Ok, ok, I know this will be hard to believe given my usual attention to detail and rigid organizational habits, but I made a mistake. A big mistake. The kind that causes some serious issues, and tears, lots of tears.
As it turns out, about 2 months ago when I got the appointment at Mayo Clinic, I booked hotels for our stay. We were told to plan to stay 3-7 business days for appointments (they are not open on weekends), and keep our travel plans as flexible as possible. So, we decided to stay in one of the hotels that connects to Mayo Clinic via the underground subway tunnels for the first 3 days. Then, we we're going to head to Minneapolis for my weekend off, and then back to the first hotel near Mayo for 3 more days. We figured we could cancel any days we didn't need, and were really hoping we did not need to add any more.
Hotels near Mayo run at full capacity nearly constantly, and are booked days, if not weeks in advance. After seeing the doctor yesterday, and getting the game plan together, it turns out our plans were very accurate. My final appointment for this trip is on Wednesday morning next week, so we can see the doctor, check out and drive home. No extra reservations needed. We do apparently need to come back once more, in about a month or so, which we did not know until yesterday, but I digress. So, what mistake did I make? Oh, wait until you hear this! (Some day in the future, we will get plenty of laughs out of telling this story, but right now it is #toosoon)
We arrived in Rochester, Minnesota on Tuesday evening. I strolled into the "Hilton Garden Inn Rochester Downtown" hotel, and gave them my name. The clerk searches and searches and asks if I am sure about the date and suggests that we might be at a different Hilton hotel nearby. I tell him, no I am sure my reservation is at the "Hilton Garden Inn Rochester Downtown" and have a confirmation email. Assured they must be making some mistake, I did not hesitate to whip out my phone and show him the confirmation number when he asked. I immediately noticed the expression on his face change, as he looks at me and says he found the problem.
Turns out we are at "Hilton Garden Inn Rochester Downtown" in Minnesota.
My room is booked at "Hilton Garden Inn Rochester Downtown" in New York.
Um.....
Now, THAT is a problem!! We are over 5 hours from home, there are no hotel rooms available near Mayo (none, and it is even harder when you need an accessible room!). To make matter worse (is that even possible?) I got a sweet deal, and saved us a bunch of money on our 3 day reservation by paying 30-days in advance with their non-refundable, non-transferable, non-cancellation policy option.
Um.....
So yeah, that is how our trip started. We spent at least an hour on phones, and laptops, scrambling to find somewhere to sleep (besides our car or a park bench). Thankfully, we did find a room! It does not have an accessible shower. It is not attached to Mayo's subway system, and therefore not as convenient, but we are not sleeping in the car at least. Praise God it is only 15 minutes away and didn't have to be further!
Hilton has also been trying to figure out a way to refund our money (although that hasn't happened yet), and they were able to transfer my New York reservations for next week, to a similar (but of course, more expensive room) here in Minnesota, which is MUCH closer to Mayo than New York! It is closer than our current hotel, and will have an accessible shower, so only these first 3 nights will be an issue.
Things aren't working out exactly as planned, that's for sure! I am grateful I was already working to manage my expectations!! Things worked out ok, but definitely not how I expected. I am praying that my stupidity might not cost us the 3-day stay cost in addition to the hotel we ended up at, so I hope they truly do refund the money.
We had my eval yesterday in neurology. The doctor ordered a bunch of tests. This morning, a boatload of blood was drawn for labs. This afternoon is the first of 4 MRIs. Then I have an EMG, a spinal tap, and consults with each: peripheral nerve specialist, rheumatologist, and neuro-ophthalmologist. Each specialist adds their testing to my schedule as needed.
Unfortunately, I cannot get in to one of the specialists until August 22nd. Tests are spread out over the next several days, with lots of free hours for us to sit around and get bored. When I do have an opening in my schedule, we can show up in the early morning hours at the specialist's office, try to get my name on a cancellation list, and then sit there all day, waiting to see if they will be able to work me into the schedule. We are REALLY hoping that we can make that work, instead of coming back in a few weeks. Most people who make it on the list are here by 6:30 am to get in line!! They take 4 or 5 names a day, and try to get them in, but there is no guarantee. You have to stay in their waiting room also. If they call your name, and you are not right there, you miss your chance. We will be able to be there tomorrow (Friday) and also Monday, since any appointments on those two days are scheduled in the evening.
Continued prayers for strength, lower pain levels, patience, and God's favor that we might get in to the peripheral nerve specialist before we come home. If that does not happen, I may make the trip back up here alone (or with any friends who may want to push my wheelchair around in exchange for free meals and share my hotel room.....I promise the room will not be in New York!)
Thank you all for praying, and sending encouraging texts, emails and messages! I am worn out already, and I have several more days to go.
Until Next Time~
Shari
Thursday, August 2, 2018
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
A Long Way To Go
A few years ago, I read a blog post about a woman who was chronically ill. She mentioned starting each day with a limited number of spoons (Yep, she was holding actual spoons for a visual prop). Some days she had several spoons, if she was having a good day. On other days when she felt worse, she had only one or two spoons. After I read that article, I shared it with Chad. Since that time, we have used that same expression. It is not uncommon for Chad to come home and ask me how many spoons I have left 💜
Some days I feel great upon awaking, and have many spoons ( a lot of energy). Other days, especially days following busy days, I have few (if any) spoons. As I plan my day, I have to choose wisely what things are most important and do them first, assigning each task the needed number of spoons. Many days I run out of spoons before I finish my list. Occasionally, when I have a really good day, I try to catch up on everything, and then crash, needing several days to recover. I am still working to find the balance that is needed to accomplish necessary work, without wearing myself completely out and needing to rest for days.
Every parent dreads the words that virtually every child utters at some point on a long road trip:
Some days I feel great upon awaking, and have many spoons ( a lot of energy). Other days, especially days following busy days, I have few (if any) spoons. As I plan my day, I have to choose wisely what things are most important and do them first, assigning each task the needed number of spoons. Many days I run out of spoons before I finish my list. Occasionally, when I have a really good day, I try to catch up on everything, and then crash, needing several days to recover. I am still working to find the balance that is needed to accomplish necessary work, without wearing myself completely out and needing to rest for days.
Today we are headed to Minnesota for my appointment at Mayo. Just over 5 hours from our door to the hotel. I am not looking forward to the long drive, the long periods of time in waiting rooms, and exam rooms, the inevitable tests, and the poking and prodding that will result. I cannot avoid the upcoming fatigue and increased pain that is sure to ensue. I will need to be as careful as possible to rest when it is feasible, and let Chad help with things he can help with, so I can preserve spoons. We have a long drive, followed by an unknown number of days at Mayo, and then a long ride back home.
"Are we there yet?"
It is easy on a long road trip to grow tired, bored, or uncomfortable and wonder when it will end. Just like children, we would like things to be smooth sailing, fun and exciting without all the drudgery and waiting. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. Life is just like my upcoming trip to Mayo. There are highlights and lowlights. The are bumps, and turns, and occasional missteps that may cause us to travel in circles a while before finding our way forward again. We can quickly find ourselves wondering "are we there yet?"
The answer to that question is resounding NO! We have not, and will never "arrive" (at least not this side of heaven). We may gain victory over some areas in our lives with God's help, but the journey continues with all of it's struggles. If we find ourselves thinking we have it figured out, we have reached the finish line, or have "arrived", we should quickly check our hearts for pride and unbelief.
I have heard many times that "the more we learn about God, and His Word, the more we realize how much we don't know." I think that lesson applies here. While we will never achieve perfection in our lifetime, we should be able to look back at our lives, and see that we have made some progress along the way. If we are still hanging out in the parking lot where we started, or traveling in circles never getting anywhere, we should be examining our hearts to see if we are truly in Christ.
If your faith is in Christ alone, you can know that God is working in you throughout the journey. Thankfully God gives His children grace for today. If I start the day with 10 spoons or just 1, ultimately doesn't matter, but what does matter is whether or not I am found IN Christ. I am responsible to prioritize what I do with the spoons I am given today, and make decisions on where to expend my energy. Am I looking to Christ for grace and strength, or trying to get by on my own merits? Will I glorify God this day with all of the spoons He has given me, or live only for myself? God's grace is sufficient to get me through this trip, one day at a time. He will get you through your journey as well, if you believe and repent.
I continue to ask for prayers during our trip. May God be pleased to provide us with some answers, safe travels, and enough energy for each day.
Stay in the Word, and cling to Christ on whatever journey you are on this week! How will you use your spoons today?
Until Next Time ~
Shari
Sunday, June 24, 2018
Managing Expectations
If you have been around Chad or me very much at all, I am sure you have heard our thoughts on expectations. When my doctor told me that I really needed to contact Mayo Clinic for an appointment, "expectations" were on my mind. Initially, I wanted to be careful and not expect that Mayo would take my case. I didn't want to be disappointed. I tried once a couple years ago, and they did not offer me an appointment.
This time, as it turns out, the neurology department did offer me an appointment for August 1st. So it appears that Rochester, MN will be our vacation spot this year. Now that I know I am traveling to Mayo, I still have to be very careful about my expectations. My doctor thinks that if anyone has seen another patient with these symptoms, it will be the doctors at Mayo Clinic. She feels that even if there isn't a name for this disease, they may at least be able to offer advice on prognosis or a better course of treatment, that could perhaps ease my suffering.
Trust me, that sounds wonderful! I have had several very difficult months. The pain has gotten much worse. My current plan has basically been to just survive each day, try and get some sleep, then wake up and do it all over again. The truth is, I am not particularly hopeful that Mayo will offer much insight, but I can feel myself wanting to believe it to be true. This is why I started thinking of expectations. We always tell people that managing your expectations is the key to a happy marriage (or even a happy life). I joke that the only thing I expect Chad to do is bring home a paycheck, so anything over and above that is just icing on the cake! If you set the bar low enough, he is bound to surpass it, and look like a rock star! haha :)
I am convinced that unmet expectations can quickly become anger, bitterness, and depression. We place expectations on ourselves, our spouses, children and friends, whether we realize it or not. It may not be a conscious thought. It might be a very small expectation. We can expect our husband to notice we need milk, and expect him to stop on the way home to buy some. We expect our children to get good grades or keep their rooms clean. We expect our friends to call us and check how we are doing.
Now, none of these things is particularly difficult to accomplish. Problems arise when we start thinking that someone else will do something, and then they don't do it. We can quickly start to feel angry, bitter, resentful, sad, or one of numerous other negative emotions. Often times, the other person is completely unaware that you wanted them to do something. They may have no clue that they let you down. In fact, we tend to treat others as mind-readers. ("I shouldn't have to tell them, they should just know.") Over time, all these little unmet expectations can break apart marriages, damage friendships, and destroy parent-child relationships. We can start to feel like nothing ever goes our way, and become very unhappy.
Chad and I joke about this, but the truth is that many years ago we learned to start managing our expectations for each other. There are certain things that are non-negotiable (ex. being faithful to each other), but mostly we have learned to ask when we need something, and tell each other when it is something we really need the other person to do. We let a lot of things go, and don't look to the other person to make us happy. The truth is, Chad does not complete me. Although we do quote that line from Jerry Mcguire, it is unfair to expect another person to "complete you."
Managing our expectations is really about realizing that we are sinners. We will disappoint others. We will do what we shouldn't, and fail to do what we should. We will let others down. This is not an excuse not to try, but just an honest evaluation of ourselves and others. We should try to focus on loving others, taking care of our own needs the best that we can, and being honest with each other when we need help. Then we can start moving more in the direction of contentment, and move further away from anger and bitterness. Don't get me wrong, this isn't easy. It is contrary to our nature, and requires diligence.
Even as I type this post, I can quickly start to think of how great everything would be if they had a cure for me at Mayo. If I go there expecting a life without pain or disease, I will come home very depressed indeed! If I can keep my expectations to a minimum (ex. the doctors will do their best to offer me some answers), I am less likely to be devastated on the return trip.
My greatest realization is that no one, not even my Creator, promised me a life of ease. I do not deserve the best of everything. I do not deserve riches, or fame, or happiness. The Bible teaches us just the opposite. As a believer in Jesus Christ, (one who has acknowledged my sin, knows my need of a Savior, and my inability to do anything worthy of earning my salvation) I am promised eternal life with God, but I am also promised hardship, persecution, trials, tribulations, and testing of my faith.
If I fail to repent of my sins, fail to trust in Christ alone for salvation, I am promised only eternal wrath. When I know that what all my thoughts, words, and deeds really deserve (apart from Christ) is hell, then anything I enjoy here on earth is just icing on the ultimate cake.
With expectations of seeing my Savior face-to-face one day, running into His arms, and leaving this body, world, and these troubles behind, I know that I will not be disappointed! Knowing and trusting all of this, I can get through these trials, one day at a time, with contentment.
I pray that Mayo Clinic will be able to help me in some way, but at the end of the day, my hope is not found in Mayo, it is found in my Savior, Jesus Christ alone. So, I will travel to Minnesota with Chad and expect only to have a few days away from home, see some things we have never seen, and perhaps learn something new along the way. That doesn't sound disappointing at all! <3
I am sure that with the long road trip, several days of appointments and tests, and most likely less sleep than normal, my days will be filled with pain. Your prayers would be very much appreciated! Pray for strength and that I will manage my expectations, and not come home disappointed.
Until Next Time~
Shari
This time, as it turns out, the neurology department did offer me an appointment for August 1st. So it appears that Rochester, MN will be our vacation spot this year. Now that I know I am traveling to Mayo, I still have to be very careful about my expectations. My doctor thinks that if anyone has seen another patient with these symptoms, it will be the doctors at Mayo Clinic. She feels that even if there isn't a name for this disease, they may at least be able to offer advice on prognosis or a better course of treatment, that could perhaps ease my suffering.
Trust me, that sounds wonderful! I have had several very difficult months. The pain has gotten much worse. My current plan has basically been to just survive each day, try and get some sleep, then wake up and do it all over again. The truth is, I am not particularly hopeful that Mayo will offer much insight, but I can feel myself wanting to believe it to be true. This is why I started thinking of expectations. We always tell people that managing your expectations is the key to a happy marriage (or even a happy life). I joke that the only thing I expect Chad to do is bring home a paycheck, so anything over and above that is just icing on the cake! If you set the bar low enough, he is bound to surpass it, and look like a rock star! haha :)
I am convinced that unmet expectations can quickly become anger, bitterness, and depression. We place expectations on ourselves, our spouses, children and friends, whether we realize it or not. It may not be a conscious thought. It might be a very small expectation. We can expect our husband to notice we need milk, and expect him to stop on the way home to buy some. We expect our children to get good grades or keep their rooms clean. We expect our friends to call us and check how we are doing.
Now, none of these things is particularly difficult to accomplish. Problems arise when we start thinking that someone else will do something, and then they don't do it. We can quickly start to feel angry, bitter, resentful, sad, or one of numerous other negative emotions. Often times, the other person is completely unaware that you wanted them to do something. They may have no clue that they let you down. In fact, we tend to treat others as mind-readers. ("I shouldn't have to tell them, they should just know.") Over time, all these little unmet expectations can break apart marriages, damage friendships, and destroy parent-child relationships. We can start to feel like nothing ever goes our way, and become very unhappy.
Chad and I joke about this, but the truth is that many years ago we learned to start managing our expectations for each other. There are certain things that are non-negotiable (ex. being faithful to each other), but mostly we have learned to ask when we need something, and tell each other when it is something we really need the other person to do. We let a lot of things go, and don't look to the other person to make us happy. The truth is, Chad does not complete me. Although we do quote that line from Jerry Mcguire, it is unfair to expect another person to "complete you."
Managing our expectations is really about realizing that we are sinners. We will disappoint others. We will do what we shouldn't, and fail to do what we should. We will let others down. This is not an excuse not to try, but just an honest evaluation of ourselves and others. We should try to focus on loving others, taking care of our own needs the best that we can, and being honest with each other when we need help. Then we can start moving more in the direction of contentment, and move further away from anger and bitterness. Don't get me wrong, this isn't easy. It is contrary to our nature, and requires diligence.
Even as I type this post, I can quickly start to think of how great everything would be if they had a cure for me at Mayo. If I go there expecting a life without pain or disease, I will come home very depressed indeed! If I can keep my expectations to a minimum (ex. the doctors will do their best to offer me some answers), I am less likely to be devastated on the return trip.
My greatest realization is that no one, not even my Creator, promised me a life of ease. I do not deserve the best of everything. I do not deserve riches, or fame, or happiness. The Bible teaches us just the opposite. As a believer in Jesus Christ, (one who has acknowledged my sin, knows my need of a Savior, and my inability to do anything worthy of earning my salvation) I am promised eternal life with God, but I am also promised hardship, persecution, trials, tribulations, and testing of my faith.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." ~James 1:3
If I fail to repent of my sins, fail to trust in Christ alone for salvation, I am promised only eternal wrath. When I know that what all my thoughts, words, and deeds really deserve (apart from Christ) is hell, then anything I enjoy here on earth is just icing on the ultimate cake.
"For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
With expectations of seeing my Savior face-to-face one day, running into His arms, and leaving this body, world, and these troubles behind, I know that I will not be disappointed! Knowing and trusting all of this, I can get through these trials, one day at a time, with contentment.
I pray that Mayo Clinic will be able to help me in some way, but at the end of the day, my hope is not found in Mayo, it is found in my Savior, Jesus Christ alone. So, I will travel to Minnesota with Chad and expect only to have a few days away from home, see some things we have never seen, and perhaps learn something new along the way. That doesn't sound disappointing at all! <3
I am sure that with the long road trip, several days of appointments and tests, and most likely less sleep than normal, my days will be filled with pain. Your prayers would be very much appreciated! Pray for strength and that I will manage my expectations, and not come home disappointed.
Until Next Time~
Shari
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Second Time Around
Last week, we failed our final construction inspection with the city. While the elevator itself is working and state approved, the entire project is under a local building permit. The main reason we failed was due to little details that had been overlooked. These things should be easily remedied this week, but it is just a symptom of a bigger issue. I won't bore you with all the stories of delays, and problems, and bad workmanship, and worker issues. I could fill a page or two with complaints and vent about the last several months, but I will try to keep it brief.
There is a saying "the devil is in the details" which is definitely true during our elevator project, but even more true is that God has been in the delays. I am a hard-working, type-A, detail-oriented person. I can attest that being home with these slow-moving workers, watching them skip steps, and forget things, has been SO painful! They probably aren't thrilled with my constant corrections and reminders either, but I learned early on in this project that if I didn't say anything, it would just grow into a bigger problem tomorrow. If you know me, then you know I am not one to shy away from confrontation! This elevator project has had it highs and lows (or should I say ups and downs?). It has definitely tested my patience!
The whole construction process started in December with a quote, and then moved to a signed contract and deposit on January 9th. At first, there seemed to be a possibility that I could have a working elevator by Easter (which happened to be on April 1st this year.....April Fool's Day). The "finish line" soon became April 15th, then maybe May 1st, then "by the end of May for sure."
I love to take the shortest, straightest route between two points, and hurry on to the finish line. Not that I rush through things and sacrifice quality, but I don't dilly-dally. Schedules rule, and I am all about staying focused!
In life, and as well as in construction projects however, we frequently end up on a winding, crooked, indirect road, full of cracks, bumps, obstacles, hills, twists, and turns. The journey is hard work and difficult, and at times seems impassable and unlikely to end. It is in those moments that we can have real growth. We learn a lot about our selves, like what is really important to us and how we treat others when we are under stress. Taking the long way teaches us how to deal with frustration and disappointment. In the end, we can grow bitter and angry, or we can grow more patient and loving.
Life isn't a race. Just getting to the finish line isn't the point. Whether the elevator remodel took 6 days, or 6 weeks, or even 6 months, isn't what really matters at all. What really matters is that at the end of the project the elevator works, and even more so, that I learned something along the way. I need to remember that each of the workers were also created in God's image, and I am to show them love, as a faithful witness to Christ. (Trust me those workers honestly drove me crazy at times for numerous reasons)
This isn't to say we have to be doormats. I actually had a confrontation with one of the workers in which I had to tell him he was not welcome to come back into my home after he yelled and swore at me. These trying situations require us to remember that, apart from Christ, there is nothing different between "them" and "us". I can also say that because the job went on so long, I got to know a few of them on a deeper level, and had several opportunities to share the Gospel with one at length. That would not have happened if I just let anger rule when the schedule wasn't met, and the sloppiness persisted.
When things don't go according to our plans, or confrontations happen with other people, we can choose to recognize that this is an opportunity to learn and to grow, being thankful that God, The Great Carpenter, is busy sanding and chiseling to rid us of our rough spots, revealing our sin to us. He is there graciously allowing us to see our sin, repent of it and trust in Him, and hopefully even use us in the midst of the chaos to further His kingdom; to share the hope found only in his Son, Jesus Christ.
By the end of this week, we fully expect that the remaining details will be completed, the village will give us final approval, and we can take down the orange building permits that hang in our windows. After that, some finishing touches (new light fixtures, towel racks, painting, etc) should be all done by mid to late June, and this will all soon be a distant memory. We will have reached the finish line, although the path we took to get there will have been more bumpy than expected. Hopefully we will be a little wiser, having learned more about ourselves. More importantly, I hope I learned more about God and His providential care. I pray I have learned that I can trust Him more fully than I did when this all started, knowing He has steered me along this winding road. I pray that He used me through this all for His glory, and my good, and that He is at work in the heart's of a couple workers that I would have otherwise never met.
I pray you can see God at work guiding you along whatever long, tiring, and difficult path you are currently traversing. One day you can say "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7) and you will hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21)
Until Next Time~
Shari
There is a saying "the devil is in the details" which is definitely true during our elevator project, but even more true is that God has been in the delays. I am a hard-working, type-A, detail-oriented person. I can attest that being home with these slow-moving workers, watching them skip steps, and forget things, has been SO painful! They probably aren't thrilled with my constant corrections and reminders either, but I learned early on in this project that if I didn't say anything, it would just grow into a bigger problem tomorrow. If you know me, then you know I am not one to shy away from confrontation! This elevator project has had it highs and lows (or should I say ups and downs?). It has definitely tested my patience!
The whole construction process started in December with a quote, and then moved to a signed contract and deposit on January 9th. At first, there seemed to be a possibility that I could have a working elevator by Easter (which happened to be on April 1st this year.....April Fool's Day). The "finish line" soon became April 15th, then maybe May 1st, then "by the end of May for sure."
I love to take the shortest, straightest route between two points, and hurry on to the finish line. Not that I rush through things and sacrifice quality, but I don't dilly-dally. Schedules rule, and I am all about staying focused!
In life, and as well as in construction projects however, we frequently end up on a winding, crooked, indirect road, full of cracks, bumps, obstacles, hills, twists, and turns. The journey is hard work and difficult, and at times seems impassable and unlikely to end. It is in those moments that we can have real growth. We learn a lot about our selves, like what is really important to us and how we treat others when we are under stress. Taking the long way teaches us how to deal with frustration and disappointment. In the end, we can grow bitter and angry, or we can grow more patient and loving.
Life isn't a race. Just getting to the finish line isn't the point. Whether the elevator remodel took 6 days, or 6 weeks, or even 6 months, isn't what really matters at all. What really matters is that at the end of the project the elevator works, and even more so, that I learned something along the way. I need to remember that each of the workers were also created in God's image, and I am to show them love, as a faithful witness to Christ. (Trust me those workers honestly drove me crazy at times for numerous reasons)
This isn't to say we have to be doormats. I actually had a confrontation with one of the workers in which I had to tell him he was not welcome to come back into my home after he yelled and swore at me. These trying situations require us to remember that, apart from Christ, there is nothing different between "them" and "us". I can also say that because the job went on so long, I got to know a few of them on a deeper level, and had several opportunities to share the Gospel with one at length. That would not have happened if I just let anger rule when the schedule wasn't met, and the sloppiness persisted.
When things don't go according to our plans, or confrontations happen with other people, we can choose to recognize that this is an opportunity to learn and to grow, being thankful that God, The Great Carpenter, is busy sanding and chiseling to rid us of our rough spots, revealing our sin to us. He is there graciously allowing us to see our sin, repent of it and trust in Him, and hopefully even use us in the midst of the chaos to further His kingdom; to share the hope found only in his Son, Jesus Christ.
By the end of this week, we fully expect that the remaining details will be completed, the village will give us final approval, and we can take down the orange building permits that hang in our windows. After that, some finishing touches (new light fixtures, towel racks, painting, etc) should be all done by mid to late June, and this will all soon be a distant memory. We will have reached the finish line, although the path we took to get there will have been more bumpy than expected. Hopefully we will be a little wiser, having learned more about ourselves. More importantly, I hope I learned more about God and His providential care. I pray I have learned that I can trust Him more fully than I did when this all started, knowing He has steered me along this winding road. I pray that He used me through this all for His glory, and my good, and that He is at work in the heart's of a couple workers that I would have otherwise never met.
I pray you can see God at work guiding you along whatever long, tiring, and difficult path you are currently traversing. One day you can say "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7) and you will hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21)
Until Next Time~
Shari
Update: Got the keys to my ride!
Monday, April 23, 2018
It's About Time
Hello! Thousands of seconds have ticked by between my last blog post and this one, which is literally about time. With very little thought I can come up with a long list of song lyrics and sayings that mention the word or concept of time. Some talk of "time flying by" while others ponder "making up for lost time." We can surely all admit to "wasting time" at various points in our lives, and I bet most of us have been told that "time heals all wounds." While that may not be totally true, I do think time can make us remember things differently than we felt when going through the events.
Looking back causes me to reflect on a number of physical abilities I used to have, and think of them in a more favorable light than I perhaps once did, though I am quickly reminded to not spend my remaining years looking in the rear view mirror. Contentment comes when I choose to embrace this moment in time, be thankful for it, and enjoy where I am right now. Minute by minute I get through each pain-filled day by God's grace, not by reminiscing about what used to be, or what could be, but by simply being grateful for what is.
So, the topic of time was on my mind since I saw the cardiologist today. I completed the 30-day heart monitor, and then tried 30 days of medication for the arrhythmia I have. Thankfully they were able to record a few of the events on the heart monitor, so an implanted device is not necessary. YAY! They did not see any A-fib (which was their biggest concern). (For those of you interested, there were PVC's, and PAC's that caused atrial runs/PSVT.) I have decided since this isn't dangerous, to forgo any more medication at this time, and just follow-up with the doctor if anything changes. Thank you all for your prayers, and praise God that this is nothing serious!!
The constant pain continues, some days being worse than others. I manage each hour as it comes, trying to minimize medication usage, but still get enough relief that I feel halfway decent. It is quite the balancing act! Upcoming appointments with both the neurologist and new rheumatologist to discuss long-term treatment, will hopefully provide more relief than I am currently experiencing! The battle continues one day and one medical decision at a time. I still covet your prayers! This is a long, hard road I am on, that comes with many difficult decisions to be made.
The elevator has been on hold, as we have been awaiting a backordered door. We had anticipated being done (or nearly done) by now, but we have hit one snag after another. "If it can go wrong, it will" pretty much sums up the construction process thus far! Lord willing, we will get things wrapped up and inspected by the beginning of May. Stay tuned for final pictures!
Hopefully each of you will make some time to enjoy this beautiful day! Each day is a gift to be thankful for, so stop looking in the rear view mirror, and look around at where God has brought you to in this very moment, and give Him thanks and praise for bringing you here!
Until next time~
Shari
Looking back causes me to reflect on a number of physical abilities I used to have, and think of them in a more favorable light than I perhaps once did, though I am quickly reminded to not spend my remaining years looking in the rear view mirror. Contentment comes when I choose to embrace this moment in time, be thankful for it, and enjoy where I am right now. Minute by minute I get through each pain-filled day by God's grace, not by reminiscing about what used to be, or what could be, but by simply being grateful for what is.
So, the topic of time was on my mind since I saw the cardiologist today. I completed the 30-day heart monitor, and then tried 30 days of medication for the arrhythmia I have. Thankfully they were able to record a few of the events on the heart monitor, so an implanted device is not necessary. YAY! They did not see any A-fib (which was their biggest concern). (For those of you interested, there were PVC's, and PAC's that caused atrial runs/PSVT.) I have decided since this isn't dangerous, to forgo any more medication at this time, and just follow-up with the doctor if anything changes. Thank you all for your prayers, and praise God that this is nothing serious!!
The constant pain continues, some days being worse than others. I manage each hour as it comes, trying to minimize medication usage, but still get enough relief that I feel halfway decent. It is quite the balancing act! Upcoming appointments with both the neurologist and new rheumatologist to discuss long-term treatment, will hopefully provide more relief than I am currently experiencing! The battle continues one day and one medical decision at a time. I still covet your prayers! This is a long, hard road I am on, that comes with many difficult decisions to be made.
The elevator has been on hold, as we have been awaiting a backordered door. We had anticipated being done (or nearly done) by now, but we have hit one snag after another. "If it can go wrong, it will" pretty much sums up the construction process thus far! Lord willing, we will get things wrapped up and inspected by the beginning of May. Stay tuned for final pictures!
Hopefully each of you will make some time to enjoy this beautiful day! Each day is a gift to be thankful for, so stop looking in the rear view mirror, and look around at where God has brought you to in this very moment, and give Him thanks and praise for bringing you here!
Until next time~
Shari
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Garbanzo Beans and Other Things
Many years ago, when our children were actually children, Chad and I were having lunch along the lakefront near the planetarium in Chicago. I was on one of my health kicks, and had made a new recipe for some bean salad, that I packed without tasting first. Sitting in the grass overlooking the water, we started to eat. I soon realized that I was no fan of garbanzo beans, or at least not cold, out of a can, in a bean salad. I started to pick them out, and fling them over to the side, where the seagulls instantly swooped in to help themselves. (I will digress for just a moment, because this day has two funny stories!) If you are not aware, seagulls can be very aggressive and unafraid when trying to eat your lunch, and we actually got up and ran away leaving most of our items, including cooler and blanket, because they were literally swarming us, and a bit scary!
But, the reason I bring this story up, is that the seagulls, while they did seem to enjoy our chips and sandwich we left behind, apparently they did not like garbanzo beans either. One gull after another picked one up in it's beak, only to spit it back out. We were laughing about all of this, and it is one of those memories you tend to bring up from time to time.
I have been a bit MIA lately on social media, and even in real life. I have had to cancel several visits with friends, and even some doctor appointments. I have been dealing with a LOT of pain. The doctors also decided to try another 30-day wearable heart monitor before they implant the long term one. This is part of my prayer request by the way. I am 16 days into the 30 days, and still have not been able to record the intermittent palpitations I have been having. I am praying for a strong one, that is captured on the recorder in hopes of avoiding the implant.
In addition to all this, I got a cold last week. A cold that has hung on through several boxes of tissues, and not been helped by OTC cold meds. A cold that has lead to a deep cough and plenty of sinus headache pain. Last night, I was feeling very sick, and my headache was getting worse. Chad picked up some Panera soup for dinner, and I got worse as the evening wore on. That headache turned into a horrible migraine. With all the cold meds, pain meds, steroids, and other things I have been on, I waited too long to take the migraine medications, because of drug interaction worries. I finally called the pharmacist around 7 pm, and started the "rescue med" drugs. After several hours of pain, made so much worse with every cough and sneeze, and the inevitable vomiting because of the migraine, I dozed off, cuddled up with my bucket a few times, only to wake up at 2 am and start the course of meds all over again. By 5:30 this morning, my headache was finally gone, but my cold seems worse today.
Garbanzo beans, or you may know them as chickpeas, are perhaps still not my favorite, but I do LOVE hummus, and was surprised to know that is the main ingredient. So, why do I bring this all up? (those with weak stomachs may want to skip ahead to the next paragraph) The "soup" Chad got me was the turkey chili, which has garbanzo beans, and reminded me of the story above, but also, after last night, I was reminded how much I am not a fan of them.
The chronic pain is very difficult, but when it is increased with a flare-up, and then compounded upon with other problems, it becomes unbearable. The kind of unbearable that leaves you weak on a bathroom floor, cold and sick, hugging a toilet in the middle of the night, and begging God for relief. I will be honest I asked for healing, but I also prayed for a more permanent kind of relief.
On a good day, my hope is to grow old with Chad, see future grandchildren grow up, and hopefully walk with the Lord. What joy could be greater than to see your children, and grandchildren, generation after generation, come to know and love the Lord?! (3 John 1:4; Psalm 78:6)
On a bad day, this light and momentary suffering draws me into the strong arms of my loving Savior, and makes me long for glory, when He will wipe every tear from my eye, my pain will end, and I will dance again. Today is likely not that day, but if it were, I would be ready. No matter what your circumstances are, or how old you are, this day is fast approaching and comes without warning. Are you ready?
I am very thankful for a my husband who was right there with me all night, losing sleep, so that I might find rest. I am thankful for my dear friend, who is currently studying the book of Job with me, as last night I was feeling a bit of Job's despair. I am also thankful to pastors who faithfully expository preach through God's word. I have been re-listening to the series on Job from Pastor Megchelsen, which has been a wonderful reminder of God's purpose in suffering, my call to suffer well, and to know that my life is not meaningless. Sometimes, in the midst of all this, it is easy to feel like I have no purpose, and his sermons this week have really reminded me that even in the little things I am able to do, God is at work.
I pray you are able to lean on the strength of God even in your weakness. No matter how dark the moment is, God's light does shine through. Keep your eyes fixed upon Christ! I truly appreciate your prayers. This has been a rough couple of weeks. May God's will be done! Thankful for you all <3
Until Next Time ~
Shari
But, the reason I bring this story up, is that the seagulls, while they did seem to enjoy our chips and sandwich we left behind, apparently they did not like garbanzo beans either. One gull after another picked one up in it's beak, only to spit it back out. We were laughing about all of this, and it is one of those memories you tend to bring up from time to time.
I have been a bit MIA lately on social media, and even in real life. I have had to cancel several visits with friends, and even some doctor appointments. I have been dealing with a LOT of pain. The doctors also decided to try another 30-day wearable heart monitor before they implant the long term one. This is part of my prayer request by the way. I am 16 days into the 30 days, and still have not been able to record the intermittent palpitations I have been having. I am praying for a strong one, that is captured on the recorder in hopes of avoiding the implant.
In addition to all this, I got a cold last week. A cold that has hung on through several boxes of tissues, and not been helped by OTC cold meds. A cold that has lead to a deep cough and plenty of sinus headache pain. Last night, I was feeling very sick, and my headache was getting worse. Chad picked up some Panera soup for dinner, and I got worse as the evening wore on. That headache turned into a horrible migraine. With all the cold meds, pain meds, steroids, and other things I have been on, I waited too long to take the migraine medications, because of drug interaction worries. I finally called the pharmacist around 7 pm, and started the "rescue med" drugs. After several hours of pain, made so much worse with every cough and sneeze, and the inevitable vomiting because of the migraine, I dozed off, cuddled up with my bucket a few times, only to wake up at 2 am and start the course of meds all over again. By 5:30 this morning, my headache was finally gone, but my cold seems worse today.
Garbanzo beans, or you may know them as chickpeas, are perhaps still not my favorite, but I do LOVE hummus, and was surprised to know that is the main ingredient. So, why do I bring this all up? (those with weak stomachs may want to skip ahead to the next paragraph) The "soup" Chad got me was the turkey chili, which has garbanzo beans, and reminded me of the story above, but also, after last night, I was reminded how much I am not a fan of them.
The chronic pain is very difficult, but when it is increased with a flare-up, and then compounded upon with other problems, it becomes unbearable. The kind of unbearable that leaves you weak on a bathroom floor, cold and sick, hugging a toilet in the middle of the night, and begging God for relief. I will be honest I asked for healing, but I also prayed for a more permanent kind of relief.
On a good day, my hope is to grow old with Chad, see future grandchildren grow up, and hopefully walk with the Lord. What joy could be greater than to see your children, and grandchildren, generation after generation, come to know and love the Lord?! (3 John 1:4; Psalm 78:6)
On a bad day, this light and momentary suffering draws me into the strong arms of my loving Savior, and makes me long for glory, when He will wipe every tear from my eye, my pain will end, and I will dance again. Today is likely not that day, but if it were, I would be ready. No matter what your circumstances are, or how old you are, this day is fast approaching and comes without warning. Are you ready?
I am very thankful for a my husband who was right there with me all night, losing sleep, so that I might find rest. I am thankful for my dear friend, who is currently studying the book of Job with me, as last night I was feeling a bit of Job's despair. I am also thankful to pastors who faithfully expository preach through God's word. I have been re-listening to the series on Job from Pastor Megchelsen, which has been a wonderful reminder of God's purpose in suffering, my call to suffer well, and to know that my life is not meaningless. Sometimes, in the midst of all this, it is easy to feel like I have no purpose, and his sermons this week have really reminded me that even in the little things I am able to do, God is at work.
I pray you are able to lean on the strength of God even in your weakness. No matter how dark the moment is, God's light does shine through. Keep your eyes fixed upon Christ! I truly appreciate your prayers. This has been a rough couple of weeks. May God's will be done! Thankful for you all <3
Until Next Time ~
Shari
Saturday, January 13, 2018
Wait and See
Thursday morning started like any other, except my left eye was irritated and my vision seemed a little blurry. Yesterday I woke up, and it was worse. I quickly noticed that when I covered my right eye, everything seemed dimmer and gray. My eye ball actually hurts, not a lot mind you, but enough that I feel it, and that isn't normal. The medical geek in me decided to do a pupil reaction test to light, and quickly discovered that my left pupil dilated (it should constrict) when I shined a light in my eye. The right side seems normal. This concerned me enough to call my optometrist and go see her a couple hours later.
She confirmed that I had "afferent pupillary defect" (pupil dilates instead of contracts), and that my left optic nerve was larger than the right. With the other test results, symptoms, and my complex medical history, she said she thought it was Optic Neuritis. She called the neuro-ophthalmologist at Aurora Eye Clinic, and they squeezed me in an hour later. This doctor (who was wonderful by the way), said she thinks it is likely Optic Neuritis, but my vision had not deteriorated enough to justify the normal treatment plan of 3-day IV steroids, which will make me "very sick" according to her, inpatient at a hospital. I am supposed to call immediately if anything changes, and I will see her again next Friday. She said I may have caught it early enough that it hasn't gotten that bad yet. Symptoms sometimes develop over 7 days or so.
So we wait and see. At least I hope I still see. Thinking a lot yesterday about how we take for granted so many things our body does with ease, until it doesn't. I watch people breeze up a set of stairs without a second thought, and I wish I had been more thankful for that ability. Now, I look around and see beautiful colors, and am thankful for my vision. May I encourage you today to take a step back, look around, and spend some time being grateful for some of the functions your body performs without a second thought.
Please pray that whatever is going on clears up on its own without getting worse. If things do progress, pray that I will catch it early and the treatment would be effective, without making me "very sick."
I stumbled upon this song this morning by Chris Tomlin, and am so very thankful that God is "sovereign in my greatest joy, sovereign in my deepest cry." Be encouraged, in whatever you are facing today, if you are in Christ, God is with you.
Until next time-
~Shari
She confirmed that I had "afferent pupillary defect" (pupil dilates instead of contracts), and that my left optic nerve was larger than the right. With the other test results, symptoms, and my complex medical history, she said she thought it was Optic Neuritis. She called the neuro-ophthalmologist at Aurora Eye Clinic, and they squeezed me in an hour later. This doctor (who was wonderful by the way), said she thinks it is likely Optic Neuritis, but my vision had not deteriorated enough to justify the normal treatment plan of 3-day IV steroids, which will make me "very sick" according to her, inpatient at a hospital. I am supposed to call immediately if anything changes, and I will see her again next Friday. She said I may have caught it early enough that it hasn't gotten that bad yet. Symptoms sometimes develop over 7 days or so.
So we wait and see. At least I hope I still see. Thinking a lot yesterday about how we take for granted so many things our body does with ease, until it doesn't. I watch people breeze up a set of stairs without a second thought, and I wish I had been more thankful for that ability. Now, I look around and see beautiful colors, and am thankful for my vision. May I encourage you today to take a step back, look around, and spend some time being grateful for some of the functions your body performs without a second thought.
"I will praise you,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
and that my soul knows very well."
~Psalm 139:4
Please pray that whatever is going on clears up on its own without getting worse. If things do progress, pray that I will catch it early and the treatment would be effective, without making me "very sick."
I stumbled upon this song this morning by Chris Tomlin, and am so very thankful that God is "sovereign in my greatest joy, sovereign in my deepest cry." Be encouraged, in whatever you are facing today, if you are in Christ, God is with you.
Until next time-
~Shari
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