OUCH!

All of us 1980's kids, probably remember when that little alien came on the scene. No, not ALF, the other one. You know who I mean! The 1982 film, E. T. the Extra Terrestrial, was a heart warming story of friendship. Of course, thinking of friendship with an alien sounds, well, alien. If you haven't seen it, go now and watch. I'll wait.

Aliens were about the only thing that didn't happen this past year (although the US military has acknowledged some unidentified flying objects, and leaked video footage, so who knows!) The past year and a half have been difficult, to say the least. A global pandemic lead to unprecedented shutdowns. Illness, death, lost jobs and businesses, isolation, riots and looting, and some natural disasters as well, lead to day after day of seemingly bad and painful news. No one remained untouched by these recent events. We have all suffered in one way or another.

Today in Illinois, we officially "reopen" without any pandemic restrictions, for the first time since March 2020. There is reason to be excited about getting back to normal, and yet some of us might not be ready to throw away our masks and pretend like none of this happened. I have shared in previous posts about the need for love, grace and patience as we deal with each other. This has all been painful and traumatic, more so for some than others. 

You all probably know my love for all things medical. I have my "armchair MD" degree, mostly due to my own health issues, and my love of research. Like most other relevant medical topics in my life, I kept up with the research on COVID-19 as it became available. You are well aware of the need to find reliable sources for all of our news. Ignorance and untruth abounds on the internet! We ALL had to weigh the facts, consider our own health and family situation, and make difficult choices these past 14+ months. 

If you have followed any part of my health journey, you might know that we have been to Mayo several times, and are set to return again this September. I am currently on a "drug holiday" (as the doctor called it), and not taking any treatment. I am currently going through a particularly difficult, painful, downhill path in my disease process the last couple of months that has me reevaluating my treatment options. I hurt everywhere! Widespread joint and muscle pain, as well as worsening neurological symptoms make me think it may be time to consider if more medication is necessary.

In the past, I have had to weigh a number of factors in deciding which treatment to try (or not). My disease is rare, and so the research is sparse, ongoing, and thus hard to decipher at times.  It is not easy to make a choice to take a chemotherapy drug that comes with lots of health risks, when the scientific studies were only able to try it on a handful of patients. Many of you have probably made decisions that seem to have no "right' answer and it can be heart-wrenching, or perhaps have disastrous consequences. This new coronavirus pandemic gave us all a taste of what it is like to have a disease no one knows much about. Studies are needed, but take time, and leave a lot of unanswered questions as we make decisions about our health.

It is normal for us to have our emotions and feelings sway our decisions. It is hard sometimes to trust the facts. The most recent research of COVID-19 and the mRNA vaccines seem to suggest that they are very effective at preventing serious illness and death, even with the current variants.  (I recommend CIDRAP for trustworthy research, and a great podcast too) After 14 months of caution, worry, masks, bad news reports, shutdowns and everything else, it can be very difficult to set aside the difficult emotions we have had, and trust the science. Some will be totally comfortable jumping in the deep end of the pool. Others have never gotten out of the pool. Still others are slathered in sunscreen, and just starting to dip a toe in the shallow wading pool. We need to extend grace to each other as we wade back into life, at our own pace. Encouragement, support and love are called for here, not judgment and ridicule!

God made us emotional beings. We should feel things deeply, however we cannot trust our feelings to be the basis of our decision making. Feelings may tell us it is unsafe to drive after watching hours of car crashes, and reviewing accident data. Science and engineering data may help us to trust the braking system in our cars. Those two things are seemingly at odds with each other. Most of us will trust the car to work as we expected, and yet many might still be anxious while driving or being a passenger in a vehicle. We have to move past emotion in many situations. The Bible tells us that "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7).

That is not to say that we shove our emotions down deep and ignore them, but we also can't trust our emotions completely. I feel lots of pain, and that makes me feel sad. I feel like I can't do things I want to do, and that makes me feel like I can't contribute in a meaningful way. I could keep going with the "I feel" sentences, but what I know is that God is faithful. God is sovereign "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) He is trustworthy, my feelings are not. I have to function in the space where I feel all the feelings, but can still trust Him enough to step off the diving board in faith, without drowning in my emotions.

I am struggling right along with all of you. It has been a ROUGH year in so many ways! Pray that we all learn to trust God more fully, love each other more in humility, and forgive others as we have been forgiven. Pray for those who have not yet trusted in Christ alone for salvation. Pray we all suffer well, in a manner worthy of our calling, and in a manner that brings glory to God!

Until Next Time

~Shari