I like making lists. Actually, I love making lists! Even better than making a list is crossing things off the list as I finish doing them. Somehow I feel a sense of achievement when each list has been completed.
Lists give me a sense of purpose. I have a list for just about everything, and it allows me to schedule my time each day. Sadly, sometimes I make a list just to feel like I have something worth doing. Without my to-do lists, I would waste more time just trying to figure out what to do, and end up doing nothing! Give me lists, or give me death! haha
I have been counting down the days until I would finish my IVIg infusions. While I have not had a list per se, I have had an appointment calendar for the past 11 months. Tomorrow is my next to last infusion. I have the last one in September, and just like that, one year of treatment will be completed. Then we will return to Mayo at the end of October for more testing.
The trouble I have with lists is my tendency to focus on the "doing" of each item. I almost go through life with blinders on, only having eyes to see the next task to complete. I don't stop to think about the process so much, as just getting it done.
My mind runs through the list day and night..... first this, then that, and on the the next. It updates in real time as I get things done. Some days I am thankful my mind works like this. It helps me get out of bed on the most difficult days to fulfill the duties that are on my mental check list. It can also be a very bad thing, however. I have difficulty remembering that the people and experiences in my life are more important than the next item on my to-do list.
On lists like my count down to my last infusion, there comes almost a disappointment when I cross off the last date. Instead of being done with it, I quickly realize the list is never ending. I may have finished the IVIg infusions, but there are still a long list of doctor appointments and testing to come, and maybe even more medications and treatments. I may have cleaned all the areas in the house, bought all the items on the grocery list, or got the yard work done, but by the time I cross that last item off the list, there is a whole new list full of things to do. Another shopping trip, more dirt to clean, more weeds to pull, and my sense of accomplishment is short lived.
The older I get, the more I realize I need to set aside those lists sometimes, and just enjoy the moment. I want to focus on the person I am with, or enjoy the place I am at, instead of thinking about what I need to get done. I am sure I will never be completely without a checklist, since this is the way my mind works, but I do hope God continues to grow me in this area. I need to be reminded that life is not just one long to-do list. Life is meant to be enjoyed! I need to set the paper and pencil down, and remember to lift my eyes and see the blessings all around me.
I have also been convicted lately that my need to complete my list of tasks, many times borders on a mentality that I am earning some kind of reward for my works. This is not true, however, as the Bible is very clear that Jesus did all the work. When He cried out "It is finished" on the cross, that let us know that our performance does nothing to earn salvation. I can cross off as many things on a list as I want, but ultimately none of that matters. What does matter is that Christ came to perfectly fulfill God's law, His list of commandments, and cross them off once for all. He did it all.
I am really not sure how many of you like having lists, or if your minds work in the sequential way mine does, but I really hope every one of you realizes that God alone is the One who completes the work, and frees us to enjoy Him forever. Take a moment today, look up and see all wonderful things that He has given us, especially His Son!
Until Next Time~
Shari
