You may have heard it said that it is more blessed to give than to receive, but is it?
We heard someone say that public speaking is people's number one fear, apparently a more common fear than death. So people would rather be the one in the coffin than the one giving the eulogy! I have never fact-checked this, but it is a funny reminder of how quirky humans can be.
I have just finished rereading a couple of books that are wonderfully practical if you want to be a good friend to someone going through something difficult. When I first read these books, I read them more from the perspective of being the friend that would be doing the helping, although I admit that my long journey through suffering has given me a unique perspective.
Now that I am navigating a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, these books have me looking through a different lens. Thankfully, my treatment plan seems pretty minor compared to what it could be, but a cancer diagnosis is still very hard. I have been wrestling with the role of "giving and receiving" for years, but it has been in my thoughts all the time lately.
If I am being honest, giving seems better to me, and easier too. I think most would say that they would prefer to be the one serving at or donating to the local food pantry or nursing home, rather than being the one receiving the help. Admitting you need some help can feel like a failure or weakness. Asking for a friend to lend a hand, especially if you are in a situation where you cannot do it for yourself, is very humbling. When you are the giver, there can be a sense of superiority. We help someone else, feel good about ourselves, and might be glad we aren't the one needing the help. When you are the receiver, there can be a loss of autonomy and independence.
I have a community of people who care about me and want to help. Helping others is a wonderful way to show the love of Christ to those who need care. Likewise, learning to let people help is also being Christlike, and a loving way to let people show care and concern for us. Giving people the chance to serve is a gift just like being willing to serve others is. Both the giver and receiver need to grow in grace and humility, always being careful not to overstep (i.e. the giver forcing help upon someone, or the receiver taking advantage of people's generosity). I am currently working through this pride that wants to not let me admit I need help, while honoring the fact that I am introverted and sometimes need space in my suffering.
My prayer for us all is that we would learn to be faithful in serving while also letting others serve us. Even Jesus, who came to serve and not be served, who washed his disciples' feet, allowed Mary Magdalene to wash his feet with her hair. (Matthew 20:28 and Mark 10:45; John 12:3; John 3:1-17)
I have recommended these books for years, and your friend does not need to be diagnosed with cancer for the practical advice to be valuable! My prayer is that we all learn to be both good givers and receivers. These books can help us navigate being a better friend as we walk together through a hard providence.
- Just Show Up: The Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together by Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn
- Loving Your Friend Through Cancer: Moving Beyond "I'm Sorry" to Meaningful Support by Marissa Henley
Until Next Time~
Shari
