In fact, if I think back over the years, even though I have always been introverted, there was rarely a day I didn't get out of the house: nature walks, shopping, museums, movies, or just yard work. Slowly over time, as our kids grew up and moved out, and my health declined, getting out of the house seemed less attractive, and more problematic.
Chad and I were talking about this a couple of days ago, and it has been on my mind ever since. I am very content in my day to day life, but my world has definitely shrunk. I routinely go to church on Sunday, and consider it a victory if I have nowhere to go until church the following Sunday. I still love the outdoors, shopping (especially at thrift stores), and even road trips, BUT (and it is a big but), things have just become much more challenging.
I can no longer just wake up and decide to be spontaneous, heading out for the day to a local museum or park like we used to do. For starters, on the rare occasion that I feel well enough to head out for the day, there has to be much more planning. Medications, medical devices, mobility equipment, etc. are part of my daily life. I have to think through the outing to decide what needs may arise. How long will we be gone? How far would I have to walk, or is it wheelchair accessible? Is there van accessible parking? (especially if I am alone, because I frequently get stuck unable to deploy the ramp either because there are not enough handicapped spots, or someone has parked in the access aisle/striped lines) The list is LONG.
Sadly even when we plan the best we can, trips frequently end with an serious increase in pain. Pain rises throughout the day normally, but increased movement and lengthy activities will increase it more rapidly. Sometimes, I do a cost-benefit analysis and decide the trip just isn't worth the pain.
There is usually some stress and anxiety involved in going somewhere unfamiliar also. Many trips end up disappointing when we discover we can't get around by wheelchair, or there are no bathrooms I can use. Even stores with wheelchair accessible entrances often have narrow or blocked aisles, racks that are too close together and inaccessible bathrooms. Besides being more physically difficult to navigate, it is mentally draining for me as well. I struggle with feeling unwelcome and like I am constantly in other people's way (some of this is my own insecurity, but also because people will literally say it out loud).
When I do have a "good day" it just seems easier to stay home, where it is comfy and Chad has made it all very accessible to me. I can keep myself occupied with crafts, jigsaw puzzles, puppy cuddles, reading and many other favorite activities within my home. Easier for sure, and it makes me happy 😊
Sometimes though, I do miss going out. Frankly, I don't often visit a clothing store to feel the fabrics, browse clearance racks, and try things on just for fun anymore. Having the endurance to do all of that is rare at this point. (even getting my leg brace off and on is quite the workout. The struggle is real, people!) To some degree, my low pain level days seem wasted by going out and struggling to do things that used to be easy and enjoyable....so I just stay home, and use that energy on something that truly is enjoyable.
A little over 10 years ago, when I was healing from the life changing surgery on my left leg, I would have never dreamed that I would become a hermit! I have read about disabilities being isolating, and families with special needs children feeling alone, but didn't really understand why, until now.
I am very thankful that God has given me a contented heart. The introversion I once saw as a huge hindrance, I now see as a true blessing. I don't need a lot of activities or people to have a pleasant day. Seeing a dear friend, talking with family, or keeping busy at home are all real treats. I do know that there are plenty of people in the disability/special needs community who DO need more human interaction. Extroverts are not immune to medical issues, and while I am okay being more isolated than I once was, some people are struggling with loneliness and depression.
Honestly, this whole issue continues to be a struggle in my marriage. Chad is way more social and adventurous than I am anyways. I don't want him to be miserable never going anywhere, and he doesn't want to make me go somewhere knowing I will be in more pain. We run through ideas, evaluate how I feel, imagine how draining it will be and decide if it is worth it or not. I do more with him and for him than I would ever do on my own. Some days I push myself over that hurdle, get out and enjoy the day with my husband. Sometimes it isn't even as hard as I imagined it would be!
This unexpected change in my life has been a slow, sanctifying process. I have learned to be truly content, needing little fanfare to keep me entertained. I appreciate the little things in life more. I appreciate friends who are willing to drive to my house for a visit. Maybe you are able to visit a neighbor or friends who is going through something right now and could use an encouraging word, listening ear, or a push to get out of the house. (Don't push too hard, just offer!)
I am thankful that God has given scientific and technological knowledge to many individuals who bring us new innovations (like the internet), and all the good things that come from that to help us daily. There has never been an easier time to stay home and shop from the comfort of your couch! I am beyond grateful for a Savior, who is ever by my side, good day or bad. Maybe you could bring His word to someone who needs it today!
Until Next Time~
Shari
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