like the apostle Paul, that allow us to say "Be imitators (followers) of me, as I am of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1) Those are the kind of people I want to follow, and the type of followers I want!

How do we overcome this societal pressure? It will be a daily battle. We must fight to keep our eyes fixed upon Christ. We must remember that we are in a battle, and not get complacent. If you are not a believer, not a follower of Christ, do not think that you are excluded from this battle. Your unbelief, and denials do not negate the FACT that this war is raging around you. Your soul is the prize. You have two choices: serve God or not. By not serving God, coming to Him in repentance and faith, you are serving your soul up on a silver platter to the enemy who "prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." (1 Peter 5:8) This enemy is Satan himself. Choose this day whom you will serve, for tomorrow is promised to no one (Joshua 24:15).

I will leave you with this; praying that you and I both would put on the whole armor of God, and open our mouths to proclaim boldly the mystery of the gospel.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel." Ephesians 6:10-19 (ESV)

Until Next Time~
Shari

Bloodlines

We just returned from southern Indiana and my family reunion. Let me start by saying that a drive that takes 5 hours without any stops (and trust me, we make LOTS of stops) was way harder physically than I expected, but I am so very thankful I made the trip! I got to see my father (been a few years), and aunts, uncles and cousins, some of whom I haven't seen in decades, and others I didn't even know I had!

One thing that struck me was that although we didn't really know a lot of the people, the common bloodline connected us in a way that made conversations easy and enjoyable. There were plenty of laughs, and hugs, and stories. This just has me thinking about family, and what that really means. You know I am getting more sentimental as I get older! :)

Sharing the same heritage connects us in a way that is difficult to explain. Have you ever stepped into an elevator full of strangers? I think we all know how quiet and uncomfortable that can be. When you are with relatives, that awkwardness seems to disappear. We feel a level of comfort that we don't have with strangers.

I also have learned that family relations can be difficult. We don't choose our family. This means that there will be people that you wouldn't necessarily choose to be friends with, but because they are family, you work to overlook their annoying habits, personality quirks, and other things that would normally drive you crazy. Family members can hurt you more deeply than strangers can too, because of the emotional connections we share.

Last night, I was thinking about the church. The Bible says that followers of Jesus Christ are adopted by God, making us brothers and sisters in Christ. When we walk into a Bible teaching church, filled with followers of Christ, there should be a level of comfort and connectedness like I felt at my family reunion. We share the same bloodline- that of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who shed His blood for us. Like our "birth" family, there can also be trying situations and difficult relationships with our church family members.

Unfortunately, families dissolve and fight. People get divorced, siblings argue and don't speak, and churches split apart. Why? That has been what I have been thinking about since this weekend. The most obvious answer to me is that we are all sinners. We can be selfish. We can set our expectation of others so high, that they can't possibly live up to them, and then we get disappointed and angry. Chad and I joke a lot about this actually. Long ago, God helped me to realize that the majority of our arguments were due to me expecting Chad to be and to do things he isn't capable of being and doing. In a lot of ways, I expected Chad to fill roles that only the Lord can. When God graciously revealed that my own selfishness was at the root of it, I set my expectations lower. I told Chad that I need him to work and provide, as God allows, and I will be content with that. I started to do all the things that I am capable of doing, and took my struggles to God in prayer. Very quickly I realized that I spend most of my days very content, and when Chad exceeded my expectations (which was easy to do when you just expect him to work), and he did something I wanted him too, I became grateful and told him so. Previously, I was just nagging constantly, and telling him he isn't doing enough. We fought a lot and it was damaging the intimacy that a married couple share.

So, what is the point of all of this? I guess I was thinking about what a great time I had this weekend catching up with relatives. I was also reminded of churches that I have been to that are unfriendly, and unwelcoming. It made me think that because of the shared bloodline- whether it is through your mother and father, or you are a believer connected through Christ's shed blood- we need to pray. Pray that we can be forgiving and that others will forgive us. Pray that we extend grace to others, and they will do the same. Pray that God would show us our own sinfulness before we dwell on the sins of others.

I will let you down. I will fail to do what I ought to do, and do things I shouldn't. I will upset you, say things I shouldn't and disappoint you. I hope that as family members, we can talk through our issues, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and offer grace and forgiveness. May we always be remembering that through Christ, God forgave us and has extended a large amount of grace to us, and we ought to do the same.

The older I get, the more important my family is to me, both the church family I see frequently, and the one of my heritage. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to help my family in need, and I pray for y'all. (For my southern girls!)

~Until next time,
Shari

The Carpenter's Wife

Most of you know that I happen to be married to a carpenter. Saying that he is a "carpenter" gives you just a slight idea of what he actually does each day since carpenters do a wide variety of work. Presently, Chad works doing concrete work. In the past, he had done a variety of carpentry tasks including: rough framing houses, remodeling, truss building, trim, decks, and the list goes on and on. The type of tools Chad needs to use depends on the type of work he is completing. Some times he needs a large, heavy hammer or perhaps even a sledge hammer, other times he uses small trim nails in a nail gun, and yet at other times he uses a saw. Each tool he uses creates a very different result, and serves a very different purpose. A skilled carpenter has the finesse to use each tool in the right way and the wisdom to know which tool he needs for the job. When the job is complete, he can stand back and look at the finished project and smile knowing it is a job well done.

We learn in the New Testament that Jesus was the son of a carpenter. Jesus would have learned this trade growing up in Joseph's home. As the ultimate Carpenter, Jesus applies His craft to change our hearts. Some days it can feel like we are being shaped by a sledge hammer, other times His still small voice gently guides us, softly smoothing off our rough edges with fine grain sandpaper. Every event, no matter how small, is lovingly brought into our life, by God, for His glory and our sanctification. The Bible calls us, who make up the church,  the bride of Christ. "....just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Each day I pray that this construction project, that is my life, might reveal a wonderful finished project. I am thankful to be able to trust my Savior knows best what circumstances I need brought in my life to whittle away my rough spots to help me increasingly become more and more like Him. I rest "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6) Today I have peace knowing that I am THE Carpenter's wife.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness?

God is the giver and sustainer of all life, and as Christians we enjoy liberty or freedom in Christ. But, are we to pursue happiness? Our pastor always says, “God is more concerned with our holiness than our happiness.”

A quick search of the words ‘happy’ or ‘happiness’ in the NKJV Bible produces just 24 results, whereas searching ‘holy’ or ‘holiness’ produces 610 results. Scriptures have much to say on God’s holiness, but the Bible also call us to “be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, ‘be holy, for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:15).

It is so easy to focus on being "happy." We buy this or that to fill some void and think it will make us happy, we can't wait until we are married because then we will be happy, or when we have kids, or when they move out, etc. Our constant striving to find this elusive happiness leads to discontentment. It also causes us to miss out of the joy and blessings we have today, because we are looking toward tomorrow.

We should be focused on Christ and His word and pursuing holiness with the same zeal we strive to find happiness. As we come to know Him more fully we find true, lasting, joy and not a passing feeling of happiness.

Are you striving toward holiness or always chasing elusive happiness?