Choose Your Own Ending

 When you were a kid, did you ever read a "choose your own ending" adventure book? I have fond memories of reading books like that, and my super organized personality (yes, even back then) made me go through the book many times to combine every possible story telling option. It was fun to see all the different ways a story could progress if just one choice had been changed. Unfortunately, our lives are not like that. We don't get to go back in time and choose a different pathway to see if it leads to a better outcome. 

My breast cancer journey began almost 6 months ago now. There have been a lot of twists and turns, and choices I have had to make. Currently we have decided that I cannot tolerate any of the three available aromatase inhibitors, so I will start the fourth and final medication on Monday. It is a different type of drug, and works differently, so hopefully I can tolerate the tamoxifen, and it does what it is supposed to: prevent cancer recurrence.

Chad and I joke sometimes about doctors and the term "practicing medicine" as it does seem like they are all still practicing! I have met with an oncologist, surgeon, radiologist, and each of them has a physician assistant, so there have been 6 different medical professionals handling my case. You would think that a multitude would be good (and it very well might be) but it has also caused some confusion. One doctor says "the cancer is gone" and the next says they will order a test to be sure "the cancer hasn't spread". One tells me the medication is essential if I want to not have the cancer return, and another says they tend to over-medicate and my risk is low.  How is one supposed to navigate a system where even the educated medical professionals can't seem to agree?

I wish I could approach this like a choose your own ending book, and see which choices make the best outcomes, but that simply isn't reality. Instead, I spend a LOT of time researching on my own, talking to all 6 of my health care team members, discussing it with my family, and then I pick a path forward. I do not know where the path leads. I do not know what the foreseeable future holds.

One thing I do know is that ultimately my future is secure, entirely anchored in Christ (who He is and what He has already done) and not dependent upon my choices or the strength/health of my body. I make the best choices I can and move forward one day at a time.

1 Peter 1:3-9 (esv)

"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I would appreciate your prayers as I begin the new medication and continue to make difficult decisions. May God graciously provide me with many more years, but I fully trust whatever my God ordains is right! 💜

Until Next Time~

Shari