Thank you all so much for your prayers. I was able to see my MRI report and will return to the doctor on January 2nd to see what is next for me. The MRI shows one new, mildly bulging disc. It shows more degenerative changes to the two other herniated discs with bone spur growth, which are pressing on the nerves causing my arm numbness.
So, what does all this mean? Thankfully it means that my upper body is not affected by the newest neurological disease. However, it does mean that the Undifferentiated Spondyloarthropathy, that I was first diagnosed with in 1998, is causing continued degeneration. This causes me a lot of pain, and is now making my arms/hands numb. This can be treated with medications, physical therapy, and surgery, but is also an autoimmune disease that is not "curable."
Please pray that the doctors and I would have wisdom as to the best course of action. Please pray for pain relief. In addition, I will see the cardiologist on December 29th, because of continued abnormal heart beats. Hopefully the next two weeks will provide a few options that can help.
Merry Christmas everyone!!
Until Next Time
~Shari
Saturday, December 23, 2017
Friday, December 8, 2017
Like It Really Matters
The internet has changed the world. Growing up, I still went to a library to research answers, talked on a phone with a cord, and the only games I played were done with a board (until I got an Atari). Recently I have really appreciated that I can sit on my couch and schedule appointments, order food, research anything, and keep in touch with distant friends and family. This is particularly of interest to me because of my disability. I have mentioned plenty of times how living with a disability can be isolating. It also makes getting out and about more difficult. If going to a library to research an answer was still the only way to get information, I am afraid many of my interests would just not be investigated further.
The internet has a lot of great attributes. Besides the things listed above, we have instant access to world wide news, endless music, and how-to videos. It has done many good things, but it also can make it too easy to stay isolated. It is less personal in a lot of ways. It is nothing like real life fellowship, and is a poor substitute for a visit with friends. We have gotten so use to using the internet for everything, that we rarely question what we read. Now fake news spreads like wild fire. We read, click share, and believe things, without ever doing our own research. This internet complacency is obviously not good, and sometimes I fear what our world will look like in a couple decades of social isolation and fake news!
This whole post arose out of this photo that popped up on my FB page a this morning-
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel." Ephesians 6:10-19 (ESV)
Until Next Time~
Shari
The internet has a lot of great attributes. Besides the things listed above, we have instant access to world wide news, endless music, and how-to videos. It has done many good things, but it also can make it too easy to stay isolated. It is less personal in a lot of ways. It is nothing like real life fellowship, and is a poor substitute for a visit with friends. We have gotten so use to using the internet for everything, that we rarely question what we read. Now fake news spreads like wild fire. We read, click share, and believe things, without ever doing our own research. This internet complacency is obviously not good, and sometimes I fear what our world will look like in a couple decades of social isolation and fake news!
This whole post arose out of this photo that popped up on my FB page a this morning-
Another thing the internet, and social media in particular, has done is entice us to seek approval. We constantly check our phones afraid we might miss something. It is easy for the internet to make us a bit neurotic. We post and watch to see if there will be likes and comments. Viral posts and videos are like striking gold in our society today. Attention-seeking and people-pleasing feed our desire to be "liked." We have a tendency to become self-centered. We feel disappointment when our friends are taking their third vacation this year, and we aren't going anywhere....again.
Does it all matter? Does it matter if everyone likes our funny cat video, or our vacation photos? Should it matter? Of course it is easy to say no, it doesn't matter. We say, "I don't care what everyone else thinks." Then, we are privately disappointed. (Am I alone in this?) Part of the reason I share my struggles is because it appears to me while scrolling through my newsfeed that everyone else's life is perfect. Or at least it is easy to start thinking that way.
"My husband got a raise"
"My child won an award"
"We just bought a new home"
We see smiling family photos and happy stories. We begin to wonder why we can't get our acts together like everyone else. Rarely does someone post things like:
"I lost my job and have no money for food"
"My spouse cheated" or "I cheated"
"I yelled at my children today"
"I am hurting/struggling"
The internet and social media would have us to believe we are different. We are failures and everyone else is successful. Bitterness, sadness, shame begin to creep in to our hearts, as we compare ourselves with others.
We must be vigilant over our hearts. There is a war going on. Actually there are two wars. There is a war raging within us, one between the spiritual man and our sinful flesh. The other war is the spiritual battle that goes on in the heavenly realms for your very soul (Ephesians 6:12). The battle is real, and it has serious, life-threatening consequences!
As believers, we are called to be pleasers of God, and not people pleasers. We need to do and think what God would "like", what is pleasing to Him, and not do things hoping others will "like" it. We live in a society that tells us that you are nothing if you don't have fans, followers, and likes, but we serve a God that calls us sons and daughters. We have been grafted in to His family vine. We are to be followers of Jesus Christ. We ought to live lives, like the apostle Paul, that allow us to say "Be imitators (followers) of me, as I am of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1) Those are the kind of people I want to follow, and the type of followers I want!
How do we overcome this societal pressure? It will be a daily battle. We must fight to keep our eyes fixed upon Christ. We must remember that we are in a battle, and not get complacent. If you are not a believer, not a follower of Christ, do not think that you are excluded from this battle. Your unbelief, and denials do not negate the FACT that this war is raging around you. Your soul is the prize. You have two choices: serve God or not. By not serving God, coming to Him in repentance and faith, you are serving your soul up on a silver platter to the enemy who "prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." (1 Peter 5:8) This enemy is Satan himself. Choose this day whom you will serve, for tomorrow is promised to no one (Joshua 24:15).
I will leave you with this; praying that you and I both would put on the whole armor of God, and open our mouths to proclaim boldly the mystery of the gospel.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel." Ephesians 6:10-19 (ESV)
Shari
Thursday, December 7, 2017
The Saga, I Mean, Journey Continues
It has been a particularly difficult couple of months as I mentioned in my last post. I saw the neuro-oncologist on Tuesday, and I decided I needed to ask for prayer. I know many of you pray for me regularly, and I am thankful! I think knowing exactly what to pray for can make it easier to remember.
So here is the update in a nutshell. First, the recent increase in neck pain has been accompanied by arm/hand numbness, and weakness (this is both noticeable to me, but also measured on the doc's grip squeeze test thing-a-ma-bob). He has ordered a cervical MRI which is scheduled for Sunday, December 17th. The options are likely either:
Please pray for it to be a herniation that can be dealt with non-surgically. Pray for less pain. Pray for God's will, and me to be fully accepting, trusting and for continued strength.
Next, I have developed another blood clot, now in a finger of my right hand. Several months ago, they removed one from a finger on my left hand. Surprise, surprise, the doctor said this is very rare, especially to have two so close together in time. They normally only see this type of blood clot in people like mechanics who would "bang their hands a lot." He feels that these smaller issues are likely all related somehow to the mystery underlying disease, and "we (meaning doctors) just are smart enough to put all the pieces together yet." I have an appointment with the hand surgeon on next Monday. Please pray this surgery goes well again. While this is a bit painful when I bump my lump, it is mostly just an annoyance, that will now require another surgery. Sigh...
I covet your prayers. This all makes me think of the current book study I am doing with a friend, "The Envy of Eve" by Melissa Kruger. If you are looking for a well written book, that has good questions at the end of each chapter, and want to really expose your sinful heart, I highly recommend this painful little gem!
We have just finished chapter 2. The author tackles the subject of coveting, and explains that we all have desires. The dictionary says that coveting = desires (like when I say "I covet your prayers"). The author makes clear that coveting is not simply having a desire. She defines coveting as "an inordinate or culpable desire to possess, often that which belongs to another."
We can desire wrong things (things clearly prohibited in Scripture), and can also desire good things (like a spouse, or children, or good health), but sometimes for wrong reasons. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be healthy, or be married or have children. In fact, I think that the Bible would call making wise lifestyle choices, marriage and children all "good."
As we covet, we become less thankful and more disappointed. The book continues to explain that the root of coveting is unbelief. Wanting to be pain free and healthy implies that I cannot be happy or fulfilled without those things. Even the way the doctors describe wanting to "improve my quality of life" tempts me to believe that my life isn't as good as it could be, and I covet.
When I want to be well so much that I forget to be thankful for all that God has done, I covet.
When good health and the ability to walk freely starts to make me compare myself to others (think that they don't appreciate or take for granted their health, and think that I deserve what they have), I covet.
Worse yet, at the heart of all that sin is the fact that I am saying to God, 'Christ alone is not enough.' Coveting says I need Christ plus one thing (or perhaps multiple things). It says that I don't trust God enough. I bear poor witness to those who don't believe, that God alone isn't enough.
I forget that He alone has chosen this path for my good and His glory. I forget that He formed me in my mother's womb, and He alone knows what's best for me. When I covet good health (or anything else), I forget that God sent His own son to die in my place, and He has redeemed me, and THAT is enough! I need to trust Him fully, look to Him alone for strength, and be thankful for His salvation.
It is so easy for our sinful hearts to want what we desire so badly, that we fail to stop and think what those actions say to God. So, I cry Lord "I believe; help my unbelief!" as the boy's father did in Mark 9:24. I know that God has heard my cries. I know He cares for me, and that I can trust Him. I know that Christ has provided a way of redemption for those who believe and repent, and that there is nothing this world can add to that. Nothing compares to His free gift, His sacrifice. Nothing. Not even good health. Please pray I would not covet good health.
Is there something you are coveting? Believe Christ Alone is enough to save us and meet all our needs. Repent today and turn to God in faith.
Until Next Time~
Shari
So here is the update in a nutshell. First, the recent increase in neck pain has been accompanied by arm/hand numbness, and weakness (this is both noticeable to me, but also measured on the doc's grip squeeze test thing-a-ma-bob). He has ordered a cervical MRI which is scheduled for Sunday, December 17th. The options are likely either:
- One of my herniations has worsened. If a herniation is bad enough surgery will be considered, but because I have started developing an excessive amount of scar tissue after operations, this will be a last resort only in the event of a serious herniation that is compromising the spinal cord that would have disastrous long term effects. Anything less serious than that will require more physical therapy, more injections, and likely just more pain to deal with.
- Or the even worse option is that the autoimmune neuropathy has spread to the peripheral nerves in my upper body now also.
Please pray for it to be a herniation that can be dealt with non-surgically. Pray for less pain. Pray for God's will, and me to be fully accepting, trusting and for continued strength.
Next, I have developed another blood clot, now in a finger of my right hand. Several months ago, they removed one from a finger on my left hand. Surprise, surprise, the doctor said this is very rare, especially to have two so close together in time. They normally only see this type of blood clot in people like mechanics who would "bang their hands a lot." He feels that these smaller issues are likely all related somehow to the mystery underlying disease, and "we (meaning doctors) just are smart enough to put all the pieces together yet." I have an appointment with the hand surgeon on next Monday. Please pray this surgery goes well again. While this is a bit painful when I bump my lump, it is mostly just an annoyance, that will now require another surgery. Sigh...
I covet your prayers. This all makes me think of the current book study I am doing with a friend, "The Envy of Eve" by Melissa Kruger. If you are looking for a well written book, that has good questions at the end of each chapter, and want to really expose your sinful heart, I highly recommend this painful little gem!
We have just finished chapter 2. The author tackles the subject of coveting, and explains that we all have desires. The dictionary says that coveting = desires (like when I say "I covet your prayers"). The author makes clear that coveting is not simply having a desire. She defines coveting as "an inordinate or culpable desire to possess, often that which belongs to another."
We can desire wrong things (things clearly prohibited in Scripture), and can also desire good things (like a spouse, or children, or good health), but sometimes for wrong reasons. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be healthy, or be married or have children. In fact, I think that the Bible would call making wise lifestyle choices, marriage and children all "good."
As we covet, we become less thankful and more disappointed. The book continues to explain that the root of coveting is unbelief. Wanting to be pain free and healthy implies that I cannot be happy or fulfilled without those things. Even the way the doctors describe wanting to "improve my quality of life" tempts me to believe that my life isn't as good as it could be, and I covet.
When I want to be well so much that I forget to be thankful for all that God has done, I covet.
When good health and the ability to walk freely starts to make me compare myself to others (think that they don't appreciate or take for granted their health, and think that I deserve what they have), I covet.
Worse yet, at the heart of all that sin is the fact that I am saying to God, 'Christ alone is not enough.' Coveting says I need Christ plus one thing (or perhaps multiple things). It says that I don't trust God enough. I bear poor witness to those who don't believe, that God alone isn't enough.
I forget that He alone has chosen this path for my good and His glory. I forget that He formed me in my mother's womb, and He alone knows what's best for me. When I covet good health (or anything else), I forget that God sent His own son to die in my place, and He has redeemed me, and THAT is enough! I need to trust Him fully, look to Him alone for strength, and be thankful for His salvation.
It is so easy for our sinful hearts to want what we desire so badly, that we fail to stop and think what those actions say to God. So, I cry Lord "I believe; help my unbelief!" as the boy's father did in Mark 9:24. I know that God has heard my cries. I know He cares for me, and that I can trust Him. I know that Christ has provided a way of redemption for those who believe and repent, and that there is nothing this world can add to that. Nothing compares to His free gift, His sacrifice. Nothing. Not even good health. Please pray I would not covet good health.
Is there something you are coveting? Believe Christ Alone is enough to save us and meet all our needs. Repent today and turn to God in faith.
Until Next Time~
Shari
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