Tuesday, September 26, 2017

DNF

As a NASCAR fan, the three letters I hate to see behind "my" driver's name (Matt Kenseth, in case you missed all the Dewalt tools, signs, clothing, and yellow and black in our home) is DNF: Did Not Finish. Today I am a quitter.

Last Monday, I had the first infusion of Rituxan (chemotherapy drug), starting my second round. It hit me very hard this time. Sleeplessness, overwhelming fatigue, horrible nausea, headaches, heart arrhythmia, stomach upset/pain, night sweats, chills, and hot flashes (seriously, is it possible to spontaneously combust?). Needless to say, I have felt very sick. My days have not been very productive. I have just sort of been surviving. There have been lots of naps, and early bedtimes. Today, I decided that I can't do it again. I am supposed to have the second infusion Monday, but I have decided to stop. DNF

Headline reads "Shari Czerwinski DNF - out of race in first lap."

Feeling as lousy as I did all week was rough, and not something I could do long term. The heart arrhythmia is the part that troubles me the most (this same thing happened last winter too during the first round). I want to walk, to fight this disease, to stay strong, but my legs are not important to live, like my heart is. My life won't end when my legs stop working, but the same cannot be said about my heart! This isn't an easy decision. No matter which choice I make, there are unpleasant consequences. If I continue the infusions, there is no guarantee it will even help. If I stop doing the infusions, the prognosis is uncertain, so there is no guarantee I will continue to get worse either (although this has been the case thus far).

In the grand scheme of things, whether I do the infusions or not, whether I continue to deteriorate in health or not, the important thing is that ultimately, I am not a quitter, but by the grace of God, that I continue to fight the good fight of faith. That is the important fight, and one with life altering consequences with eternal ramifications.


"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing." (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

The most important decision we can make is the one with eternal consequences. Turn from your sin to God in repentance, place your faith in Christ alone for salvation, and join in the good fight, that you might be sure that a crown of righteousness is laid up for you also.

Until Next Time-
~Shari

P.S. A grant opportunity has presented itself for my elevator donation fund from Joni and Friends Christian Fund for the Disabled. Please pray that this application goes smoothly and that I might get the full $2,500 grant and matching funds from my sponsoring organization please. 

My personal fundraising efforts are nearing the $1,000 mark (almost 10% of my goal). Thank you all for giving, praying and sharing to help us with this large accessibility expense. The final cost hasn't been determined, but ball park numbers are in the $60,000-70,000 range.

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