Many years ago, when our children were actually children, Chad and I were having lunch along the lakefront near the planetarium in Chicago. I was on one of my health kicks, and had made a new recipe for some bean salad, that I packed without tasting first. Sitting in the grass overlooking the water, we started to eat. I soon realized that I was no fan of garbanzo beans, or at least not cold, out of a can, in a bean salad. I started to pick them out, and fling them over to the side, where the seagulls instantly swooped in to help themselves. (I will digress for just a moment, because this day has two funny stories!) If you are not aware, seagulls can be very aggressive and unafraid when trying to eat your lunch, and we actually got up and ran away leaving most of our items, including cooler and blanket, because they were literally swarming us, and a bit scary!
But, the reason I bring this story up, is that the seagulls, while they did seem to enjoy our chips and sandwich we left behind, apparently they did not like garbanzo beans either. One gull after another picked one up in it's beak, only to spit it back out. We were laughing about all of this, and it is one of those memories you tend to bring up from time to time.
I have been a bit MIA lately on social media, and even in real life. I have had to cancel several visits with friends, and even some doctor appointments. I have been dealing with a LOT of pain. The doctors also decided to try another 30-day wearable heart monitor before they implant the long term one. This is part of my prayer request by the way. I am 16 days into the 30 days, and still have not been able to record the intermittent palpitations I have been having. I am praying for a strong one, that is captured on the recorder in hopes of avoiding the implant.
In addition to all this, I got a cold last week. A cold that has hung on through several boxes of tissues, and not been helped by OTC cold meds. A cold that has lead to a deep cough and plenty of sinus headache pain. Last night, I was feeling very sick, and my headache was getting worse. Chad picked up some Panera soup for dinner, and I got worse as the evening wore on. That headache turned into a horrible migraine. With all the cold meds, pain meds, steroids, and other things I have been on, I waited too long to take the migraine medications, because of drug interaction worries. I finally called the pharmacist around 7 pm, and started the "rescue med" drugs. After several hours of pain, made so much worse with every cough and sneeze, and the inevitable vomiting because of the migraine, I dozed off, cuddled up with my bucket a few times, only to wake up at 2 am and start the course of meds all over again. By 5:30 this morning, my headache was finally gone, but my cold seems worse today.
Garbanzo beans, or you may know them as chickpeas, are perhaps still not my favorite, but I do LOVE hummus, and was surprised to know that is the main ingredient. So, why do I bring this all up? (those with weak stomachs may want to skip ahead to the next paragraph) The "soup" Chad got me was the turkey chili, which has garbanzo beans, and reminded me of the story above, but also, after last night, I was reminded how much I am not a fan of them.
The chronic pain is very difficult, but when it is increased with a flare-up, and then compounded upon with other problems, it becomes unbearable. The kind of unbearable that leaves you weak on a bathroom floor, cold and sick, hugging a toilet in the middle of the night, and begging God for relief. I will be honest I asked for healing, but I also prayed for a more permanent kind of relief.
On a good day, my hope is to grow old with Chad, see future grandchildren grow up, and hopefully walk with the Lord. What joy could be greater than to see your children, and grandchildren, generation after generation, come to know and love the Lord?! (3 John 1:4; Psalm 78:6)
On a bad day, this light and momentary suffering draws me into the strong arms of my loving Savior, and makes me long for glory, when He will wipe every tear from my eye, my pain will end, and I will dance again. Today is likely not that day, but if it were, I would be ready. No matter what your circumstances are, or how old you are, this day is fast approaching and comes without warning. Are you ready?
I am very thankful for a my husband who was right there with me all night, losing sleep, so that I might find rest. I am thankful for my dear friend, who is currently studying the book of Job with me, as last night I was feeling a bit of Job's despair. I am also thankful to pastors who faithfully expository preach through God's word. I have been re-listening to the series on Job from Pastor Megchelsen, which has been a wonderful reminder of God's purpose in suffering, my call to suffer well, and to know that my life is not meaningless. Sometimes, in the midst of all this, it is easy to feel like I have no purpose, and his sermons this week have really reminded me that even in the little things I am able to do, God is at work.
I pray you are able to lean on the strength of God even in your weakness. No matter how dark the moment is, God's light does shine through. Keep your eyes fixed upon Christ! I truly appreciate your prayers. This has been a rough couple of weeks. May God's will be done! Thankful for you all <3
Until Next Time ~
Shari
