Managing Expectations

If you have been around Chad or me very much at all, I am sure you have heard our thoughts on expectations. When my doctor told me that I really needed to contact Mayo Clinic for an appointment, "expectations" were on my mind. Initially, I wanted to be careful and not expect that Mayo would take my case. I didn't want to be disappointed. I tried once a couple years ago, and they did not offer me an appointment.

This time, as it turns out, the neurology department did offer me an appointment for August 1st. So it appears that Rochester, MN will be our vacation spot this year. Now that I know I am traveling to Mayo, I still have to be very careful about my expectations. My doctor thinks that if anyone has seen another patient with these symptoms, it will be the doctors at Mayo Clinic. She feels that even if there isn't a name for this disease, they may at least be able to offer advice on prognosis or a better course of treatment, that could perhaps ease my suffering.

Trust me, that sounds wonderful! I have had several very difficult months. The pain has gotten much worse. My current plan has basically been to just survive each day, try and get some sleep, then wake up and do it all over again. The truth is, I am not particularly hopeful that Mayo will offer much insight, but I can feel myself wanting to believe it to be true. This is why I started thinking of expectations. We always tell people that managing your expectations is the key to a happy marriage (or even a happy life). I joke that the only thing I expect Chad to do is bring home a paycheck, so anything over and above that is just icing on the cake! If you set the bar low enough, he is bound to surpass it, and look like a rock star! haha :)

I am convinced that unmet expectations can quickly become anger, bitterness, and depression. We place expectations on ourselves, our spouses, children and friends, whether we realize it or not. It may not be a conscious thought. It might be a very small expectation. We can expect our husband to notice we need milk, and expect him to stop on the way home to buy some. We expect our children to get good grades or keep their rooms clean. We expect our friends to call us and check how we are doing.

Now, none of these things is particularly difficult to accomplish. Problems arise when we start thinking that someone else will do something, and then they don't do it. We can quickly start to feel angry, bitter, resentful, sad, or one of numerous other negative emotions. Often times, the other person is completely unaware that you wanted them to do something. They may have no clue that they let you down. In fact, we tend to treat others as mind-readers. ("I shouldn't have to tell them, they should just know.") Over time, all these little unmet expectations can break apart marriages, damage friendships, and destroy parent-child relationships. We can start to feel like nothing ever goes our way, and become very unhappy.

Chad and I joke about this, but the truth is that many years ago we learned to start managing our expectations for each other. There are certain things that are non-negotiable (ex. being faithful to each other), but mostly we have learned to ask when we need something, and tell each other when it is something we really need the other person to do. We let a lot of things go, and don't look to the other person to make us happy. The truth is, Chad does not complete me. Although we do quote that line from Jerry Mcguire, it is unfair to expect another person to "complete you."

Managing our expectations is really about realizing that we are sinners. We will disappoint others. We will do what we shouldn't, and fail to do what we should. We will let others down. This is not an excuse not to try, but just an honest evaluation of ourselves and others. We should try to focus on loving others, taking care of our own needs the best that we can, and being honest with each other when we need help. Then we can start moving more in the direction of contentment, and move further away from anger and bitterness. Don't get me wrong, this isn't easy. It is contrary to our nature, and requires diligence.

Even as I type this post, I can quickly start to think of how great everything would be if they had a cure for me at Mayo. If I go there expecting a life without pain or disease, I will come home very depressed indeed! If I can keep my expectations to a minimum (ex. the doctors will do their best to offer me some answers), I am less likely to be devastated on the return trip.

My greatest realization is that no one, not even my Creator, promised me a life of ease. I do not deserve the best of everything. I do not deserve riches, or fame, or happiness. The Bible teaches us just the opposite. As a believer in Jesus Christ, (one who has acknowledged my sin, knows my need of a Savior, and my inability to do anything worthy of earning my salvation) I am promised eternal life with God, but I am also promised hardship, persecution, trials, tribulations, and testing of my faith.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." ~James 1:3

If I fail to repent of my sins, fail to trust in Christ alone for salvation, I am promised only eternal wrath. When I know that what all my thoughts, words, and deeds really deserve (apart from Christ) is hell, then anything I enjoy here on earth is just icing on the ultimate cake.

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

With expectations of seeing my Savior face-to-face one day, running into His arms, and leaving this body, world, and these troubles behind, I know that I will not be disappointed! Knowing and trusting all of this, I can get through these trials, one day at a time, with contentment.

I pray that Mayo Clinic will be able to help me in some way, but at the end of the day, my hope is not found in Mayo, it is found in my Savior, Jesus Christ alone. So, I will travel to Minnesota with Chad and expect only to have a few days away from home, see some things we have never seen, and perhaps learn something new along the way. That doesn't sound disappointing at all! <3

I am sure that with the long road trip, several days of appointments and tests, and most likely less sleep than normal, my days will be filled with pain. Your prayers would be very much appreciated! Pray for strength and that I will manage my expectations, and not come home disappointed.

Until Next Time~
Shari