tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15101539298072190352024-03-07T22:26:20.664-06:00Finding Peace in the Midst of SufferingThe Painful Journey to Embracing God's SovereigntyShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.comBlogger160125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-62750746356348154712024-01-02T12:19:00.001-06:002024-01-02T12:19:09.624-06:00Still A Valley Girl<p> I grew up in the 80's, like totally. You may know what a valley girl is. The term originated from the San Fernando Valley in California, and it filtered all the way to this midwestern girl in the Chicago suburbs. The 80's were totally tubular!</p><p><br />I was thinking of how I was, like, a valley girl, like, in high school. I started to think that I am still very much a valley girl today, but in a much different way.</p><p><br /></p><p>When we talk about going through a valley in our life, we tend to think of a cold, dark place of isolation and loneliness and ,frequently, even pain. However, if I were to tell you that Chad and I took a vacation to the Grand Canyon, and spent a week camping out in the valley, it might seem fun and exciting! We would face challenges, even difficult ones, but overall, I think our experience would be positive. We may struggle to find food or start a fire. Outdoor bathrooms and tents might be dirty and uncomfortable. The rough terrain could make hiking down into the canyon and back out quite a lot of work.</p><p>I would like to think that our time there, together, would also be one of rest and closeness. Being alone with someone for a long period can really bring you closer. Our journey through life, even when difficult, can be very much like this.</p><p>God tells us that He is with us in the valley, and we need not fear (Psalm 23). While the valley can be challenging and unpleasant at times, it can also be a place of refreshment for the weary and communion with God. </p><p>I am definitely still a valley girl, as I have spent quite a lot of the last few years feeling like I am at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I am thankful for a God who is there with me, One who allows me graciously to see the beauty in the canyon's sides as I look up towards heaven. I have found some of the sweetest times of fellowship with the Lord comes in those moments when I am camped out at the bottom, seemingly alone.</p><p><br /></p><p>This past year has gone remarkably well, and I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned in the valley. I pray that 2024 continues to be a year filled with less pain and fewer trials, but even if it isn't, I know that God will be by my side strengthening and guiding me as I look once again to climb out of the valley.</p><p> </p><p>Happy New Year to you all! Keep looking up to the One who holds all who are His in His hands, and never lets them fall.(Jude 1:24-25; Isaiah 49:16)</p><p><br /></p><p>I will leave you with one of my favorite songs. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqhnAUWTGok" target="_blank">"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens</a>.</p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time</p><p>~Shari</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-58230488126021992862023-12-29T20:35:00.005-06:002023-12-29T20:35:47.185-06:00More Than A Year<p> The end of 2023 is just a couple of days away, and I realized it has been over a year since I posted anything. When I started the blog in January 2013, I posted every day for a while. Turns out I didn't have as much to say as I originally thought (this will come as a shock for all who know me haha). Over time, I tried to post regularly, as a story would come up that needed telling, and eventually the blog ended up on the back burner.</p><p>The good news is that part of the reason I haven't blogged all year is because things have been pretty good. We took a year off from traveling to Mayo Clinic, I started working part time, and we have just enjoyed a year without many challenges. Praise God!</p><p>I hope, my dear reader, that as 2023 comes to a close, and 2024 is ushered in, you can join me in looking back over the last several months and recognize God's faithfulness in the mundane, everyday things. May we all start the year off with gratitude for all that God continues to work in our lives. I look forward to a study in the book of Psalms with a friend, and all the rest that God will bring into our lives in 2024. <br /><br />Happy New Year!</p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time </p><p>~Shari</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-14268761023590140852022-09-07T10:56:00.001-05:002023-12-29T20:36:04.678-06:00Just One Click<p> Sometimes it only takes one click to take you back. Most days I don't think about it, but it most definitely impacts my life daily. It shaped who I am, what I do, and how I respond to both people and situations. Just one click on a documentary that was recommended for me got me thinking, and then blogging. Leave No Trace is a documentary about the Boy Scouts and their downfall as stories and documents were brought to light about ten of thousands of boys who were sexually abused in the scouts program and camps. </p><p>In <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2022/05/it-could-have-been-me.html">my last post</a>, I talked about being bullied and how that made me an angry teen, but I didn't touch on this other reason for that anger. The specific incident this documentary made me think of happened shortly after my 13th birthday. My mother had always told me stories of my sister being a candy striper at our local hospital, and I really wanted to do it also. I lived about 3 blocks from Mercy Center in Aurora, and walked over to ask questions about it. I learned you had to be 13 to volunteer, and they no longer called them candy stripers. On my 13th birthday, in May 1983, I walked over to Mercy Center again and signed up to be a volunteer. I started off delivering flowers to patients the very next day. I had no friends, so I had a lot of time that summer. Within a few days, I was given more hours and duties. I started working at 6 am each weekday in the admitting office. <br /><br />In 1983, the hospital had no computers, so there were piles of paper charts and a huge white board with every bed number in the 5 story building. We had to keep track of each patient coming in and going out. I would get them to complete paperwork, give them a wrist band, assign them a bed, and walk them up to their room. I LOVED this job and must have excelled, because after a couple of weeks, the manager was letting me come in alone on Saturday mornings to check in the rare patient who had a weekend admission. <br /><br />In the course of my duties, I had a lot of contact with the nursing station and environmental services to make sure beds were empty and clean. I will spare you the horrid details, but the first week of August that summer, less than 8 weeks from when I started, I was standing in the volunteer coordinator's office being fired. I was sobbing and begging, but she was adamant. As I stood there very upset, weeping and shaking, she explained that a nurse had reported me being in a utility closet with a (30 year old) janitor. She raised her voice to shame me for being young and not understanding that people had jobs to do, and I was an unhelpful distraction. Yes, you may have guessed, I wasn't in that closet looking for supplies. I often wondered how that nurse and supervisor were able to turn a blind eye to something so heinous, but by then, I had already learned how to keep silent and had no self worth.<br /><br />To be honest, sometimes I wonder if I had a sign on my forehead. I am not joking. I was sexually abused by 5 different adults by the time I was 18. As a teen I was also an easy target for the boys in my age bracket. "Date rape" wasn't a term I heard in the 80's, but I definitely understand what it is and how it happens....at least for me. I was really unable to say "no". I had learned that I didn't have a voice or a choice. I deserved what I got, or at least that is what I thought. I rationalized that if I wouldn't have been there, it wouldn't have happened, so there is no one to blame but myself.<br /><br />As you might guess, I dealt with depression and anxiety, but I was also angry at the world around me. I really was broken. As broken as a person can be anyways. I had trouble making real friendships and had no sense of "self". My past continues to impact my present, although less than it once did. I still keep people at a distance, have trouble trusting people, and I may never have a truly healthy view of sex, but having a wonderful, patient and understanding husband has absolutely been great medicine!<br /><br />The two of us dealt with my past when we went to counseling in the mid 1990's, and shortly after that is when we came to Christ. People like to present Christianity as a "cure all". The message that frequently gets communicated either directly or indirectly is, "Trust Jesus and you will be happy and healthy." If you know anything about my life or have read this blog, you will know I am not healthy physically and have struggled with mental health in my life as well, so that clearly isn't a true picture of Christianity.</p><p><br />God's word doesn't promise us health or wealth, at least not the earthly defined type. He does tell us that He is with those who love Him. He comforts us, petitions God the Father on our behalf, gives us His Spirit to guide and strengthen us, and leaves us his Word to give us peace. Christ knows my pain. He shares in our sufferings. He suffered unimaginable pain while hanging on a cross, dying, bearing the weight of my sin. He took my place then, so that I might have life everlasting. On that day, I will know what true health and wealth is. Between now and then, I will keep clinging to my Savior, trusting Him to continue to heal my heart. He is teaching me to love and forgive others as He loves and forgives me. If you haven't trusted Christ, asked Him to forgive you, and placed your faith in him, my friend, please cry out to Him today. He won't take away all the pain instantly, but He will see you through it. </p><p>The early years of my life were marked by trauma, grief and loss. The later years have been marked by grace, healing, and restoration. Praise be to God!<br /><br /><br />Until Next Time~</p><p>Shari<br /><br />P.S. In case you missed the posts about <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-early-years-my-life-part-1.html">my childhood </a>and <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-continuing-saga-my-life-part-2.html">early adulthood</a>.</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-67829344904560935722022-05-28T17:25:00.001-05:002022-05-31T08:40:12.171-05:00It Could Have Been Me<p> I will start simply by saying this is my personal story, and I am not trying to speak about any specific shooting incidents. I have thought about writing this many times over the last couple of years (every time there is another school shooting in particular).</p><p>Things were very different in the 1970's when I was in grade school, or the 80's when I was in junior and senior high school. I have joked many times that I am thankful that social media didn't exist then, because it surely would have documented some of my dangerous, illegal, and stupid activities as a youth. It is not funny, however, to think about how much social media impacts our children's mental health today. Growing up was hard enough before computers. I cannot imagine the pressures the internet brings, but I can tell you my story.</p><p>My parents divorced when I was 7 years old. I don't remember much from when my dad lived with us, but have a few unpleasant memories of his harshness and abuse. I have tried to understand how I could have been such a "daddy's little girl" to someone like my father. Maybe I wanted to win him over, assuming things would be better if I just loved him more. Whatever the reason, despite the dysfunctional relationship, I was devastated when he left. My siblings were 17 and 19 at this time, and one was in college and the other in the Navy, so I felt alone. My mother and I were on our own for most of my young life. </p><p>I was always super shy and quiet. The kind of shyness that makes you hide behind a parent and causes you to stare at the ground when a stranger acknowledges you. I was pretty independent at a young age. I walked by myself to and from school with a key on a piece of yarn around my neck (literally a latchkey kid). I am not sure if it was nature, nurture or a combination of both, but I felt responsible for other people, especially my mother. I still have a natural bent towards trying to help others, and feeling bad when I can't fix things, but I also remember lots of incidents of my mother telling me that she would die if I left her. Sometimes she would say I was the only thing keeping her from killing herself, and I bore that burden, as well as my own, for many years, </p><p>In first grade, I saw the school social worker to help me talk about the troubles at home, the divorce, and the lack of my father's involvement in my life. A doctor put me on phenobarbital (a strong barbiturate) for a "nervous stomach" that year. Looking back, I would definitely diagnose myself with depression and anxiety. I was the smallest person in my class for several years, and remained one of the smallest through middle school. Being small and shy, you might imagine how it could be a recipe for being picked on. I was bullied a lot through grade school, and it got worse in middle school, especially as my peers learned I lived in subsidized apartments. </p><p>It is really hard to explain in a few paragraphs, but I was traumatized by our family situation, and the bullying was relentless. I was broken. Besides the school social worker and the barbiturates, there was really no other help. Counseling wasn't really a thing back then (or at least it wasn't offered to me). My mother did her best, but she was also dealing with depression (or not dealing with it would be more accurate). So from a very young age, I was exposed to a dysfunctional home life, then felt the pain of divorce and subsequent abandonment. Finally, the bullying at school added the final ingredient to the recipe that shaped who I was.</p><p>I came home and cried almost every day for years. During high school, the crying was accompanied by a constant request that we move somewhere else and start over. I know now that moving would not have fixed the problem, but it sounded like a great idea as an adolescent. I wanted to die, although I never actually told anyone that. I was also a VERY angry person. I was mad at my dad for leaving and for the kids at school who were vicious. I spent many hours planning how I would run my dad over if I ever saw him again. I daydreamed about hurting him like he hurt me. I wanted to be liked, and pushed myself to exhaustion to be "perfect" so the bullying would stop, and I would have friends. With the anger being pushed down, and the constant striving to do better, and yet always falling short, I was a power keg waiting to blow. By high school, I was ready to fight any one, any time, for any reason.</p><p>When I finally got counseling in my early 20's, our counselor said he wasn't surprised I hadn't snapped and killed someone in a fit of rage. He wasn't wrong. I would have done anything to make the pain stop; to end the bullying. If social media and round the clock world news would have been available to give me ideas on how to go about taking care of my problem, I very well might have made it on the 6 o-clock news, and not for good reasons. When I hear of another school shooting, I can't help but think "there but by the grace of God go I." I never really wanted to hurt someone else, as much as I wanted others to feel the pain I felt. I wanted the pain I felt to stop. I can clearly see now that hurting myself or others would not "fix" me, but as a child or adolescent, whose mind isn't fully developed, it seems logical in the midst of the deep psychological pain.</p><p>Some of you might think you aren't capable of that kind of evil, or would never hurt someone else. Others would say you have never felt pain like I am trying to describe, and so you can't believe you do something that drastic. When I hear people speak of the shooters as "a monster" or "pure evil", I can't help but think defining them as different from ourselves makes us feel better somehow. I can imagine the pain and mental anguish that leads a person to consider doing anything to make it stop. Each case is unique, and I am not speaking of a certain person here, but not everyone who commits a mass shooting is a psychopath. In fact, when I say that it could have been me, I believe we all are capable of hurting other people. I know I was. </p><p>We are all capable of doing things we would call "evil". No one likes to admit it, and many of us might find it impossible to believe. </p><p>Have you ever wished someone would "get what's coming to them?" </p><p>When a reckless driver weaves in and out of traffic, coming dangerously close to your car, do you think he ought to wrap that car around a light pole? </p><p>Have you been glad when someone you dislike goes through something terrible? Would you smile as you say "karma's a bitch"? </p><p>I think if we would be completely honest with ourselves, we would admit that we have all had thoughts like these. Occasionally the groundwork has been laid in such a way, that a person actually follows through with some of those thoughts. </p><p>The Bible is clear that the hearts of men are "deceitful above all things, and desperately sick" (Jeremiah 17:9). Without the grace of God, and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, I shudder to think about who I would be today. I hope we can all pause, and instead of passing judgement on others, begin to pray for those who are hurting. Reach out to people in our neighborhood and community. Maybe we can all be a little slower to pass judgment and a little more intentional about looking for ways we might help.</p><p>May we be faithful in getting to know those around us, loving them, letting them know we are here for them. I wish someone would have been there for me in my youth. I am so thankful that Jesus Christ has changed my heart, saving me from who I could have been, and opened my eyes to the truth. </p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time~</p><p>Shari</p><p><br /></p><p>P.S.</p><p>This may be the first time I have done this, but I wanted to add a couple of things now that I have had a couple of days to think more about this.</p><p>1. Not having a gun did not stop me from thinking of ways to use my vehicle, a knife, thinking of ways I could make it look like an accident, etc. Any one with this much hate and pain won't be stopped by lack of a weapon, but also...</p><p>2. My personality (I am ISTJ and an enneagram 1w9) is such that law and order make the world make sense to me. That combined with my family life/training made me highly sensitive to "right and wrong". I was eager to do the right thing, be perfect, make people like me, that if I ever would have followed through on my evil thoughts, I think the counselor may have been closer to the truth when he told me that in a fit of blind rage, he thought I would hurt someone. He went on to say that it would likely have been an "innocent bystander who took my parking spot" and not the people whom I actually hated and wanted to hurt. </p><p>3. Many children have difficult/abusive family situations like I did. It most definitely impacts a child, but personality types and teaching they receive all make a difference in the result. A good home life isn't always a recipe for a well-adjusted child, like a bad home life doesn't always result in a bad outcome. it is messy and complicated. Over the years, there were teachers, karate instructors, and police officers in my life that stepped in and really made a difference. Go, be that person to someone else!</p><p>I just thought I would clarify some of the how/why of what never ended up happening in my life. I am SO incredibly thankful that I sought help before any of those things happened, or my life would look much different now!</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-3461432117194686382022-02-28T07:41:00.001-06:002022-06-21T08:36:59.936-05:00Think Zebras<p> February 28 (or February 29 in a leap year) is Rare Disease Day. It began in 2008, and this year more than 100 countries are participating in this day set aside to raise awareness for those diagnosed with a rare disease. In the United States, a disease that affects fewer than 200,000 people is considered a rare disease. There are estimated to be between 7,000 - 10,000 known rare diseases, only a few of which have any available treatment. More than 30 million people in the US, and 300 million worldwide are living with a rare disease.</p><p>It costs more than $300 million on average to bring a drug to market. The government helps produce what are called "orphan drugs," which are medications for rare diseases that would not be profitable for companies to make due to limited number of patients who would need them. More research and support are needed, and that is why it is important to raise awareness for rare diseases. </p><p>This year, I thought I'd share a little about my story (again). I can't speak for everyone who is living with a rare disease, but one of the most common things I see in this community is how long it takes to get a diagnosis. The average time for a rare disease patient to receive an accurate diagnosis is more than 7 years! There is a saying in medicine that "when you hear hooves, you should think of horses, not zebras." This is supposed to remind doctors that most often when you have a set of particular symptoms, it is most likely caused by something common (horses) and not dig through medical books for some rare diagnosis (a zebra). They should consider and eliminate the most likely diagnoses first. The zebra is the symbol for Rare Disease Day. We are the exception to that rule.</p><p>Rare diseases aren't all that rare when you consider that 1 in 10 Americans is living with a rare diagnosis. Doctors frequently overlook a rare cause for patients' symptoms. I had an experience shared by many in the rare disease community. When my x-rays did not confirm my doctor's theory that I had a herniated disc (which is the most common reason for leg weakness with numbness), he told me that I should see a psychiatrist. When the results weren't what he expected, he blamed my mental health rather than seek other answers. </p><p>Going through years of doctor appointments and health struggles before finding an answer is exhausting. Friends and family that started off helping with things disappear one by one as the months and years pass with no answers. Some people doubt you, and you often start to doubt yourself. For others, life progresses and you can't keep up. It can be isolating and depressing to feel unwell and have doctors dismiss you. You learn quickly to do medical research and become an advocate for yourself, but also have to balance going to a new doctor "too prepared." Doctors who see you walk in with a stack of records and list of previously seen specialists are more likely to see you as a difficult patient. </p><p>Many times, rare disease patients have more than one diagnosis, with overlapping symptoms, and that clouds the picture further. We quickly discover that there is no magic bullet that will fix everything. Most rare diseases do not have a cure, and while symptoms can be managed sometimes, the treatment often comes with side effects and at a hefty expense. Having a rare disease and/or disability is expensive. Travel to specialists, new medications, testing, treatment, and mobility equipment can bankrupt a person. Sadly, if you are lower income, or have no/poor health insurance coverage, you may not even have access to many of the doctors or treatments that might help.</p><p>My rare disease is called CIDP (Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyradiculopathy). It is an autoimmune disease. That means my immune system sees my nerves as something harmful, and mounts a defense, thinking it is protecting me from a foreign invader, but instead it destroys the coating on my nerves. The available treatment options have not helped me, and they consider it to be "treatment resistant" at this point. There really isn't anything else they can do but let the disease run its course, monitor me, and give me medications to treat the symptoms. </p><p>I first had symptoms of CIDP in 2004. I received the wrong diagnosis in 2009, and got the correct diagnosis in 2013, which was confirmed at Mayo in 2018 (which is when we found out the 2009 diagnosis was wrong). You can read more about that devastating news <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2018/08/hard-to-put-into-words.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2018/09/good-grief.html" target="_blank">here</a>. This disease causes numbness, weakness, nerve pain and balance issues among other things, and has been slowly taking away my ability to walk.</p><p>I won't repeat my whole history here, but if you haven't read the beginning of my story yet, <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-continuing-saga-my-life-part-2.html" target="_blank">you can do so here.</a> In 1998, I went from being healthy and active to fairly unwell, which also took a while to diagnose. They named it many things before deciding on calling it Undifferentiated Spondyloarthropathy, which is a long way of saying I have an autoimmune arthritis that mostly effects my spine, hips and shoulders, and is of unknown origin. This disease has slowly worn away my spine, causing many herniated discs, bone spurs, loss of motion, and pain...SO MUCH PAIN. </p><p>The dual diagnosis is a lot to deal with, but also why Rare Disease Day is important to me. I hope for new treatment options. I would like to raise awareness so you can help someone you may know that is going through something similar. I have lost the physical ability to do many things I loved. I have had to cancel many plans, miss out on activities and events, and have also lost friends. If you take anything away from this post about Rare Disease Day, I hope you can better understand how to support a friend or family member with a rare disease.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Be ready and available to LISTEN! Don't try to tell them you know exactly what they are going through because you had a headache last week, or broke your ankle when you were a child and had to use a wheelchair for a week. The older I get, the more fully convinced I am that we can never fully know what someone else is going through, because we are all so very different. </li><li>Along those same lines, as much as you want to, please don't offer medical advice or try to fix the problem. I can't even tell you how many times someone has told me about a vitamin or medication that I should try because it helped their Aunt Betty with knee pain. Seriously, it is unlikely that you can offer your friend information that they or their doctors are not already aware of. Offering unsolicited medical advice says to your friend that you know more about their rare disease and medical history than they do (trust me, you don't). </li><li>ASK how you can help! It's great if you love doing laundry or mowing the lawn, but instead of offering to do what you like doing, ask them what would be the most helpful for <i>them</i>. Maybe laundry isn't a struggle for them, but getting out to the grocery store is. Don't force your help on them either, but gently remind them of your willingness. When they need you and are ready to accept help, they will call upon you.</li><li>Try to include your friend in things. Again, just ask! Maybe holding the event at their home would be easier for them, or offering them a ride, being willing to leave early if they aren't feeling well. Don't push, but be aware that there are many factors that can make us feel isolated, and many can be overcome with a little willingness and creative thinking.</li><li>Don't assume because someone looks fine or is smiling, that everything is okay. This is true in situations other than rare diseases! We are great at hiding our pain, but sometimes having a friend who will ask and listen, is just what we need π It can often seem like we talk too much about our illness and pain, and yet it envelops every aspect of our lives and we need to feel free to discuss it with those closest to us. I don't talk about it to whine or complain, but simply because it can be so overwhelming.</li><li>Be flexible! Be willing to change plans, or as we like to say "adapt, improvise and overcome." It is hard to know how you will feel a week from Tuesday, and therefore we sometimes avoid making plans rather than canceling. I truly appreciate friends who say "text me that morning and let me know if you feel up to meeting, or we will pick another day." I feel loved and cared for, and makes me feel less guilty knowing that I haven't let them down.</li></ul><p></p><p>Hopefully there is some helpful information here. Have a great Rare Disease Day today!</p><p>Additional information about rare diseases<a href="https://www.rarediseasesinternational.org/living-with-a-rare-disease/" target="_blank"> here</a> and <a href="https://www.rarediseaseday.org/what-is-rare-disease-day/">here</a>.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj6kzxjD3_eab2T8r7quFYi2djTNvzIkYl_f1TqBCb_B0ZkIQRPO-ydpCmIatj0cLbWknzsrsM-b3mi8HxAB6xtMST0o3-SfH_MSvHx7xIUA-vsUsGtxiyYeTg8_9wlax-UBzQU8K4mY8KW0kvFmb6ST2G2YwnZmcU76g87LO7xTyEOPPE56gwmG65FCQ=s1920" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj6kzxjD3_eab2T8r7quFYi2djTNvzIkYl_f1TqBCb_B0ZkIQRPO-ydpCmIatj0cLbWknzsrsM-b3mi8HxAB6xtMST0o3-SfH_MSvHx7xIUA-vsUsGtxiyYeTg8_9wlax-UBzQU8K4mY8KW0kvFmb6ST2G2YwnZmcU76g87LO7xTyEOPPE56gwmG65FCQ=w400-h225" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi6qnCtD4QnRgyN4X4aDGJkauwJ0HMRRYnFUkmBpON8c6V_Xnc5ZT3uR65TN1tcxXrk9Axwq7x88PVPuzjcytBVlB-nQvPiVdntGgFhfJzyAg3le_xcMusppfFIYslHJFjgOUiorIRwAzGbW6JKMUZJeH3ZoaskDg4kA4NV7frY7XyLLkQF1WxuQ5Pr8A=s853" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="853" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi6qnCtD4QnRgyN4X4aDGJkauwJ0HMRRYnFUkmBpON8c6V_Xnc5ZT3uR65TN1tcxXrk9Axwq7x88PVPuzjcytBVlB-nQvPiVdntGgFhfJzyAg3le_xcMusppfFIYslHJFjgOUiorIRwAzGbW6JKMUZJeH3ZoaskDg4kA4NV7frY7XyLLkQF1WxuQ5Pr8A=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">#zebrastrong </td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><p>Until Nest Time~</p><p>Shari</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-26193066161971533752022-02-26T20:00:00.004-06:002022-06-21T08:36:49.161-05:00Daily Absence<p> Imagine that your elderly mother's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and you have the bright idea to plan a surprise birthday party for her. Within minutes, your brain is whirring with to-do lists and plans. You sit down the first chance you get and make a list of guests. Over the next few days you are super busy as you begin squeezing in the party planning along with all your regular activities. You realize you haven't talked to your mom in several days, which is unusual, but you brush that guilt aside because you are busy. You are SO excited and it will be great to spend the day with her on her birthday-- besides you are horrible at keeping a secret and don't want to say anything to ruin the surprise.</p><p>Two weeks fly right by and the house is decorated to perfection. Guests start to arrive, and you feel nervous butterflies in your stomach because you want so badly to please your mom and make this day a success. As people start to mingle, you just can't shake the feeling that you forgot something, and it starts to gnaw at you. Within a couple of minutes you realize what the problem is...you forgot to invite your mother. </p><p>The guest of honor isn't there! Embarrassed and guilty, you make excuses and justify how busy you were. Surely you aren't the only one who would have done all of this and forgotten the most important thing. The guests are having a great time. You notice the cheese platter is empty, and before you think about it again, you are back to being a good hostess. As the party winds down, people trickle out and you start the process of cleaning up the party aftermath so you can be ready to get to work tomorrow morning. Just before you head to bed, you call your mom to say "Happy birthday! I love you. Talk to you later. I am very tired. I had a busy day," and hang up the phone just before you drift off to sleep.</p><p>Does this all sound ridiculous? Impossible even? I would hope so, yet I fear many of us live our lives just like this when it comes to God. I heard the term "Functional Atheism" many years ago, and it has always stuck in my head. We live busy, independent lives. We go through our day with very little (if any) thought of God, His Word, or prayer. We get things done, run around completing our to-do lists, serving others in God's name, and yet fail to actually include the guest of honor in any of our plans. Basically, we live functionally as though we are atheists, simply planning and doing the tasks we need to do.</p><p>Oftentimes I lift my head from a project I have been engrossed in, maybe even frustrated with, and realize that I haven't bothered to pray and ask God for wisdom. In fact, I never even bothered to ask if the task is something I should be doing at all. I lay down to sleep at night, and the thought pops into my head that I <i>should</i> pray, because I "forgot" again today, or didn't have time, only to wake up in the morning and have only a brief memory of a few sentences uttered before I was sound asleep. When this happens do I spend my morning in prayer? No, to my own shame I do not, but instead I get up and hit the ground running. After all, the dog needs to go out and I am hungry and there is a lot on my to-do list today!</p><p>We tend to be driven to God in prayer when bad things happen, and our daily lives are disrupted. The war in Ukraine has been that driver for me the last few days, as reading stories from the people there and seeing the devastation has reminded me how much we need God to intervene. I started to think about those words again: Functional Atheism. Why do I struggle so to be faithful in prayer? God forgive me! I am utterly and completely dependent upon Him for life, light, faith, breath, and, well, EVERYTHING! Yet I continue to rush ahead in my own strength to do all the "good things" I think I should be doing, and all the busy days just keep flying by. May we all be more fully aware of our need for Him. May He graciously increase our desire to spend time with Him, causing us to trust Him more fully.</p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time~</p><p>Shari</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-603971690925030742022-01-30T18:26:00.005-06:002022-06-21T08:36:37.641-05:00Off To A (Not So) Great Start<p> Many of you have mentioned that I haven't blogged in a long while. Honestly, sometimes events or thoughts spur a blog post, and I can't sleep until I get it down on paper. Other times, many months or longer fly by, and I don't have much to say (hard to believe, I know). The truth is that lately I haven't felt well enough to do much of anything except that which is essential for daily living. <br /><br />It has definitely been a rough couple of months. I had a cold just before Thanksgiving, and got better just in time to have my second bout of covid the first week of December. I am thankful it was mostly like a mild flu, and MUCH easier than the first round in October 2020. I felt pretty much back to my "normal" by mid-December. I got back to regular activities and enjoyed the holidays with family. Our daughter was exposed to covid, and tested positive a few days after New Year's Eve. I started getting sick again a couple days after exposure, but tested negative. I had all the symptoms, and the doctor said to assume I had the Omicron variant based on my symptoms and exposure.</p><p>I had mild cold/flu symptoms for less than a week, but with some lasting congestion. I was mostly okay by January 8th, but only for about 7 or 8 days. Things went back downhill as I continued to battle congestion, sinus headache, overwhelming fatigue, dizziness, and other cold symptoms. I just really wasn't getting better, so I finally saw the doctor this past week. She thinks it is likely "lingering covid" symptoms which can persist for 12-16 weeks!! I started antibiotics a few days ago, and a steroid pack today, and am feeling completely miserable. (I am so thankful I bought a case of tissues a few months ago, because I have needed them)</p><p>I don't usually lounge around, even on bad days, but lately I haven't had much choice. It has been an extended time of reading, praying and napping (some whining about how bad I feel too). I actually have a hard time doing "nothing", so even when I feel sick, I usually make dinner and keep up with housework. </p><p>I feel like this past year has been like 60 grit sandpaper, sanding down the rough spots and making me more aware of my weakness and sin, and my utter need for my Savior! No one likes to walk through the valleys, but how much more does the grace of God shine through when there is nothing else we can cling to but Christ!<br /></p><p>It is easy to feel weary and frustrated when things like this are added upon my normal health struggles. It takes deliberate and intentional steps to stay in the Word and prayer. God promises us that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), but that doesn't mean Satan wouldn't love to get us wallowing in self-pity. So, I will try to enjoy this extended time of rest, and remember God's promises. We truly have SO much to be grateful for, especially our Savior.</p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time~</p><p>Shari</p><p><br /></p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-75485872293562944862021-09-06T14:22:00.003-05:002022-06-21T08:36:25.636-05:00My Familiar Friend<p> Suffering and I are well acquainted. Chronic pain has been my almost constant companion since 1998, when I first began having symptoms, and although it has changed in placement and intensity over the years, it has rarely left my side. I have read a LOT of books on suffering and what the Bible has to say about it, especially ones that help teach me to suffer well. While I still cry out to God in pain and plead for mercy and healing at times, my more consistent prayer has been that I might suffer well. Above all I want to suffer in a way that brings glory to God, and draws me nearer to Him. </p><p>Chronic pain is difficult, and I would not wish it on anyone. It is definitely not something I wanted, but without a doubt God has graciously used it in my life. I have learned to appreciate more of the little things, love others with greater sympathy, and trust God more fully. It is not the healthy person who seeks a doctor, but the sick. My illness has caused me to seek God more intentionally, more often, and with greater urgency than I would otherwise have done. He has answered those prayers in many ways, though often not in ways I had hoped. </p><p>I have noticed this week that my Bible study, random FB scrolling, and a book I am reading have all been great reminders on the ways God has answered those prayers. I am sure you have all had similar experiences when everything you seem to hear and read go together as if God is trying to get your attention on that topic. A couple weeks ago, as I was working through Colossians with a dear friend, we were confronted with the final verses of chapter 1:</p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>"Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known, the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works in me." (verses 24-29)</i></p><p style="text-align: left;">The commentary I am using (written by R. Kent Hughes) expresses that v.24 is one of the most widely debated verses in all of scripture! That is sobering as I seek to rightly handle the word of God! I suggest you read and study this portion on your own, because I will not be breaking that all down for you, but I did glean very useful insight from the commentary. Hughes states on page 248, "Paul knew his sufferings were for the Church and that they brought to him a special closeness with Christ. Every blow that fell on him fell on his Master and thus bound them even closer in mutual suffering." He goes on to talk about the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace, and how God was with them. (Daniel 3:25) He ends that paragraph with this, "Paul knew sufferings are miserable, but the resulting sense of union with Christ is wonderful." (for you Veggie Tales fans, the "<i>Rack, Shack, and Benny</i>" tune is probably stuck in your head now. You're welcome!)<br /><br />As I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed, I ran across this short video from Joni Eareckson Tada:<br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="true" frameborder="0" height="476" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?height=476&href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FJoniEarecksonTada%2Fvideos%2F1260808947702005%2F&show_text=false&width=267&t=0" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" width="267"></iframe></div><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/JoniEarecksonTada/posts/6418170734890062" target="_blank">www.facebook.com/JoniEarecksonTada/posts/6418170734890062 </a></p><p style="text-align: left;">After more than 50 years as a quadriplegic, and a breast cancer survivor, she knows more about suffering than many people, and she clearly expresses how hard it is to deal with the pain, along with how much we <i>need</i> Christ in the midst of it. Christ doesn't magically make everything go away or stop hurting, but he is there with us in the midst of the trial. He comforts and strengthens. He gives peace and wisdom and love. We are bound with Christ in a special closeness in the midst of our pain. He is an even closer, constant companion than our pain!</p><p>In addition to those two items, I am reading a new book. As I mentioned earlier, I have read SO many books on suffering, but this one is a bit different. "<i>Dark Clouds - Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament</i>" By Mark Vroegop is a book that helps us to see the benefit of lamenting. Every chapter thus far has really shown me how and why to use biblical lament in prayer. We cry out to God, with our hurt and pain, for God knows our struggles and thoughts anyways, yet we also keep our eyes upon Him throughout. Lamenting allows us to feel the pain of our situation, grieve it openly while still seeking God in it's midst. I am not much of a book reviewer, but if you struggle with grief or pain of any kind, I highly recommend you grab a copy of his book and read it! The Psalms are full of such good examples on how to really cry out to God in our grief, and he masterfully teaches us how to benefit.<br /><br /><br /><br />I figured since this same topic has been impressed upon me several times in the last two weeks, I would share it with you! I pray you find comfort also in the One who holds us in His great care. <br /><br />As a quick update on me, it is time for our annual trip to Mayo Clinic. We head there on the 15th for several tests and then check in with my doctor before heading home late on the 17th. Another whirlwind September trip for us. I am hoping to discuss any other treatment options that may help me, and determine the risks of those medications in the middle of a pandemic. Lots to think through, and would appreciate prayers for wisdom, as well as physical strength. The jam-packed, short trips to Mayo are difficult, but it is too expensive for us to drag them out over several days, besides our pup, Willow, would miss me WAY too much! π</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_G7EGiEClV0/YTZtgrIGmWI/AAAAAAABHs8/608k8chu6MoPtHZ32RRDXvoUJ3fR7F59gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1380/Screenshot%2B2021-09-06%2B2.34.40%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1378" data-original-width="1380" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_G7EGiEClV0/YTZtgrIGmWI/AAAAAAABHs8/608k8chu6MoPtHZ32RRDXvoUJ3fR7F59gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Screenshot%2B2021-09-06%2B2.34.40%2BPM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>This year brings the added joy of being at Mayo during the same days as good friends of ours, and as weird as it is, I am looking forward to waiting room chats and quick bites to eat together between appointments. Like bringing a little bit of "home" along with us! </p><p>I am sure there will updates coming! (c'mon, you know I'm an oversharer) Please also pray we stay healthy, both now so I don't have to cancel my trip, and afterwards, since we think I got covid there last year (tested positive 6 days after).<br /><br />Thank you all for reading!<br /><br /></p><p>Until Next Time~</p><p>Shari</p><p><br /></p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-22325356505947027502021-07-16T11:21:00.010-05:002022-06-21T08:35:19.177-05:00When Did I Quit?<p> I can't really tell you the day or the hour, or even the week, but at some point I feel like I gave up. What does giving up mean you might ask? Well, for me it was cloaked in my thinking that I was just accepting reality.</p><p>I have always been a fighter. I had a friend tell me once that I'm the kind of person that walks right up to a challenge, and never backs down, but finds a way through it and overcomes. I am not too sure that that's true anymore. My disability has been a long, slow journey. As more and more of my work, hobbies and pastimes were stripped away, something changed in my mind that convinced me I couldn't do it anymore, and thus I shouldn't bother to try. In all reality, many things have gotten much harder, but they are still possible. We have taken more of an "adapt, improvise, and overcome" approach in the sense of solving issues as they arise, but mostly I have just given up a lot of things that I put in the "too hard to do anymore" category.</p><p>I don't feel sad about this, again, it just seems like it's my reality. I really am okay being somewhat of a hermit. I've always been on more of the shy, introverted side of things, and spending a lot of hours alone usually doesn't bother me too much. However, when I look back a few years ago and compare that life to now, I feel like I've changed so much sometimes I hardly recognize myself. I used to love to just go browse thrift stores or antique shops, and we were always out doing things on the weekend. Museums, kayaking, and lots of hiking were among our weekly outings. Now, when I see that I have a couple of physical therapy appointments in the same week, I feel slightly overwhelmed that I have to leave home multiple times (especially by myself). All of it just seems too difficult, so it has gotten easier to just stay home. The thing is, I'm actually very content at home. This fact actually leads to making the situation worse though. If I was the kind of person who missed getting out and doing things, or missed large groups of people, I think that I would force myself to do more even if it's harder than it once was.</p><p><a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2014/01/less-of-me-in-2014.html">Years ago, my blood pressure was creeping up and I was having issues with blood sugar. I decided I had had enough</a>. Literally overnight I changed the way I eat and exercised. Within a few months I had dropped 40 lbs and no longer needed to have any medication for those issues. I maintained that for about 3 years, but gradually as things got more difficult for me physically, I started to make little excuses and exceptions. A quick bite of food here or there that wasn't on my diet, skipping exercise because I was in too much pain, and things like that started to become more normal. Now here I am back at the weight that I started at in 2012. I've been on blood pressure medication for more than a year, and I've started to have problems with blood sugar regulation again.</p><p>In my mind, I still feel like that young, strong, fighter, and yet in reality have become something different. I'm not sure this is all bad. I can easily make excuses for how I'm taking care of myself, but the truth is I would prefer to be that younger healthier woman. Days like today when the pain isn't too bad, I wake up and face a new day with determination that I'm going to change everything on a dime again. Lately though, I make that proclamation a few times a week, and by the end of each day I feel defeated as the reality sets in. My lack of mobility and increased pain slowly strip away my intestinal fortitude. I used to think all I had to do was pull myself up by my bootstraps and muscle through. Another friend of mine reminds me the bootstraps are nowhere mentioned in the Bible! I no longer feel that that is actually true, not everything can be overcome. Grit and determination aren't always enough.</p><p>Above all I do believe that the battle for all of this begins in our minds. What we believe about ourselves and the world around us really does impact what we think and feel. The Bible, which is God's word, is my ultimate source of strength and truth. It's where I go on good days to be reminded of God's loving plan, and it's the thing I cling to on bad days to remind me of God's providential care. </p><p>I'm very thankful that God has helped me to be content in my circumstances, to learn to trust him more, and deepen my faith in the midst of all my struggles and suffering. God may not really care if I weigh 160 or 120 lb, but I <i>know</i> he <b>absolutely</b> does care for me! Because I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, it's hard for me to just try to choose one small thing and focus on accomplishing that. When I wake up in the morning and think about changing something in my life, the conversation in my head looks more like this:</p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>"Okay. Today I will stop eating or drinking anything that's not healthy, eat less overall, exercise at least an hour every day, and get out and do more activities with family and friends. Also, be home in time to make dinner."</i></p><p>That all sounds super easy, right!? Obviously, when I can't accomplish that to 100% perfection, it tends to discourage me and makes me want to give up. My biggest struggle these last few years is realizing that everything is not so black and white. I'm learning to embrace the gray. Today I'm going to focus on one small thing I can do that will be healthier for me, and work to do that. Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll remind myself not to look back at my failures, but to stay present today and focus on one more small thing I can do. God's mercy is new every morning!</p><p>I'm reminded of the song from Santa Claus Is Coming To Town where the lyrics say:</p><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Put one foot in front of the other,<br />and soon you'll be walking across the floor.<br />Put one foot in front of the other,<br />and soon you'll be walking out the door.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nsADDiT5-R0/YPGx6iyMLLI/AAAAAAABHp8/uUQZaw_KsQ8M095qAstnLekhuVDv40dNQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1443/Santa%2BClaus%2Bis%2BComing%2Bto%2BTown.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1443" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nsADDiT5-R0/YPGx6iyMLLI/AAAAAAABHp8/uUQZaw_KsQ8M095qAstnLekhuVDv40dNQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Santa%2BClaus%2Bis%2BComing%2Bto%2BTown.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Walking across the floor</td></tr></tbody></table><p><br /></p><p>Do you set goals for yourself? Do you set yourself up to fail like I do? What one small thing can you do today to make a bigger difference down the road? Share with us in the comments!</p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time</p><p>~Shari</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-50689389618441888622021-06-11T10:40:00.001-05:002022-06-21T08:35:30.220-05:00OUCH!<p>All of us 1980's kids, probably remember when that little alien came on the scene. No, not ALF, the other one. You know who I mean! The 1982 film, E. T. the Extra Terrestrial, was a heart warming story of friendship. Of course, thinking of friendship with an alien sounds, well, alien. If you haven't seen it, go now and watch. I'll wait.</p><p>Aliens were about the only thing that didn't happen this past year (although the US military has acknowledged some unidentified flying objects, and leaked video footage, so who knows!) The past year and a half have been difficult, to say the least. A global pandemic lead to unprecedented shutdowns. Illness, death, lost jobs and businesses, isolation, riots and looting, and some natural disasters as well, lead to day after day of seemingly bad and painful news. No one remained untouched by these recent events. We have all suffered in one way or another.</p><p>Today in Illinois, we officially "reopen" without any pandemic restrictions, for the first time since March 2020. There is reason to be excited about getting back to normal, and yet some of us might not be ready to throw away our masks and pretend like none of this happened. I have shared in previous posts about the need for love, grace and patience as we deal with each other. This has all been painful and traumatic, more so for some than others. </p><p>You all probably know my love for all things medical. I have my "armchair MD" degree, mostly due to my own health issues, and my love of research. Like most other relevant medical topics in my life, I kept up with the research on COVID-19 as it became available. You are well aware of the need to find reliable sources for all of our news. Ignorance and untruth abounds on the internet! We ALL had to weigh the facts, consider our own health and family situation, and make difficult choices these past 14+ months. </p><p>If you have followed any part of my health journey, you might know that we have been to Mayo several times, and are set to return again this September. I am currently on a "drug holiday" (as the doctor called it), and not taking any treatment. I am currently going through a particularly difficult, painful, downhill path in my disease process the last couple of months that has me reevaluating my treatment options. I hurt everywhere! Widespread joint and muscle pain, as well as worsening neurological symptoms make me think it may be time to consider if more medication is necessary.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1SM0O9jgdKc/YMNfyJ7QuMI/AAAAAAABHc0/5YdzyKMNCL43MY8XjwJNgzgzBnn5m6wMgCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/E.T..png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1SM0O9jgdKc/YMNfyJ7QuMI/AAAAAAABHc0/5YdzyKMNCL43MY8XjwJNgzgzBnn5m6wMgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/E.T..png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>In the past, I have had to weigh a number of factors in deciding which treatment to try (or not). My disease is rare, and so the research is sparse, ongoing, and thus hard to decipher at times. It is not easy to make a choice to take a chemotherapy drug that comes with lots of health risks, when the scientific studies were only able to try it on a handful of patients. Many of you have probably made decisions that seem to have no "right' answer and it can be heart-wrenching, or perhaps have disastrous consequences. This new coronavirus pandemic gave us all a taste of what it is like to have a disease no one knows much about. Studies are needed, but take time, and leave a lot of unanswered questions as we make decisions about our health.</p><p>It is normal for us to have our emotions and feelings sway our decisions. It is hard sometimes to trust the facts. The most recent research of COVID-19 and the mRNA vaccines seem to suggest that they are very effective at preventing serious illness and death, even with the current variants. (<a href="https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19">I recommend CIDRAP for trustworthy research, and a great podcast too</a>) After 14 months of caution, worry, masks, bad news reports, shutdowns and everything else, it can be very difficult to set aside the difficult emotions we have had, and trust the science. Some will be totally comfortable jumping in the deep end of the pool. Others have never gotten out of the pool. Still others are slathered in sunscreen, and just starting to dip a toe in the shallow wading pool. We need to extend grace to each other as we wade back into life, at our own pace. Encouragement, support and love are called for here, not judgment and ridicule!</p><p>God made us emotional beings. We should feel things deeply, however we cannot <i>trust</i> our feelings to be the basis of our decision making. Feelings may tell us it is unsafe to drive after watching hours of car crashes, and reviewing accident data. Science and engineering data may help us to trust the braking system in our cars. Those two things are seemingly at odds with each other. Most of us will trust the car to work as we expected, and yet many might still be anxious while driving or being a passenger in a vehicle. We have to move past emotion in many situations. The Bible tells us that "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7).</p><p>That is <i>not</i> to say that we shove our emotions down deep and ignore them, but we also can't trust our emotions completely. I feel lots of pain, and that makes me feel sad. I feel like I can't do things I want to do, and that makes me feel like I can't contribute in a meaningful way. I could keep going with the "I feel" sentences, but what I <i><b>know</b></i> is that God is faithful. God is sovereign "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) He is trustworthy, my feelings are <i>not</i>. I have to function in the space where I feel all the feelings, but can still <b><i>trust</i></b> Him enough to step off the diving board in faith, without drowning in my emotions.</p><p>I am struggling right along with all of you. It has been a ROUGH year in so many ways! Pray that we all learn to trust God more fully, love each other more in humility, and forgive others as we have been forgiven. Pray for those who have not yet trusted in Christ alone for salvation. Pray we all suffer well, in a manner worthy of our calling, and in a manner that brings glory to God!</p><p>Until Next Time</p><p>~Shari</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-39047740570570410262021-02-07T14:41:00.002-06:002022-06-21T08:35:39.460-05:00Counting Our Blessings<p>I should be used to the frequent monkey wrench being thrown into our lives, and the past couple of weeks have been no exception! I called my urologist back on Friday, January 22nd to tell him I think I was passing a kidney stone. (This was #21 for me, so I keep him on speed dial). If you have been getting church prayer requests, or FB updates, you may want to skip to the end and see where we are now.<br /><br />He ordered some meds and testing to confirm my diagnosis (I was correct), and I settled in at home praying that I could pass this stone without much additional intervention needed (I did).....and then came the monkey wrench. On Thursday, January 28th the doctor called and said that my right kidney (not the one that was hurting) showed a decent sized stone (making this one #22). He said that he would prefer to proactively schedule lithotripsy (a shockwave ultrasound procedure that breaks up the stone into smaller sand-like particles). I REALLY didn't want to, because I have done it a couple times before, and had some discomfort. My pain was better, as I passed stone #21, and wasn't looking forward to undergoing more treatment, especially during the pandemic. After a lengthy debate with my doctor, who stressed that if we did nothing and waited, he placed odds at 50/50 that I could pass a stone this large without intervention. We didn't really want it to become an emergency, so I relented and scheduled the lithotripsy for Tuesday, February 2nd.<br /><br />The procedure went well, and I was rejoicing when the doctor said a stent was not necessary. They are very irritating and unpleasant, so I felt like I dodged a bullet. The next couple of days I was resting at home, and coping with the pain but it gradually worsened. By Wednesday overnight, I told Chad something wasn't going well, as pain was getting out of control, and urine production had slowed. By Thursday morning, pain level was at 10/10, even with oral pain meds I had left, so off to the emergency room we went. After a 3 hour wait in the waiting room, writhing in pain, moaning and crying. Trust me, I have a high tolerance for pain and low tolerance for drawing attention to myself. For me to be in a crowded waiting room making a "scene" is a good indication of my level of misery. We had a new CT scan and quickly realized a larger chunk of my now broken up #22 stone, combined with my "smaller than normal anatomy", had wedged itself in the ureter just outside the kidney, and was blocking the flow of urine.<br /><br />We love analogies and visual aids in our house, mostly Chad likes them when I try to communicate nerdy science/medical info. This week has been the following two charts. One indicating my pain level:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6xp5fwSS2p0/YCA4bN688mI/AAAAAAABGvc/-JWyc6Vop9cpVN1wsks3KUDuLrH8OHdnQCLcBGAsYHQ/s512/Pain.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="265" data-original-width="512" height="208" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6xp5fwSS2p0/YCA4bN688mI/AAAAAAABGvc/-JWyc6Vop9cpVN1wsks3KUDuLrH8OHdnQCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h208/Pain.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The other one helped indicate the problem with the kidney stone blocking my kidney function, made specifically for the beer lover, like Chad. haha </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s3BDv0dZ9vs/YCA59SX9tHI/AAAAAAABGvo/ATJF83w5rIEChSw47nlkxL0L1ic-N0axQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1588/beer.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1588" data-original-width="1588" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s3BDv0dZ9vs/YCA59SX9tHI/AAAAAAABGvo/ATJF83w5rIEChSw47nlkxL0L1ic-N0axQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/beer.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I am thankful to report I am currently back to a blonde ale coloring, hovering only around a 3 on the pain scale with at home meds. Yay!<br /><br /><br />Thursday, as I sat in the ER waiting room, praying for mercy for myself, I heard one announcement after another, that reminded me that I am not the only one suffering. During that time, 5 or 6 ambulances incoming, 2 stroke team alerts, and a code blue. God gently reminded me that not one of us expects today to be a day of pain or loss, but for many it will be. So, I began to pray for those other families who were worried and waiting, separated from their loved ones during covid also.<br /><br />Much to our dismay, the ER did the scan as the doctor wanted, gave me a dose of IV pain meds that brought from a 10 to about a 5, then promptly sent me home all in about 2 hours. They refused to give me a pain medication prescription, due to the "opioid epidemic", and sent me home knowing I had only 3 pills left. I was told to take Tylenol if needed, which is laughable! (this whole opioid topic is a much longer rant, but I will just say as a chronic pain sufferer, millions of patients are being denied drugs that once made their lives livable, because some have abused them. Hopefully they start to come to a more realistic stance and let these pills help those who need them)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The urologist added me to his schedule for surgery on Saturday to unblock my kidney. He was happy to do this, in frigid weather, on his day off, and I am truly thankful. Unfortunately, when the at home pills ran out, so did my ability to tolerate being an 8/10 on the pain scale by Friday after lunch. So the doctor sent me back to the ER to be admitted to the hospital, where they could "better manage my pain" at CDH, until the procedure Saturday. (Sorry to keep ranting, but literally a prescription for a handful of pain meds, could have kept me more comfortable at home than a night in hospital with IV morphine, which is a MUCH a stronger narcotic, and the whole thing makes no sense to me)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My wait time in the ER at Central Dupage was only about 30 minutes. It was just long enough for a homeless couple to come in, asking to be tested for covid, saying they were seeking shelter from the brutally cold temps outside. God once again opened my eyes to those suffering around me. In the midst of all of this, I have also chatted with dozens of healthcare workers, who all shared a sense of fatigue in this pandemic, and I knew I haven't prayed enough for all of them either.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">God really used the last couple of weeks to reveal my own failings, and to reveal the love He has for us, using others to be His hands and feet to carry that love to us in a tangible way. I realized my own health issues can be overwhelming, and make me self-centered to a large degree. I spend a LOT of effort just getting through the day with my normal health struggles. Times like these just make the facade crack and reveal, once again, I am still striving, planning, trying to manage it all in my own strength, feeling that I have to keep all the plates spinning in my well organized little world without help. God graciously opens my eyes to see the struggling, the hurting, the needy all around me, and wake me out of my comfortable, scheduled life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Today I am beyond thankful to have a beautiful home with heat (upon waking this morning the temperature outside was -15 with wind chill "feels like" temp of -35). I am grateful for the medical staff who have worked so hard to provide excellent care. I am reminded to pray fervently for so many others. Let us praise God for working in our hearts, getting our eyes off ourselves and our problems, and bringing us to our knees in prayer and reliance upon Him.</span><br /><p style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He has also dealt graciously with my sin. I am very "self-sufficient" (in my mind anyways), and accepting offers of help doesn't come easy. I don't want to be a burden, or pitied, or an inspiration, and so I tend to just plug along without help, trying to blog my story to remind myself and everyone else that ultimately it is God, and Him alone, who deserve all the praise and glory! He alone is our source of provision and strength. This week He has sustained me with so many words of encouragement (prayers, texts, emails and calls) and many offers of help. (</span>Incredibly<span style="font-family: inherit;"> thankful for the church Meal Train page they set up, so I don't have to worry about meals for the next couple of weeks) I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for Chad and I (and even our adult children RΓan</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; text-align: left;"> and Katherine). Truly, from the bottom of our hearts, Thank you! </span></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; text-align: left;">From family, our closest friends, all the way to distant acquaintances, you all showed up for us in the midst of a crisis. I hate feeling like a burden on someone else's busy, stressful schedule, many of whom are very likely suffering in their own way. I have NOT been made to feel like a burden, rather the opposite as so many of you wanted so badly to "do something" and this was a way to bless us and serve in a way that we all experience God's goodness. <br /><br />God has really healed my heart to see how we can set aside our differences, "being there" when needed, and focus back on the truly important things. I have seen that suffering has a way of healing in these ways and more. God has been at work in my heart, and given me a glimpse of that heavenly unity that awaits ALL of those who have placed their faith in Christ. Unity is definitely not a word defining our current cultural climate, but we still have hope that is found in Christ.</span><br /></span></p></div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I pray that each of us might look to God in faith, and repent, placing our faith in Christ alone for our salvation. Always remembering that He alone is in sovereign control over our lives, in good times and bad. Join me in praying for all whose paths I crossed in a brief way this week, and glimpsed a bit of their suffering as well. None of us wake up thinking this will be the day that our world will fall apart with an ambulance ride, a stroke alert, code blue, or even homelessness, but for many people that will be their day today, and we all need Christ. </span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">~Until Next Time</span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Shari</span><br /></span><p><br /></p></div>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-4042508276952186412021-01-28T13:39:00.005-06:002022-06-21T08:35:49.189-05:00Undone in Twenty-One<p>The book of Job, in the Bible, is my favorite. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the story of Job, he was described as a "blameless and upright" man who "feared God and turned away from evil." He was a wealthy landowner, who had several children, and a seemingly close family. He prayed for his children regularly. While I highly suggest you read through the book, especially the early chapters to get a feel for Job's life, I will summarize by saying that Job had a very good life. Then God allowed Satan to tempt Job. I will just stop for a second here to explain that NOTHING that happens in our lives is outside of God's control. Satan needed permission to test Job, but to be clear it is Satan doing the tempting, not God. Satan assumed as soon as things started going south for Job, he would curse God and turn from his faith. (Spoiler alert: Satan was wrong)<br /><br />Job had a series of catastrophes occur. Raiding troops, fire and wind storms took his livestock, his servants, and then Job's children. While he mourned such great loss, he praised God and trusted Him saying, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Despite all that happened, Job trusted God. He knew that all of life's blessings come from God's loving hands, and he knew that God was sovereign over all of it. Satan tried harder and struck Job with boils and sores that itched. He was miserable, scratching his wounds with broken pottery. Job still did not curse God, even though his wife urged him to "curse God and die."</p><p>I won't pretend that my life compares with Job's. By some standards, I may live an "upright" life. Compared to much of the world, we are "rich". We might be seen as having an abundance like Job had. We have family we love, great friends, a nice house, and good neighbors. Thankfully I have a supporting husband who has encouraged my faith, not pushed me to abandon it, as Job's wife did.</p><p>Unlike Job, I have not known the loss of children, or all I possess. Though this past year brought us a long term unemployment, which has eaten our savings, it pales in comparison to Job's immense loss. Also unlike Job, I have discovered a misplaced trust in our security. Chad has worked hard and we saved up for future emergencies. We were trying to be good stewards of all that God has given us, and savings is a great idea (I do not mean to imply that it is wrong). I only bring it up to confess that I allowed a false sense of "self-security" to creep in by growing the balance of my savings, only to have to swept away like Job's possessions. What are we left with when that which we trusted in is gone? </p><p>I was recently reminded of a story from Exodus chapter 16. The Israelites, whom were <i>just</i> delivered by God from Egypt, grumbled and complained that they were brought out to the desert to starve to death. God gave them manna from heaven (literally showered them with sweet bread). They were instructed to take each day the amount they needed to sustain them for that day (the only exception being that they could gather an extra serving so they didn't work on the Sabbath). God provided for them, even though they were ungrateful. He gave them bread, but they decided they wanted meat. So, God gave them meat, SO much of it that they gorged themselves until they threw up!</p><p>They gathered more manna than they needed for one day, trying to "save it up" and make sure they had extra (their own little emergency fund, if you will). They had been warned not to gather extra, and when they awoke the next day, they found it stinky and worm infested.<br /></p><p>I have not gone hungry (perhaps the opposite is true during this covid period). My "grumbling and complaining" was more of a "whimpering and pleading" and <i><b>always</b></i> about my health. It is not the nerve disease (CIDP) or even the paralyzed leg that wears me down. It isn't the inability to go and to do the things I once enjoyed. Most days it isn't even the chronic back and neck pain. It is simply the "one more thing" that has me in sackcloth and ashes like Job. It is the common place or mundane ailment that becomes the straw that breaks the camels back for me. <br /></p><p>It is the latest migraine, the diverticulitis, the kidney stone, the coronavirus, or the sinus infection (all have happened in the last 6 months). It is that small little sickness that happens <b>in addition to</b> my "normal" health struggles that lays me bare before a mighty God. That "one more thing" that brings me to my knees in prayer, begging for mercy. That "one more thing" that makes all the busyness of the world stop, drowns out all the noise, and gets my eyes fixed squarely upon Christ, my only hope. It seems to always take that "one more thing" to get my attention directed back to God and away from myself, my worries, my planning for tomorrow.</p>It is that "one more thing" that reminds me that tomorrow has enough cares of it's own (Matthew 6:34). Today, I get my daily bread, one portion of manna needed to get through this day, not tomorrow. I get grace enough to stand up under the tremendous burden, not in my own strength, but in God's strength.....one more day. For in my weakness, His strength shines through. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) <p>God gives each of us our daily portion <i>every single day</i>. We recite this in the Lord's prayer, which says "give us our daily bread" not tomorrow's bread or next week's bread, but enough for today. He is truly enough. </p><p>If you have ever received an email from me, you may notice the verse from Job 13:15, which reads "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." I hope you might read some of the story that I shared with you today. I pray that you too might find grace and strength in Christ today, and let tomorrow worry about itself. May God cause you to trust in Him, no matter your circumstances.<br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U0iHaQDKciw/YBMS0GEpqEI/AAAAAAABGpE/0FrRpqyLyQswuptnpodIQPv88t-GqAFawCLcBGAsYHQ/s259/broken.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U0iHaQDKciw/YBMS0GEpqEI/AAAAAAABGpE/0FrRpqyLyQswuptnpodIQPv88t-GqAFawCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/broken.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time<br />~Shari</p><p>P.S. God restores double to Job at the end of the book, which you can read about in chapter 42!</p><p><br /></p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-27664568861213982742020-11-10T21:12:00.001-06:002021-01-06T12:10:31.889-06:00(UN)Happy Valley<p> I am not sure if anyone else uses this term, but my husband and I tend to call a sleepy, small and safe town (like the one we live in) "happy valley". If you live in a "happy valley", you probably know your neighbors, and maybe don't always lock your doors. You might feel somewhat isolated from big city crime and possibly let your kids play outside without much concern. Recently the term "happy valley" has come to my mind several times. I don't know where we first heard the term. A quick Google search reveals there is an actual town named Happy Valley just outside Portland, Oregon (who knew?). I didn't see a Wikipedia article explaining it the way we use the term, so maybe it isn't a common expression!</p><p>I am not even sure how we came to think of a valley as a happy place. Most everyone has heard the familiar words of Psalm 23 verse 4 that read:</p><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I will fear no evil,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>for you are with me;</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>your rod and your staff,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>they comfort me.</i></div><p></p><p>This valley doesn't sound all too happy! Although we can fear no evil, with God by our side, and trust him to comfort us. Valleys most frequently used to tell of the low times we go through. Scripture often uses imagery to paint a picture of an idea. Picturing "the valley of the shadow of death" paints a pretty dark picture. Mountain tops are often used as illustrations of a closeness to God, while being in the valley is more desolate.<br /><br /></p><p>This year has been overwhelming for most people on so many levels. Political divides, riots, unemployment, worldwide pandemic, and even murder hornets are on the news day after day. Just one of those things is enough to bring us to our knees in prayer, and all of them at once seem almost too difficult to bear up under.</p><p><br />I have had a difficult couple of months myself. Worsening (and virtually continuous pain) is hard enough to handle. It is amplified by the disconnection from friends and family that the coronavirus has caused, and my husband's loss of his job. On top of that, I continue to struggle physically with doing things I enjoy or even chores that must be done. My body does not always cooperate with my to-do list!</p><p><br />When we came home from our Mayo Clinic trip in September, I brought home COVID-19 as a souvenir. I had a fairly mild case, but there were still a few difficult days followed by extreme fatigue. Just as I started to come up for air, I had a mild flu or a bad cold which knocked me down again. Each illness has ripple effects as I seem to lose a little more stamina, bounce back a little slower than I once did, and do not quite make it all the way to 100%. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Lately it feels like I am in a valley, darkened by the forest canopy that blocks the sun. It doesn't feel like a "happy valley" and yet I am comforted. God <i>is</i> with me, regardless of how I <i>feel</i>. Each step of the way, as I am learning to let go of my plans, dreams, desires, and abilities, God has given me peace. Every painful step has been taken intentionally, moving me onward instead of remaining stagnant. I am not "happy" in the midst of all of this, but am able to have a joyful heart. One day I will look up and see the sun, realizing that my journey has brought me out of the valley. The nighttime of tears will be replaced with the joy that comes in the morning (Psalm 30).</p><p><br />This year has been long, and we all could use a little sunshine. Hang in there. Morning is coming! Flee to Christ, that you may find comfort and joy in him. Lift up your eyes to the hills, for there is where our help comes from (Psalm 121:1-2). Lift up your eyes and see that the view isn't so bad. Maybe we can rename this place our "Joyful Valley" as God restores to us the joy of our salvation (Psalm 51:12), and lifts our eyes off of our own temporary struggles.<br /><br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0ULyHYEkGao/X6tGTDlEl9I/AAAAAAABGB0/HpWPR1mC78ADdMKgnr7aGofrioQlov9kwCLcBGAsYHQ/s276/valley.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="276" height="212" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0ULyHYEkGao/X6tGTDlEl9I/AAAAAAABGB0/HpWPR1mC78ADdMKgnr7aGofrioQlov9kwCLcBGAsYHQ/w320-h212/valley.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>Until Next Time</div><div>~Shari</div>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-41068762135343634412020-08-30T12:08:00.001-05:002021-01-06T12:10:23.393-06:00If I Died Today (What Would My Friends Say?)<p> A part of me wishes to remain silent. I wonder if speaking even does any good. Will I just be one more voice among the thousands of voices that will likely only be heard by those who already agree with me? Is there any value in speaking up? I hope so.</p><p>After seeing that the term "6%" was trending on Twitter, I looked to see what it was all about. I also quickly found many FB posts regarding the new CDC number breakdowns of all the coronavirus deaths. We have known all along that COVID-19 disproportionately impacts the elderly, people of color, and those with underlying medical conditions (AKA co-morbidity). The numbers did NOT change, but the CDC statistics now clearly show that 6% of the deaths were young, healthy individuals with no underlying medical problems. The other 94% of the deaths involved age and/or health issues; however, the virus is still the reason for their deaths. Heart disease, stroke, diabetes, obesity, and other conditions do make your chances greater for having a serious case of COVID-19, or dying from it. Every one of those deaths was just as much caused by the virus, and every one of those deaths matters!</p><p>If I had contracted the coronavirus and died today, my death would be in that 94% bracket, but I MOST definitely died because of the virus. My neurological condition perhaps puts me in a higher risk category than you of serious illness or death from COVID-19, but my disease by itself is not deadly, thus the virus would still be the precipitating event in my untimely death.</p><p>If I died today, what would my friends say? Sadly based on social media, I think many would say she was "older" and "sick" so she wasn't worth shutting down an economy or wearing a mask. Others would blame the people who are out having parties, not wearing masks, and "don't care about others." Neither would be accurate, but I see both views on display every day. <br /><br /></p><p>The division in our country causes me so much heartache, and I find myself in tears this morning. Sometimes all this bickering is exhausting, and it saddens me to see fellow Christian sharing memes of "sheeple" instead of the gospel. I will continue to pour my heart out to God, but would you join me? May He show us all mercy, and help us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Christian brothers and sisters who say ALL lives matter, surely each and every soul lost to this virus, regardless of any preexisting condition, is a tragedy, most especially those who die apart from Christ.</p><p>How did we become such a polarized and hate-filled nation? I ask myself what part have I played? Maybe you are willing to ask yourself the same thing?</p><p>The facts and truth are harder than ever to discern. As an example, the CDC was once a nonpartisan organization that presented the medical and scientific facts to educate the public. It has recently become more political, changing policy due to politics rather than science.It should concern us ALL that any group/organization/company would only speak along party lines, never listening to the other side. We must be vigilant and discerning, my dear friends! <br /><br />While we live in an age of information overload, the truth gets lost in a sea of rhetoric and misinformation, but we have a duty to speak and defend the truth. Especially as a Christian, I know the importance of studying and searching to uncover the truth, being slow to rush to judgment or point fingers. May God help us all to listen, discern, and seek the truth! May it start with me. May God give wisdom and humility freely to all who ask, as they are both much needed!<br /><br />You who are angry and tired of fighting in the midst of injustice and inequity. I hear you and I see you. Would you share your personal experience and pain you have felt from racism with me? Would you allow me to share my concerns and fears as well? Can we move forward together, giving each other grace to grow and learn?</p><p>You are fearful that your rights are being striped away, and the government is taking your freedoms. I hear you and I see you. Would you join me in praying for our nation? Will you tell me what worries you the most? Can I share with you how hot and uncomfortable wearing a mask is, but also explain how it can help protect me, and makes me feel like you care for me? Might we come together in our love for Christ and one another, extending grace as we grow and learn? <br /><br />Please don't turn a deaf ear to your neighbor! Maybe we can all agree that these are difficult times! We must be slow to anger, slow speak, and quick to listen. Seek the facts, and the science, and then filter them all through the Scriptures. Be willing to hear the pain and stories of others, showing compassion. Turn off the news/social media and go start a dialogue with your neighbors. Each of us has differing views, unique experiences, and contrasting cultural backgrounds, yet we might all find unity in Christ, and I pray that we will. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3648" data-original-width="5472" height="267" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5LPF5tvWrlA/X0vYr0Sg9II/AAAAAAABFIQ/mt5gYmqIccI-CSPP0dC5bPf7XEUMkcI2gCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h267/Training%2B%2528Sunday%2Band%2BMonday%2529%2B%252818%2529.JPG" title="Join me in praying for our nation!" width="400" /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><p>Until Next Time~</p><p>Shari</p><p><br /></p><p>P.S. If you made it this far in reading my post, please pray for our upcoming trip back to Mayo Clinic September 8-10. Will post some updates afterwards!</p>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-86527282369241980942020-07-03T10:15:00.001-05:002021-01-06T12:10:14.526-06:00Shattered ComfortWhat can I say about the start of 2020 that you haven't already been made aware? Global pandemic, protests, riots, and SO much political bickering it has, quite frankly, become depressing to be on social media at all. Who could have ever predicted that asking to wear a mask would become a political divide? I am not a theologian, politician, or historian. I am a suburban, white, Christian (reformed), woman with a disability, who feels a bit like giving up. What that means exactly, I haven't quite figured out, but what was once my comfortable little corner of the world, now seems disquieted.<div><br /></div><div>Racism has been the topic most recently dividing my social media newsfeed into an "us" and "them." There seems to be no end to those divisive words thrown about on any given topic. I have just been shook from my comfortable suburban life these past few months, which is a good thing. I have said before that my prayer, my desire, is that God might show me areas in my life where my thinking has been wrong. That I might never get too "comfortable" thinking I have it all figured out. I pray He would reveal to me those hard to see personal sins and my lack of concern and compassion. Give wisdom in areas of ignorance, and grace to change wrong beliefs. Lately, I have prayed for forgiveness in turning a blind eye. So easy to get wrapped up in ourselves, our family, our problems, and forget there are others.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am sure we all have our favorite spot to sit and read, or that well-worn seat where we wrap ourselves in a blanket and binge watch our favorite show. We have our routines. Each family settles into their "normal" busy lives. We get very comfortable there, don't we? There is a sense in which we think that other people's lives look much the same....or maybe we don't think of their lives at all.<br /><br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zs224UtKl9M/Xv817TBI_kI/AAAAAAABENQ/Tpu2L6rTyxoSdEntJLqqXzpzBUsQBT2-wCK4BGAsYHg/s5044/PIXNIO-230777-5044x3455.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3455" data-original-width="5044" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Zs224UtKl9M/Xv817TBI_kI/AAAAAAABENQ/Tpu2L6rTyxoSdEntJLqqXzpzBUsQBT2-wCK4BGAsYHg/s320/PIXNIO-230777-5044x3455.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>I have noticed the defensive posture many of us take on social media (a posture we may not be so bold in maintaining if we were face to face). Someone calls mask-wearers sheep, or non-mask-wearers are heartless people who don't care if they infect others. It is hard not to put up your shield when approached in such a strong way. We may feel the posts on racism don't include us. Our comfortable live is shaken thinking about some of these issues. And it <i>should</i> be!</div><div><br /></div><div>If our first thought on any issue is to indignantly reply, "Not me!" instead of taking a close and honest look at our lives and hearts, we have chosen a prideful and dangerous response. I have learned so much about the virus, studied medical journals, read peer-reviewed studies, learned about COVID-19 as the doctors around the world are learning about it. I have also read YOUR posts, both sides of the debate, and then I have tried to form my own (hopefully wise) opinions. BUT I hold that all loosely! So much is still unknown about this new virus. I cannot dogmatically hold firm to what I believed 2 months ago, because new information is coming in that changes that. I must be willing to learn and change also.</div><div><br /></div><div>The same is true of the recent talks of racism and the Black Lives Matter movement. I have learned more in the last few weeks about black history, reading personal stories from people of color, and have more fully realized that all of our experiences are NOT the same. We do not all have the comfortable suburban life. We do not all have the same struggles or opportunities. I do not think all white people are racist. I do think <i>all</i> people of <i>all</i> colors need to be willing to learn and listen. If someone accuses you of being a racist, I understand the tendency to assume the defensive posture. No one thinks of themselves as a bigot, but we do <i>all</i> have biases. We all have difference experiences/backgrounds which shape our worldview. We must begin to understand that our lives, in fact, do NOT all look the same on a day to day basis.</div><div><br /></div><div>This hasn't been on the news much if at all, but there have definitely been other forms of discrimination made clear to me these past few months as well. Ageism and Ableism. <br /><br /><b>Ageism</b>: "Ageism is the stereotyping and discrimination of individuals or groups on the basis of their age; ageism can take many forms, including prejudicial attitudes, discriminatory practices or institutional policies that perpetuate stereotypical beliefs." <i>(source World Health Organization)</i><br /><br /><b>Ableism</b>: "Ableism is the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. At its heart, ableism is rooted in the assumption that people require 'fixing' and defines people by their disability. Like racist and sexism, ableism classifies entire groups of people as 'less than,' and includes harmful stereotypes, misconceptions, and generalizations of people with disabilities."</div><div><i>(source accessliving.org)</i><br /><br />I am saddened to see how hard hit nursing homes and group homes for individuals with disabilities have been hit. To be clear, these are not the expensive, private homes that you may see in the upper-middle class neighborhoods. These are the state and federally funded homes that Medicare covers. Places like my grandmother lived. I remember the horrible smell, and the patients left sitting alone in the hallway. Others wandering around half dressed, and seemingly uncared for. We only went to visit her a few times. Our society doesn't place a whole lot of value on the "old" or the "infirmed". If you can't contribute or produce, you don't have much value. That may seem harsh, maybe you feel that impulse to assume a defensive stance. You may not feel that way about your own mother, but that doesn't mean you aren't ageist, much the same as having a black friend doesn't mean you aren't racist. </div><div><br /></div><div>People with disabilities are an often overlooked and neglected group as well. Homes like I mentioned above are frequently places of abuse. The National Institutes of Health estimates 1 in 10 are abused in settings like this. Are you aware of this? Recently a <a href="https://www.liveaction.org/news/texas-disability-dies-doctors-refuse-covid-19" target="_blank">man who was living in a care home</a> like this was allowed to die of COVID without treatment, because doctors deemed his quality of life not worth saving.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I have personally experienced ableism (and sexism, but that is a story for a different day!). The ableist says things like: <span style="text-align: center;">"Such a shame, you're too young to be stuck in that chair" or </span><span style="text-align: center;">"I would want to kill myself if I had to deal with what you are going through." (real life examples)</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes it is blatantly obvious, other times it is more subtle. Maybe just a superior attitude of "I can do it better/easier" or condescending "you poor thing." People talk to me like I am 3 years old sometimes, "Look at you, doing that all by yourself." It is more than just words, but again, a systemic problem. Society as a whole does not give any thought to people who are not the same as them. In this case, not the color of my skin, but the ability of my body. Could be missing limbs, or paralysis. Might be a developmental issue or genetic disease that cause you to move, act, speak differently or not at all. Maybe you are deaf or hard of hearing. The world around us is built by and for people who look and move a certain way....."normal."</div><div><br /></div><div>I have not counted, but conservatively half of the places I go have accessibility issues. Even places that have been made by laws to add an accessible bathroom, block the hallway with chairs or boxes. The worst is all the hospitals and doctors that have step-on garbage cans in the accessible bathroom (I have mentioned this issue before). Recently I had a test done at a local hospital and the bathroom in the room had the handicapped accessible plaque. Unfortunately, it was an old surgical room turned into the testing site, and the sink only had step-on (foot controlled) water. I can stand, but am not stable. Just trying to balance on one foot to step on something to wash my hands is very difficult, and puts me at risk for falling. Others may not have use of their legs, and would be unable to clean up after using the bathroom. I came out after my ordeal, and mentioned to the tech about the foot pedals not being accessible, and they should fix the bathroom to be ADA compliant or removed their sign. Her response is an example of ableism. </div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">She replied, "It has a grab bar, so that makes it accessible."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Me, "No, much more is needed for a bathroom to be accessible. If I have no use of my legs, how do I wash my hands?"</div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">She thought for a minute and said, "Maybe the person who hung the sign didn't think about someone having legs that don't work, do you think that's it?"</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">me *blink* *blink* "Yeah, I think that's it."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>This seems like a battle I can't win. Maybe you think that ignorance doesn't mean you are ableist. Maybe you are right. Maybe you are wrong. My main point about all of this is that we don't need to attend a white nationalist rally to be racist, or knock little old ladies down in the street to ageist. We need to open our eyes to see the differences around us (color/race, age, sex, ability, etc.), acknowledge and honor those differences. Recognize that when you say "all lives matter" it doesn't excuse ignorance of the situation. All people's lives do matter. Absolutely! And because they do, they are worth our time to get to know, to learn about their struggles, to love, and to treat like a fellow human being. Stop using terms like "us" and "them" and start seeing all of us and "we."</div><div><br /></div><div>So far, 2020 has been the perfect storm in a sense. Isolation during the shutdown. Perhaps fear of the virus, or for loss of liberty. The nation watched George Floyd being killed, and the desire for justice gave way to protests and riots. We all want to be heard and seen. Take some time to learn about people that are different from you, if all our lives matter.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is so easy to stay in our comfortable corners of the world, and pay little attention to things that don't impact us. Lately I feel shaken, broken even. There is SO much injustice, so much passing the blame, so little self-reflection. <br /><br />So, I pray. </div><div><br /></div><div>I pray for myself. May my eyes continued to be open, and may God show me how to contribute in a meaningful way. May He continue to guard my tongue, helping me to respond in love to people who show me ableist attitudes. I pray He helps me to truly see and hear the people created in His image; to love them as He loved me.<br /><br />I pray for all of you also. May each of you set down your shield, and be willing to read things from the other person's perspective. May we all compare these things to God's word, being willing to grow, change, and repent in areas where needed. May we seek to reconcile and love those across the divide. </div><div><br /></div><div>I pray for the US, that we might not just go back to our comfortable pre-pandemic lives, and forget all that 2020 has revealed to us. May God be glorified in our lives, and throughout the world!<br /><br />Until Next Time~<br />Shari</div>Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-90612568142566972642020-03-15T08:33:00.001-05:002020-08-30T21:15:38.224-05:00We're Not CrazyBy now, unless you live in a cave, you have surely heard of the COVID-19 "novel coronavirus". The divide in America that I have mentioned before, is now focused on the virus instead of politics, but it still gets ugly very quickly! So, whenever I have a lot of thoughts gathering in my brain, I blog about them. I thought I would add my non-medical two cents worth to this whole ordeal (aren't you lucky).<br />
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<b>1. </b>"Panic Buying" - Stores are relatively empty of virtually all kinds of grocery items, and definitely out of hand sanitizer, face masks and toilet paper by now. My first point that we should consider, is that people are SCARED. This fear reveals the worst of humanity, the total depravity of man shows itself clearly as shoppers fight over toilet paper. Please pause and consider the shopper behind you who may not be able to get basic supplies they need for survival. If you weren't concerned about the virus at all, you may now be worried about the lack of food, and resulting ripples throughout the economy.<br />
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If you have seen people shopping with masks and gloves, it is not always because of fear. Slowing the spread of the virus is not just to protect yourself. There are individuals that are at greater risk for contracting the illness. Some must wear masks to protect themselves or their children, so please be kind. It is so easy to laugh and think they are being ridiculous, <a href="https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/mother-of-high-risk-son-publicly-shamed-for-wearing-medical-mask/2240968/" target="_blank">like this mother who experienced shaming</a> as she shopped for her family.<br />
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This is an opportunity for the body of Christ to reach out with the only message that can calm a soul, the healing balm of the Gospel. As a Christian, I should be wise, educate myself about the virus, be considerate of others and try not to spread the virus. I should recognize this fear, be understanding, listen, and spread the love of Christ instead. Hopefully we can all give consideration to others, and share some of our excess supplies with those who may have very little.<br />
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Another thing to consider about the excessive hoarding is the fact there are people with compromised immune systems that <i>need</i> some of the items that were bought in large quantity in the early days. (<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/mar/10/as-coronavirus-spreads-i-am-terrified-that-australias-fear-and-greed-could-cost-my-son-his-life" target="_blank">Read this article</a> for a personal perspective). This leads to my next point....<br />
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<b>2. </b>"Price Gouging" - The market generally allows manufacturers and store owners to recognize demand for certain items. They lower prices to help get things sold that aren't selling (think clearance racks). They raise prices to slow sales when items are flying off shelves, while they increase production. Times like this bring out the greed in our society. Some people in an effort to make a lot of money, bought supplies so they could turn around and sell them for a huge profit. (This guy is <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/14/technology/coronavirus-purell-wipes-amazon-sellers.html" target="_blank">stuck with 17,700 bottles of hand sanitizer</a>) Again, this is our opportunity to share with those in need.<br />
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Under this heading, while I mentioned greed, I thought I could add the fact that almost immediately scams popped up regarding the virus. Selling useless/fake products, including offers of cures and vaccines. Please check for the facts from a reliable source like the <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html" target="_blank">Centers for Disease Control</a> (CDC)<br />
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<b>3. </b>"Down Playing the Seriousness" - If you aren't concerned about the virus at all, then I think you need to read more about it. It is new, which is why it is called "novel". A couple months ago, they knew nothing about the virus. As experts try to learn quickly, they offer the best practices from the data they have received. I have seen many posts about people overreacting for no reason, or the flu killing more people each year. This virus doesn't have a year's worth of data. As far as all the closures being an overreaction, I would say they are not. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/12/world/europe/12italy-coronavirus-health-care.html" target="_blank">Italy is literally choosing</a> which patients get to use the available medical equipment (like ventilators) and which ones die. The US response is meant to slow or stop the spread of the virus so that it does not overwhelm the medical system. The virus is deadly, and while you might be young and healthy with mild symptoms, you can still spread it to others for whom it may be life threatening. To these people, this is a very big deal!<br />
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As a side note, please know that even if the virus doesn't end up affecting millions of people does NOT mean it was no big deal! It does mean that all the actions taken (closing businesses/schools, social distancing, washing your hands, etc) DID work, and the disease was starved of hosts. We should be thankful for that and not smug that you were right.<br />
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You may have also seen ageism and ableism rear it's ugly head with subtle comments like "it <i>only</i> affects the elderly and sick" or the not so subtle use of the term "the boomer remover" to label the virus. Things <a href="https://broadview.org/coronavirus-ageism-ableism/?fbclid=IwAR0D0M0EHrTzcDUaLnaFW1_gFEXwPSB6kkflDNs1jTlEyyiLTVg11Ey9QfQ" target="_blank">like this story</a> are sickening, but again clearly display the sinfulness of man. In the midst of all of this, I hope we can remember that each of us was created in the image of God. As image-bearers, my prayer would be that we might be able to trust Him for our needs; that His Word would bring comfort to our hearts; and His Spirit would prompt us to act in a loving manner towards one another.<br />
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Times like these make it clear that none of us are promised tomorrow. The Bible is clear that "<i>today</i> is the day of salvation." So, you should "choose today whom you will serve" and place your faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Believe that Christ died for your sins and was risen to provide eternal life for all who believe. Repent of your sins. Whether you have toilet paper or not, you can trust that God is in control. Life won't be easy, and you might still feel fearful, but you can absolutely trust Jesus and God's Word, and rest in Him. (2 Corinthians 6:2; Joshua 24:14; Mark 1:15)<br />
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<b>4. </b>Final reminders - Please, brothers and sisters, check on your neighbors, and help where you can. One thing this whole situation has helped me to see is that I should try to keep a few extra pantry goods, so that when something like this happens we have plenty to share with our neighbors in need. What a beautiful testimony to the unsaved world to be a calm and shining light in times like this! Be safe everyone and together we will get through this.<br />
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Until Next Time~<br />
Shari<br />
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<br />Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-86461687748524368942020-02-28T11:59:00.001-06:002020-08-30T21:15:24.348-05:00Who I've BecomeIf you have met me in the last few years, you might be surprised to learn that I used to be somewhat adventurous. While I was never one to be a thrill seeker, I did frequently hop in the car at the last minute for a road trip, or impromptu outing with the kids. As a child, my mom would drive me into Chicago to the Planetarium (it was free back then) just to buy an ice cream sandwich from the vending machine (She swore that brand was better, and not available locally). I think her crazy ideas like this rubbed off on me!<br />
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In fact, if I think back over the years, even though I have always been introverted, there was rarely a day I didn't get out of the house: nature walks, shopping, museums, movies, or just yard work. Slowly over time, as our kids grew up and moved out, and my health declined, getting out of the house seemed less attractive, and more problematic.<br />
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Chad and I were talking about this a couple of days ago, and it has been on my mind ever since. I am very content in my day to day life, but my world has definitely shrunk. I routinely go to church on Sunday, and consider it a victory if I have nowhere to go until church the following Sunday. I still love the outdoors, shopping (especially at thrift stores), and even road trips, BUT (and it is a big but), things have just become much more challenging.<br />
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I can no longer just wake up and decide to be spontaneous, heading out for the day to a local museum or park like we used to do. For starters, on the rare occasion that I feel well enough to head out for the day, there has to be much more planning. Medications, medical devices, mobility equipment, etc. are part of my daily life. I have to think through the outing to decide what needs may arise. How long will we be gone? How far would I have to walk, or is it wheelchair accessible? Is there van accessible parking? (especially if I am alone, because I frequently get stuck unable to deploy the ramp either because there are not enough handicapped spots, or someone has parked in the access aisle/striped lines) The list is LONG.<br />
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Sadly even when we plan the best we can, trips frequently end with an serious increase in pain. Pain rises throughout the day normally, but increased movement and lengthy activities will increase it more rapidly. Sometimes, I do a cost-benefit analysis and decide the trip just isn't worth the pain.<br />
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There is usually some stress and anxiety involved in going somewhere unfamiliar also. Many trips end up disappointing when we discover we can't get around by wheelchair, or there are no bathrooms I can use. Even stores with wheelchair accessible entrances often have narrow or blocked aisles, racks that are too close together and inaccessible bathrooms. Besides being more physically difficult to navigate, it is mentally draining for me as well. I struggle with feeling unwelcome and like I am constantly in other people's way (some of this is my own insecurity, but also because people will literally say it out loud).<br />
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When I do have a "good day" it just seems easier to stay home, where it is comfy and Chad has made it all very accessible to me. I can keep myself occupied with crafts, jigsaw puzzles, puppy cuddles, reading and many other favorite activities within my home. Easier for sure, and it makes me happy π<br />
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Sometimes though, I do miss going out. Frankly, I don't often visit a clothing store to feel the fabrics, browse clearance racks, and try things on just for fun anymore. Having the endurance to do all of that is rare at this point. (even getting my leg brace off and on is quite the workout. The struggle is real, people!) To some degree, my low pain level days seem wasted by going out and struggling to do things that used to be easy and enjoyable....so I just stay home, and use that energy on something that truly is enjoyable.<br />
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A little over 10 years ago, when I was healing from the<a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-continuing-saga-my-life-part-2.html" target="_blank"> life changing surgery on my left leg</a>, I would have never dreamed that I would become a hermit! I have read about disabilities being isolating, and families with special needs children feeling alone, but didn't really understand <i>why, </i>until now.<br />
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I am very thankful that God has given me a contented heart. The introversion I once saw as a huge hindrance, I now see as a true blessing. I don't need a lot of activities or people to have a pleasant day. Seeing a dear friend, talking with family, or keeping busy at home are all real treats. I do know that there are plenty of people in the disability/special needs community who DO need more human interaction. Extroverts are not immune to medical issues, and while I am okay being more isolated than I once was, some people are struggling with loneliness and depression.<br />
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Honestly, this whole issue continues to be a struggle in my marriage. Chad is way more social and adventurous than I am anyways. I don't want him to be miserable never going anywhere, and he doesn't want to make me go somewhere knowing I will be in more pain. We run through ideas, evaluate how I feel, imagine how draining it will be and decide if it is worth it or not. I do more <i>with</i> him and <i>for</i> him than I would ever do on my own. Some days I push myself over that hurdle, get out and enjoy the day with my husband. Sometimes it isn't even as hard as I imagined it would be!<br />
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This unexpected change in my life has been a slow, sanctifying process. I have learned to be truly content, needing little fanfare to keep me entertained. I appreciate the little things in life more. I appreciate friends who are willing to drive to my house for a visit. Maybe you are able to visit a neighbor or friends who is going through something right now and could use an encouraging word, listening ear, or a push to get out of the house. (Don't push too hard, just offer!)<br />
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I am thankful that God has given scientific and technological knowledge to many individuals who bring us new innovations (like the internet), and all the good things that come from that to help us daily. There has never been an easier time to stay home and shop from the comfort of your couch! I am beyond grateful for a Savior, who is ever by my side, good day or bad. Maybe you could bring His word to someone who needs it today!<br />
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Until Next Time~<br />
ShariShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-43443928434912943382020-02-09T14:57:00.003-06:002020-08-30T21:15:02.801-05:00Course CorrectionI am not a sailor, although I did serve in the US Coast Guard Reserves. However, I do know that you need to be able to set a course and use a compass to stay on your heading. When you are on any kind of journey, it is important to know where you are going, and be able to follow directions to get there. Google tells me that being just 1 degree off course will cause you to miss your destination by 1 mile for every 60 miles you travel. Over the span of our lifetime, if we remain just 1 degree off course, the results could be disastrous!<br />
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Those of you who have followed my blog, know we have had a rough couple of years. (That may be a bit of an understatement!) My continuing health issues and physical needs have involved some large financial expenses. We recently experienced another unexpected financial setback. This week's experience has caused me to check my compass and realize that I had subtly and unintentionally drifted off course.<br />
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I dislike change, love to plan, like to be aware of what lies ahead, and feel more secure with a cushion in my savings account. Security is my love language! While none of these things is inherently wrong, it can be easy to get off course. I trust God, and know He provides all that we have. I know He has lovingly guided us through every difficult valley, and upheld us on every joyful mountain top. He alone gives, and He alone takes away.<br />
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So, when this unplanned financial issue came up a few days ago, it brought up a lot of thoughts and feelings. Fear, lack of security, frustration, and worry were quick to rear their ugly heads. I came to realize that my compass was no longer set to true north. My eyes were not fixed upon Christ, but were fixed upon my own plan to feel secure. My need to plan and control had failed me, and I sat wondering how easily I had drifted from my course (again).<br />
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Sitting atop my metaphorical boat, polishing it to a high gloss shine, I failed to make sure I was sailing a straight and sure course. I am thankful that God uses situations in our life to gently remind us to keep our eyes on the right thing: my Savior, Jesus Christ. It is not my planning, or savings account, or health that make me feel secure. Only in Christ is my future secure, and He alone is my only hope in life and death. I am very thankful for this little course correction this week, that I might avoid a more disastrous result down the road. I am in constant need of these reminders to keep my compass pointed north!<br /><br />Have you checked your compass recently? Have you been drifting? Today is a great day to adjust your course, avoiding serious consequences, and place your faith in the One who can bring you safely to your destination.<br />
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Until Next Time~<br />
ShariShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-48018125209636859792019-12-14T12:09:00.002-06:002020-08-30T21:14:47.571-05:00What Kind of Friend Will I Be?After a recent conversation with a dear friend of mine, I was left contemplating friendship. It has been a topic on my mind often the last couple of years, as I wondered what constitutes a good friend. The older I get, the more that definition has shifted for me. Several things have altered my thinking over the years. For starters, being married changed how, when, and why I formed and maintained friendships. It also changed the substance of them, since my husband really is my βbest friendβ.<br />
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As a small child, a friend was simply someone to play with. During grade school, friends were someone to talk to, to sit by in class, to have sleepovers with, and to pass notes to in class. By junior and senior high, the circle of close friends became a smaller, tight-knit group. They knew your secrets, your struggles, your crushes, and your likes and dislikes. You trusted them, sometimes with disastrous results.<br />
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I was pregnant by my 20th birthday. Being a wife and mother at such a young age probably shifted things for me quicker than most, but friends became a sounding board for life's struggles and demands. My friends were the people I spent hours a week talking to on the phone (before cell phones). We laughed and cried together. We shared special moments and hurtful situations.<br />
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At the age of 28, my husband and I became Christians at the same time my health struggles started. Friends became a source of encouragement on top of the above listed things, but over the past 20 years, as I have grown older and learned more about scripture, my definition of friendship has shifted yet again.</div>
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Let's take a look at some things the Bible says about friendship:</div>
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<li>"As God's chosen people.....forgive one another.....as the Lord forgave you." (Col 3:12-14)</li>
<li>Jesus commands: "Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:12-15)</li>
<li>"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)</li>
<li>A friend "loves at all times." (Proverbs 17:17)</li>
<li>Only wound us in ways that are trustworthy. (i.e., tough love; Proverbs 27:6)</li>
<li>Are more loyal than family at times (Proverbs 18:24)</li>
<li>Provide mutual edification (Proverbs 27:17)</li>
<li>Impart wisdom to one another (Proverbs 13:20)</li>
<li>Friends may even sacrifice themselves for us (John 15:13)</li>
<li>We should be compassionate, kind, humble, meek, patient, forgiving, living at peace with one another, loving, and thankful (Colossians 3:13-15)</li>
<li>Friends also teach one another and worship God together (Colossians 3:16).</li>
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John 15:12-15 describes Jesus, the truest friend of all, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you."<br />
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Friends love one another with sacrificial love. Friends know each other well and promote one another's welfare. Does this describe the type of friend I was or had when I was younger? No.<br />
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Frequently friendships were filled with petty arguments, envy, strife, fighting, selfishness, and gossip. Many of my friendships were "one-sided" where either I or the other person gave more and tried harder to keep the relationship going, not out of love and service but from a place of longing to be accepted.<br />
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Friendship has been on my mind the last couple of years for a few reasons. First, as my health gets worse and I struggle more to get out and do things, I have thought about how to nurture friendships while still taking care of myself. It seems more difficult to maintain that closeness when I have to cancel so many plans. Secondly, when we had to switch churches a couple of years ago, it was difficult to get plugged in at the new church. This is hampered again by health issues. I cannot be there every time the doors are open like we once were. I am no longer the "do-er" that signs up to serve, clean, help, or whatever all the time. Lastly, many people have talked to me about feeling disconnected at their churches, or not having friends and community at church. I began to ponder how we can all assemble at church week after week, and yet feel lonely. I questioned what I wanted out of a friendship. What did I expect from my friends? Did I give others the same things I felt that I wanted? How can we stop being lonely in a crowd of fellow believers?<br />
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Well, I am sorry to report that I don't have all the answers. I have been thinking about all of this for the last couple of years though, and thought I'd share what has been rattling around in my brain lately. I admit that not everyone struggles in the same way I do, so perhaps not all of this will ring true for you. Younger me craved acceptance and looked at friends as someone to please so that they would love me. Friendship was a form of idolatry, something I deeply wanted, expecting it to fill a dark whole in my life. As years passed and I slowly learned that friends let you down, can't be trusted with secrets, and turn against you in a heartbeat, I started to change my views. I convinced myself I didn't need people, and I selfishly started looking for friends to meet my needs, giving little in return. <br />
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As a young Christian, a couple of close, trustworthy friends emerged, but even then our conversations with often ungodly. Complaining and gossiping about people or church, focusing on the ways our husbands were failing, or whining about our children's misdeeds. Slowly conviction crept into my heart as I studied God's word more. Truly Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is wise" was very true. Maybe spending hours on the phone with friends was unwise? Thus began the another shift for me.<br />
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More growth in this area and I struggled to find friends who would be an encouragement, find joy in God's Word together, call me out when I sinned, and who fit the description of the things on the list above. That is when God started to speak to my heart: <i>I</i> need to be that person! I should be looking for those attributes in myself, not others. I was still setting my expectations too high, and expecting others to meet my needs. I think that missed the whole point of friendship. Friendship starts with being that loyal friend that scripture speaks of. Do I encourage others? Have I lovingly called someone out on their sins or challenged them? Do I pray for them and with them? How can I expect others to be what I myself fail to be? Do I look to a friend to provide something that is fulfilled in Jesus, who loves perfectly, is faithful, and knows our needs?<br />
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I am no Bible scholar, but from what I know about scripture, it doesn't tell us to choose friends that will meet our needs, or be fun to hang out with. Friendship is not about us. It isn't about getting what we want or need. Friendship should flow out of the love we have for God into the lives of others. Our Christian walk is one of self-denial, love for others, and service. As popular culture likes to say "be the change you want to see." Friendship isn't just a choice we make consciously, as if we have the power in ourselves to love others, but really because God first loved us, His Spirit and love <i>compel </i>us to love others. God <i>is</i> love (1 John 4:7), and what better foundation to build a friendship upon than our unity in Christ!<br />
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My prayer for you and me as that God would keep working in our hearts to make us a friend like Jesus, one willing to lay down our lives for our friends. I think you will find as you start become this kind of friend to others, you will look up one day and realize you have a community of true friends around you, and these relationships will be healthy, godly and bring glory to our Lord!<br />
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Merry Christmas to you all! May we all be better friends in 2020!<br />
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~Until Next Time<br />
Shari<br />
<br />Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-9701426005937480902019-11-20T21:12:00.003-06:002020-08-30T21:14:35.163-05:00Didn't See That Coming (or Hear It)I spent several hours in Chicago yesterday at the Chicago Dizziness & Hearing Center. Dr Hain has been my doctor since 2008, when I first went to him with ringing in my ears and some mild hearing loss. <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2013/06/can-you-hear-me-now.html" target="_blank">I last went to him in 2013, and wrote about that too.</a><br />
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For newer readers of my blog, you may not realize that I am losing my hearing. I was diagnosed with autoimmune inner ear disease in 2008. I also have tinnitus (a constant, loud symphony of buzzing, humming and some indescribable sounds). Lately, I have had some dizzy spells so violent that I can't remain upright. I figured it was time to touch base with the doctor again. I have been focusing on the more pressing health issues, so this issue tends to take a backseat. Plus, I already know he recommended hearing aids last time, but they aren't cheap, and our insurance coverage for them is subpar.<br />
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I had 4 tests done, and then met with the doctor to discuss the results. As expected, my hearing has gotten worse. They are pushing a little harder for me to at least try some hearing aids. Hearing aids will definitely help me hear better, and can help with tuning out the tinnitus too. We will likely get those next year when we are able, when we replenish our medical fund. (I am one expensive disabled wife!)<br /><br />The unexpected part of my trip yesterday was that one of the test results indicates that I have a small hole in one of the tiny bones in my inner ear. This is called <a href="https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/superior-semicircular-canal-dehiscence/" target="_blank">"Superior Semicircular Canal Dehiscence" (SSCD)</a>, and of course, it is a rare disease. The test was abnormal enough that the doctor didn't feel like we needed a CT scan to confirm, since I have been through enough. Dr Hain explained that when it gets bad enough, surgery will be necessary. It may take 2 years or 10 years, but it will get worse. Surgery involves seeing a specialist at John Hopkins Medical Center, and drilling into my skull, so let's hope that it takes many years to get that bad. He says I will know it is time for the surgery when I can hear my eyes move back and forth, and it will sound so loud it will drive me crazy (something else to look forward to).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The hole is in one of the semicircular ducts. Both ears are affected.</td></tr>
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I have such a great group of prayer warriors who are faithfully praying for me, so I wanted to update you, and ask for continued prayers. I have been listening to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6fA35Ved-Y" target="_blank">MercyMe song "Even If"</a> on repeat the last few days. You should have a listen! God is able, and I know He <i>can</i> take this all away, but even if He doesn't, my hope is in Christ alone, and it is well with my soul. π<br />
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~Until Next Time<br />
ShariShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-66241385591947226542019-10-30T22:08:00.001-05:002020-08-30T21:14:25.779-05:00...and AfterMayo Clinic and Minnesota are in our rear-view mirror once again. We had a wonderfully scenic and relaxing trip up north to Canada from Duluth along the North Shore Scenic Drive. We enjoyed a lot of time outdoors, even though we had to bundle up, and I got stuck a couple times!<br />
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Minnesota was a tad colder than Chicagoland last weekend. I am thankful for the extra days Chad was able to take so that all of his vacation time this year wasn't spent just sitting at Mayo Clinic. It is great to have a little time to unplug, unwind and reconnect to each other (not just the internet); however, I am looking forward to getting home shortly, because there is no place on earth more comfortable. (and I miss my puppy π)<br />
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I repeated three of the nerve tests over the last two days and returned to the neurologist. The test results are basically the same as our visit 7 months ago, with one being marginally worse. We have decided to take a year off now and see if I stay stable or get worse. I will repeat these same tests again next fall, and compare the two years (one with meds, one without).<br />
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If I start getting worse this year we can always restart the infusions. Also, doctors at Mayo have developed a new blood test to check for certain markers in the blood for people with an inflammatory neuropathy (like me). If I have what they are looking for, we might have a different treatment to consider.<br />
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Anyways, our visit is over for now. I really appreciate all of the much needed prayers. I have some amazing, faithful friends π<br />
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I hope I explain things well enough. We know I have a form of CIDP, which is progressive, and will likely get worse with time. It is a rare disease so there isn't a ton of info on it, but my doctor and his father are the leading experts.<br />
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So, keep praying, but also know that we are holding steady on the current course, and not expecting earth-shattering news or treatment options that will "cure" me. Please pray for pain control, wisdom, and even healing, if God so wills, but know that my trips to Mayo are not a search for a cure or diagnosis. We are trusting God's good, pleasing, and perfect will in each of these trials, and taking one day at a time.<br />
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Thanks for following along on my journey with me!<br />
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~Until Next Time<br />
ShariShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-79151234789183420502019-10-25T19:59:00.001-05:002020-08-30T21:14:16.010-05:00Before...Greetings from Minnesota!<br />
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My husband, Chad, and I came to Duluth for a couple days to relax before heading back to Mayo Clinic to repeat all the testing and see the neurologist before heading home. It has been seven months since I was here last time, and over a year since we first found out the <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2018/08/hard-to-put-into-words.html" target="_blank">proper diagnosis</a>.<br />
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We drove all day today, and will have 3 days to enjoy Duluth and the surrounding areas, before driving south to Rochester on Tuesday. Tomorrow we plan to head up north to Grand Marais, to spend some time outdoors. Sunday and Monday we will be attending church here in Duluth, and checking out the local breweries of course! SO very thankful to have my new power chair for this trip. It was great today to cruise along the lake outside our hotel, and even raise up to sit at a high top table at the bar.<br />
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I will be doing three tests before I see the doctor. Each test checks the function of my nervous system in different ways. I would ask for prayer starting at lunch time Tuesday through Wednesday afternoon. There will be an extended period without any form of pain medication, not even a baby aspirin! For someone like me that needs around the clock pain control, this will be a rough day, especially with the tests themselves adding to the pain.<br />
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Once all the tests are completed, we will meet with my Dr Dyck again to discuss our treatment plan going forward. I believe we will be taking a one year break, and then compare that to this past year with the IVIg infusions. I do believe I am worse today when compared to a year ago before we started the infusions, but the tests will be definitive. It is hard to know just how much worse I might have been without doing the infusions this past year, so taking a long break and comparing the two outcomes is about the only way to truly evaluate.<br />
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Please pray for wisdom to choose a treatment plan, as well as stamina to endure the testing. I will update everyone in a few days when we wrap up our visit. Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers.<br />
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~Until Next Time<br />
Shari<br />
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<br />Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-11660150150540993992019-09-28T11:20:00.001-05:002020-08-30T21:14:05.359-05:00We Are Not That DifferentIn my medical journeys I have met many different people. I can put them into two groups for the purpose of my blog today. There are pessimists and optimists. In other words, there are people that can't see anything beyond their pain and loss of ability to do what they enjoy, and there are others that focus on what they still can do, and the good things in their life. My doctors believe that the people who can focus on the positive have better outcomes than those who don't (or perhaps can't).<br />
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In waiting rooms across the area, I have met many people who feel life isn't worth living because of their disability, diagnosis, or pain. I have also met people who seem happy despite their struggles. In most areas of my life, I think I probably fall firmly in the pessimistic camp, but if you have read any of my blog posts you might see that, by the grace of God, I am able to see the positive blessings in my life much more clearly than the struggles.<br />
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So what does all this have to do with my post today? Not much, except I wanted to point out the way we tend to group people into categories. We think in terms of black and white, even when we don't admit it. I personally like thinking in black and white terms because it makes sense. It is a neat, orderly way to view the world, but the problem is that the world is messy and gray. It took me years to figure that out. This is what my post is about. I am straying from my normal medical post to broach the subject of <i>*gasp*</i> politics.<br />
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I have witnessed an alarming trend the last few years, and I want to start a dialogue. We are more aware of bullying now than perhaps any other time in history, and yet my social media newsfeeds are filled with adults calling each other, groups, political parties, and specific people idiots (and much worse). Sadly and frequently these are the same adults that I see standing against bullying for their children, and fail to see that they are engaging in the same behavior.<br />
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Here is the truth: You are NOT an idiot, and neither am I. We are human. We make mistakes, we fail, do things we should not, say dumb things sometimes, and the list goes on and on. We have all been there. We have believed things we later discovered were not true. We jump to conclusions. We pass judgment (frequently without having all the facts). We criticize and name call, instead of truly trying to understand and learn from people who think differently than we do.<br />
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I have friends on both sides of the "aisle". Liberal and conservative. Christians, atheists, and other religions. Different races, classes and backgrounds. No matter what each of us believes, the truth is we are all human. Fundamentally the same. Largely comprised of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. (for you Star Trek TNG fans we are "useless bags of mostly water" π) When we boil it all down to that, NONE of us should feel superior.<br />
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As a nation that once prided itself on standing "united", we are the most divided we have ever been. We have lost the ability to have a civil conversation on many "hot button" issues. We dig our heels in, read things that confirm our own biases, and watch news stations that feed us the spin they know we already agree with. In a lot of ways, social media makes this all easier. "Trolls" are free to roam the internet and say things no one would ever say to someone's face. It emboldens all of us to some extent. We "like" and "share" with little to no effort, and also with no confirmation of facts. We believe what we believe and are not likely to listen to groups who espouse contrary views.<br />
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I only bring this all up today, because yesterday, as I scrolled through social media, I saw posts from one group of friends who were calling certain political people morons. The very next post, from my other group of friends, was calling a different person crazy (which is a word I dislike for many reasons), and I felt disheartened. First, it is hard to hold out hope that our country can be united again. Do you remember the afternoon of September 11, 2001? Do you remember that feeling? Remember that you hugged your neighbor, despite their political or religious leanings? Can you fathom today that a random group of strangers would stop and pray, even if they all believe differently, simply because they had to do something....TOGETHER?<br />
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I feel sad that our nation that this era is punctuated with bullying at every age. That we are quick to name call, and spread "news" without really knowing it's source, or the bias of the person reporting it. I am especially downtrodden when I consider my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, fellow Christian believers, who post the same inflammatory, derogatory remarks, despite knowing that God clearly calls us to love our neighbor.<br />
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So, here it is. I love YOU. I believe with my whole heart that you and I were both created in the image of a holy and just God, and for that reason alone, you are deserving to be listened too, to be loved. We can love our neighbors (and are in fact called to do so) because He first loved us (1 John 4:19, Mark 12:31). <br />
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It is true that life has a lot of gray areas. I pray that you might forgive me if I have ever said or done anything to imply you were stupid, or less than. I pray too that we might be able to share our beliefs in a non-judgmental way, really listening to each other, even if we still walk away with differing viewpoints.<br />
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This whole post was started because of a short clip of a documentary, and an interview of it's maker on <a href="https://wgntv.com/2019/09/28/listen-documentary/" target="_blank">WGN this morning</a>. The documentary is called <u>List(E)n</u>. The preview shows the filmmaker bringing two people together over coffee to hear each other out. Two people on the opposite side of important issues, coming together to listen. This is how we stand united. We can believe differently, and still show respect and compassion for each other. Part of what made America what it is, is the ability to freely choose our religious and political views without fear of repercussions. Sadly, I fear this is no longer the case.<br />
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We are not that different. We are quirky and can be wrong sometimes (maybe even often?). We can be united in the fact that we have more in common than we do differences, or we can continue to see only the differences that divide. We can be optimistic and move forward together, choosing to focus on our similarities, or we can continue to bully everyone who doesn't believe the same as we do. Then maybe we can change our nation's motto to "divided we now stand". Can we start the conversation here? Tell me, what do you think?<br />
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Until Next Time~<br />
ShariShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-76199377657911907942019-09-18T07:24:00.001-05:002020-08-30T21:13:43.842-05:00Who'd A Thunk it?Tens years ago today, September 18th, 2009, on an early Friday morning, we were heading to Northwestern Hospital in Chicago for me to have surgery. On June 25th, an MRI showed what the radiologist believed was a nerve sheath tumor. I was told it would need to be removed. I knew the tumor was long, estimated at 5.5" along the femoral nerve, beginning near my spine, and traveling along the nerve towards my leg. They weren't sure if it was cancerous or benign. I was told there were only two options:<br />
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<li>The tumor could be a schwannoma which would mean the tumor was <i>on the surface</i> of the nerve. This would mean they could possibly just peel the tumor off the nerve, and there would be no lasting damage, although it still was a possibility.</li>
<li>The tumor could be neurofibroma which would mean that it grew <i>through </i>the nerve, and thus not something that could be removed without removing a section of the nerve. This would possibly result in significant disability.</li>
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A team of 3 surgeons was assembled: </div>
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<li>A neurosurgeon would inspect my spine and be present in case there was any evidence the tumor was growing on my spinal cord. </li>
<li>A general surgeon was there to make the incisions, move all my organs and bowel out of the way, so that the 3rd doc... </li>
<li>A plastic surgeon (they are also peripheral nerve surgeons) could access the nerve tumor and remove it. He made the decision to remove 7" of my femoral nerve to get the tumor out. He later said the tumor appeared so intertwined with the nerve he couldn't see the difference in tissue. </li>
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Based on what he saw, he diagnosed this to be a neurofibroma. He also performed a nerve transfer, taking another nerve from a different section of my leg and transplanted it in the gap he had just created.</div>
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After the 8 hour surgery, the doctor came out to the waiting room to tell my family the news. </div>
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I don't remember very much that day. Spending 8 hours on general anesthesia and then pain meds (LOTS of pain meds) tend to wipe your memory. I do remember waking up at some point late in the evening, and my mom blurting out that they removed the nerve and I may never walk again. I remember starting to cry as I heard Chad tell her that they had decided they were going to wait to tell me that. (She wasn't great at keeping a secret haha) I quickly dozed back off, and remember bits of time from the overnight hours. </div>
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My daughter decided she would be the one to sleep in my room that night, because she is a helper and was worried about me. Mostly I remember waking up in the middle of the night, and realizing that my "dead" leg had slid off the mattress, and I couldn't move it to get it back on the bed. I spent about 20 minutes trying to wake my daughter up to help me, before pushing the nurse button. (Both of my kids, and my husband truly can sleep through ANYTHING!)</div>
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Ten years ago today, my life changed forever. Sometimes I can hardly remember when I could walk about freely. This date will probably always stick in my mind, since it was a major turning point in my life. It ranks up there with our <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2018/08/hard-to-put-into-words.html" target="_blank">first visit to Mayo</a> last year when we found out that I never had a tumor, it was all part of my current diagnosis CIDP. </div>
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If there is anything I have learned in all of this, it is that you never know what tomorrow holds. Even when you think you know, you think it have it figured out, you have adapted and accepted the reality of your situation, and then BAM! you get side swiped with different news that contradicts what you <i>knew</i>.</div>
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The one thing that hasn't changed in all of this is God. He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He was also not blind-sided by any of this, even if I was. He is sovereign, which means He controls all, knows all, sees all. If He is not in control of everything, He is not sovereign, by the word's very definition. He either controls everything, or He controls nothing.</div>
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God has not changed through the last ten years, but I have. I have learned more about myself: my struggles, selfishness, lack of compassion and patience, along with many other sins. I have learned that my stubbornness is both a blessing and a curse. (It just depends on who you ask! Chad would say it is a bad thing that gets me into trouble, but my doctor prefers to call me tenacious.)</div>
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I have learned about others as well. Learned to accept help, to let others show me love through service. I have found wonderful friends, who have faithfully prayed and served me without complaining, showing me God's love in a real, tangible way. </div>
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God taught me to love more deeply, enjoy each day more fully, and is still working in me to develop trust and patience and other good things. He has definitely taught me that we all need to extend more grace to everyone around us. Most of us are trying to do our best, and sometimes we get it wrong. We should not be quick to assume wrong motives, but offer grace, grace and more grace.</div>
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This day, ten years ago, was a very rough day. I pray that I never go through a surgery that intensive or painful again. I am beyond grateful for all I have learned on my journey. I am excited to see what God has in store for the coming years, should He see fit to bless me with more, but for today I am content with where I am. I will try to stay present in today, because I know He isn't finished with me yet. There is still more learning and growing to do!<br />
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Until Next Time~</div>
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Shari<br />
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Shari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1510153929807219035.post-91680692664750355802019-09-16T14:06:00.001-05:002020-08-30T21:13:30.861-05:00The Heavy Weight of ScalesOnce upon a time, I lived an active lifestyle: biking, running, walking, hiking, rock climbing, swimming, kayaking, the list goes on and on. I did all of our yard work, and helped shovel snow. I did all the shopping, and errands, and was always on the move. I have always tried to eat fairly healthy, not really denying myself any guilty pleasures, but always being careful not to over do it. Both of my parents were overweight all of their adult life, and genetically I am very similar. I have always had to be aware of what I eat, how much I eat, and how many calories I burn, and even then, I could still gain a couple pounds very easily.<br />
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The older we get, our metabolisms naturally slow, and weight loss does becomes more difficult. Genetics play a huge role in metabolism, and it is difficult (but not impossible) to overcome that genetic predisposition.<br />
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As you know, I am not as active as I once was. I have trouble walking even short distances. Chronic pain and arthritis keep me from doing much with my upper body also, so I do a lot more sitting than I once did. I have read many studies showing that "sitting is the new smoking", and if that is the case, I have a 3 pack a day habit!<br />
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Lack of real exercise (combined with my genetics and poor food choices) are causing me some issues.....again. I have been <a href="https://peacethroughsuffering.blogspot.com/2014/01/less-of-me-in-2014.html" target="_blank">overweight before</a> following my surgery in 2009. I held steady at 122 lbs for a few years, following a strict paleo diet. It was hard, very hard at times, especially when we were away from home, but I can be very disciplined when I put my mind to it!<br />
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Last year, my cardiologist told me to start adding some whole grains to my diet for heart health. I had already been slipping a little, because eating a strict paleo diet requires fresh ingredients, lots of washing and chopping and cooking. I was feeling worse, living with daily intense pain. I was having more difficulties doing my shopping, and stopped going to so many stores for fresh foods every few days. Cooking complicated recipes became too much on some days. The changes were small at first, and I rationalized that "it wouldn't hurt just this once" to eat something unhealthy. It wasn't long before "adding whole grains to my diet" just became "let's have a bowl of ice cream after dinner".<br />
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I convinced myself that I would work harder tomorrow. I rationalized that I was still eating more healthy food than bad, and it wasn't necessary to deprive myself of yummy treats. Now, 30 lbs later, I am nearing that weight I was back in 2012 when I started the paleo journey. My blood pressure is elevated again, and I am on medication for that. My blood sugar is out of whack frequently, and I am having digestive troubles again.<br />
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Anyone who has struggled with food, understands the mental games we play with ourselves. We promise ourselves it will be "just a little bit" or "just this once". The diet will start (over again) on Monday. A few pounds heavier, and we think we will cut back for a few days, or increase activity, and the weight will leave again....but we keep on doing the things we hate and having "just a little bit more." I have gained 30 lbs. The scale doesn't lie.<br />
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We play similar mental games to convince ourselves we are "good people." Sure, we have done some bad things (not too bad), said something we shouldn't have (not as bad as what other people say though), or thought things that aren't kind (but didn't actually act upon them). We add up all our good deeds on one side of the scale, and hope it outweighs the pile of bad things on the other side. The trouble is, that the scale doesn't lie, even if we try to convince ourselves.<br />
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The truth is that every thought, word, and deed is tainted with sin. The scale shows the truth, and there is no hiding from it when we step on. Hiding my head in the sand, or rationalizing does not change the fact: I am gaining too much weight, and it is not healthy. I am also a sinner, whose sins far outweigh the "good deeds" I have tried to do. Thankfully, Christ has come to take the weight of our sins upon Himself, for all who believe and repent. So, when God weighs our deeds, He will only see Jesus Christ, and His works where ours should be.<br />
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He is also here to offer grace, wisdom, and peace to me as I struggle to find a way to live as healthy as I can. Diet and exercise advice are all over the map! Having a disability makes exercising much more difficult, and I am still trying to find activities I can safely do without falling, or causing myself too much pain. I am trying to take one day at a time, trying to dig deep and find the discipline to eat right again, but I am also trying to extend grace to myself. I am so thankful to know that in all of my failings, Christ's forgiveness and mercy are never beyond reach.<br />
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Until Next Time~<br />
ShariShari Czerwinskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04366006161057750482noreply@blogger.com0