Sunday, December 6, 2015

When Grey Skies Hide the Silver Lining

After two months of testing and various appointments to try and determine what is causing an increase in my neurological symptoms, I have few answers. This is pretty much par for the course for me, as I seem to defy medical textbooks! I won't bore you with all the details but I have an autoimmune inflammatory polyradiculopathy. It seems to be progressing (faster than I would like for sure!) and includes numbness and weakness in both of my legs, from the hips down. Both muscle and nerve testing has come back showing demyelination of the nerves and atrophying of the muscles. Doctors are unsure of the prognosis, as they don't have a specific diagnosis.

I started two different medicines this past week, and as usual, I developed every side effect on the list. This has made my week very miserable, and made me in need of much prayer! It is hard to choose between taking medicines that can reduce my quality of life today, and possibly cause serious long term effects OR not taking them and seeing what course the disease takes. It makes me think a lot about tomorrow, and next week, and next year......and then it brings me back to the present. This very real, very difficult and sometimes dark, cloudy day. Some days all I see are the grey clouds. In the midst of the storm, it is hard to see the glimmer of silver shining through, ever so slightly, along the edges of the darkness looming overhead, but they are there.

This week, a few of those silver streaks have been the emails, texts and phone calls from friends. I have seen God at work in my family and definitely in my prayer life. I am encouraged to know how many people care for me- how many friends will come and help when I need it- all the fellow believers that are willing to get down on their knees and pray earnestly for me when I can't muster the strength to roll out of bed and pray for myself. There really is more silver than grey when I stop and think about it!

I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know the One who does. Today I choose to lift my eyes to Him, who is able to keep my feet from stumbling, and I remember a different, dark, grey day that had the most amazing silver lining of all. God gave to us His Son, who came and suffered, and died that we might live.

Matthew 27:45-54New King James Version (NKJV)
"Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”....... And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many. So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, 'Truly this was the Son of God!'"
I will end with these lyrics from Selah's song. No matter how grey the skies above you may seem, lift up your eyes and see the Bright Shining silver lining! For truly He IS the Son of God and if you will simply place your faith in Him, He will preserve you. 

"How Deep The Father's Love For Us"

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom