I Used To Love Lemonade

I used to love lemonade. When I gave up sugar and grains a few years ago, it was one of the things I missed most. I am sure you know the old saying, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade." It seems lately I have been handed more lemons than I know what to do with, and I don't drink lemonade, so what's a girl to do?

Pain levels lately (mostly from my neck pain) have been very high. I have been managing that pain with lots of different medications. It feels like I am just spending my days trying to survive the pain-filled day, only to go to bed, wake up and start all over again. On top of the increased pain level, I have had constant muscle twitching, with frequent spasms in my legs. The short days and restless sleep bring increased fatigue. This past two weeks has also brought a cold, UTI, and almost daily headaches (a few actual migraines).

So what is a girl to do with a 20-lb sack of lemons? I just slice them up, and use them one at a time. (They taste great in water or tea!) One day at a time. One "lemon" at a time. That is how I am dealing with this all right now. Thinking about how I am going to feel in 10 years if this continues, overwhelms me, but thinking about right now, this minute, I am doing it. I am surviving it. People frequently tell me they could never handle all this, or that I am such a strong person to keep going, but the truth is that there is nothing special about me.

I deal with it the same way you all would. I manage one day at a time. Sometimes, just one minute at a time. I do often want to give up, but really what does that look like? Life still goes on around me. I still have to shower, get dressed, and eat at a bare minimum. I need to take care of some basic things around my house. I have a family, and although they are older and self-sufficient, I like to think they still need me. :)

I can't really "give up" even when I though I some times want to. I don't have a choice to quit. I can't make myself well. I can't just stop the train and get off. So, I press on. My choice is to remember all that God has graciously provided for me, including the medicines that make the pain more bearable, and be thankful each night that I manage to make it through another day. The only other choice is to become bitter, like the lemons, and miss out on enjoying this life I have been given.

Dealing with all of this has definitely slowed me down. I can't just rush through life too busy to stop and smell the roses. Not just because I choose to, but because it is honestly not physically possible to rush around anymore. So, I try to gather all the "lemons", slice them up, and eat them one wedge at a time. I try to enjoy that they flavor my life, and not let them make me bitter. I cling to God, and His promises, and try to enjoy my slower-paced life, and extended periods of alone time that can be used in sweet communion with great friends, a loving family, and a righteous Savior, who laid His life down for mine.

I know that every thing I experience has been filtered through my Lord's loving hands, to produce good fruit in my life, to remind me to appreciate those people He has placed in my life, and to be thankful each morning that I have another day in which to slice lemons.

Until next time~
Shari